The Lunch Lady

*Based on a true story that actually is happening EVERYDAY*



Of course, Ferret was unconscious. That's what happens when Satan hits you in the face

with a shovel under the full moon.


Satan Ann roasted chestnuts over an open fire in the middle of the forest. Fortunately, there

were no wild Mexican cannibals on the run, looking for a marvelous feast.


Oh? You want to know why the author of this story didn't say why Ann was roasting

Chestnuts? Because the author doesn't know, and how can you write about something you

don't know?


- - - - - -


Eventually, Ann got tired of watching Ferret sleep, so she returned to her human form (she

also highly disliked to feeling of not being able to breathe air with her gills unless

underwater), tied Ferret to a tree with opossum hide, and went to hunt for the Mexican

cannibals. They had to be here somewhere.


Now, as a reader, you realize how stoopid Ann was, leaving her captive alone in the woods.

Ferret expected this. Really, Ferret had waken up 725 seconds ago, and she was planning

her escape.


Now, in case you didn't know, opossum hide is very strong, and only these with incredible

abilities could get out. Of course, Ferret had an ability: She knew Morris code. So, Ferret

spit Morris code for 'fire' onto the hide, and it immediately burst into flames. And so did



But, another thing the author didn't tell you about Ferret was that Ferret is fireproof,

because she was the one who killed Smaug, saving all of Middle Earth nearly 13 years ago.


So Ferret cackled her ferret cackle as the flames were smothered by her Smaug powers.


But Ferret didn't know there were Mexican cannibals in Mexico (she had never been there

until now), and she also didn't know that the ferret cackle signaled all of the Mexican

cannibals in the vicinity to the cackler.


So, if you connect the dots, Ferret was surrounded by Mexican cannibals in less than 5.3



Ferret was surprised when the lead Mexican was HowToBasic, the YouTuber. Of course,

HowToBasic (also known as Egg) doesn't have a torso or face; he (actually, Egg has no

gender, but I'm not going to call it 'it,' because that would get a little confusing) only had

long masculine legs and thighs.


Ferret stared in awe (or was it disgust? This author sucks) at Egg's feet. How did he not

have foot fungus? All humans had at least some form of foot fungus, colors ranging from

orange to purple (in rare cases).


But of course, the other reason Ferret was staring was because she hadn't seen her spawn

in 12 years (after she killed Smaug, she had no reason to live, so she threw her spawn out

of her car and drove in the fast lane from LA to Tokyo).


Ferret was Egg's mother.

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