I stood there queuing to meet him again. Just one more time! I just needed one more hug, one more kiss on the cheek, just one more “everything is gonna be alright.” I knew it was different this time, I could feel it.
He saw me when there were only a few people between us, and looked at me with that strange look. He knew me, he had seen me so many times before.
“What are you doing here?”
His tone was different from what I expected and it seemed to me like I was doing and had been doing something wrong.
“I need to talk to you…”
“From the tone of your voice I’m guessing you already know.”
“Why did you come to my queue?”
“Because you don’t answer my texts and I need to talk to you about some things. How else should I get in touch with you?”
“You could have come up when my fans aren’t around!”
“Why would I? They were the ones starting this in the first place, so why not let them listen when I’m telling you I’m hurt and I need to figure out why you’re letting them talk like this about both you and I?”
I knew Harry from way back in the days but we had grown apart through the years. We only met around the streets and at different events now. It was strange but honestly he had never been much of a friend to me. He had just always been there and he was a huge inspiration to me.
“I don’t wanna talk about this right now.”
“Are you ever gonna confront anyone with anything they do to you and people you care about?”
“What if I don’t care?”
“Then you would have lid to me as well as my friends and if you didn’t care I wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Well you are and I don’t so please leave. You’re making this worse and embarrassing for both of us.”
He left before I did and now I was here facing his fans who didn’t get a photo or a hug or anything. I left the area without looking at too many people. I didn’t want them to see me, because no matter what most of them knew my face anyway.
I scrolled through twitter a little later when I was sitting down in a bar. It wasn’t far from where Harry had been meeting his fans. It was outside the studios, it’s where he always met them lately. It was good for him. It was one of the places we had seen each other a lot as well. I had been sitting there with my pint for about 20 minutes when the door to the bar opened and no other than Harry walked in. He didn’t see me at first but as soon as he had ordered himself a beer he looked directly at me.
I rolled my eyes and emptied the glass before I turned around and was about to leave. Honestly I didn’t know what I was doing there right now. I felt stupid for even going. I guess I was just thinking back to those few times we had hung out and had so much fun but I was always the one to find him. I needed to find him to make it all better.
“You wanted to talk.”
“Do you even remember my name?”
“Do you even remember my name Harry?”
He looked down for a second and I was hurt that he didn’t remember. He never remembered any of it. What about the nights he had spent comforting me and making sure I was alright. I had introduced myself to him so many times but it never changed. He would never remember.
“Of course I remember your name Elena. I can’t forget you okay. You’ve printed yourself to my mind.”
“Then why do you refuse everything? Why do you keep letting them hurt you? I know it bothers you what they’re saying. You were so angry the first time we talked about this and ever since it’s just become worse. Why aren’t you doing anything about it? Why aren’t you letting them know?”
“Because you’re not a public person. I can’t just do this like it was something I did to every person I meet.”
“Don’t you give me that, being a public person or not you should still treat me right. You said I was a friend of yours, so maybe you should start treating me like that.”
I left the bar out of words. Why was he like this, this time? He had changed, I had changed. Everything seemed so different to me. It was a strange feeling and I hated it. I hated it so much! I walked around, didn't really know where to go or what to do. I was out of myself and ended up sitting down by the YouTube HQ in central London after I had gone a long way to just get away.
Why was I even here? Why did I even fly over to this stupid country to meet up with him? Why did I let myself get hurt by the one person I cared about the most? I guess that was the thing about caring too much of a celebrity. I was treated like a friend and a fan at the same time and it was killing me knowing that all of this was going on right now.
"London what have you done to me this time?"
I spoke out loud as I sat there on the bench by one of my favourite places. Some people looked at me but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything right now, I just wanted it all to end. I found the Wi-Fi from the Goggle building and tried finding the cheapest flight back home as soon as possible. I didn’t want to spend more time in this country right now, I just wanted to go back to feeling safe. Though I knew doing this would bring me back into my old habits and soon I knew exactly what I was doing here this time.