The color of fear

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1. The color of fear

Alû opened her eyes from sleep, turning her head and looking for her newly wed husband. Her arm reached out and was only met by the cold empty cloth. She sighed and sat up in bed, wrapping herself in a blanket. “Sin?” The young woman called out into the dimly lit room. The soft sound of his heavy footsteps on the floor could be heard moving towards the room. Her eyes suddenly met with his, Sin looked down at her gently. “Good morning.” He smiled and sat next to her. Alû felt her body stiffen as he put his arm around her, his touch was comforting, yet still foreign. Sin pulled her closer to him, placing a hand on her cheek. “Don’t worry my dear, we will soon be as close as blades of grass in a field.” He said, noticing her stiffness. Alû looked up at him and gave a small smile, standing up. “I will go to get meat for dinner.” She said, straightening her dress. “I will miss you while in the field.” Sin told her as he got up and grabbed a tool that had been leaning against the wall. Alû quickly leaned up and kissed her tall husband, her face not able to reach his, Sin leaned down and gave a slight chuckle before their lips met. Moving off her toes, Alû walked out of the house and made her way to the butchers.

 

Seven months had passed since her wedding. Alû gazed at her body, a body that held life, a body that held her future. She calmly turned her gaze to the field of wheat, Sins head bobbing up and down as he harvested the long plants. That is when it happened, when Alûs hopes for the future came to a hault. The pain was unbearable, she fell to her knees as her body ruined her future. Pain dragged her mind into darkness, she blacked out.

When Alû woke all she could feel and see was the warm red of her own blood. It was everywhere, on her clothes, in her hair, and flowing from her body. She sat up and her eyes met the small body on the floors closed ones. Her future, lifeless and cold, lay on the floor in a puddle of its mothers blood. Alû screamed in horror and despair as she slowly picked up her precious baby, holding it in her arms for the first and last time. The blood covering them both like the warm embrace of death. Sin came rushing inside, seeing his wife and stillborn child, he dropped his sickle in shock.

The next day Sin finished making the small box for the baby. Alû could feel tears dripping off her cheeks as she laid her child down to rest. Sin did his best to comfort her, but no matter what he said she still blamed herself, she had killed her baby, It was all her fault. Her child would never experience the wonders of this new world, having a permanent home instead if moving from place to place, Watch its father work in the new fields, it would never get to play in the sun, and it was all because of its mother. Alû gently picked up the small box and walked with Sin to the river. She leaned near the river bank, holding the box against her body tightly. Alû could not bare to let go, it felt too painful. All the hope she had for her life for the past seven months was now trying to leave her in such a short amount of time. She could not let go now, not after all she had been through. Not when happiness had been just within her grasp. 

Sin put a hand on her shoulder gently, interrupting her thoughts of despair. He spoke no words, but his eyes showed vast amounts of compassion. Alû could not meet his eyes, her shame overpowering her. Sin slowly slid the box out of her arms and placed it in the river. Alû panicked immediately after the wood touched the water, she clutched onto the small coffin and held it, ice cold water trying to steal it away from her. She held on until her fingers ached from the cold. “I’m sorry.” She whispered as she lifted the coffin and kissed it, finally placing it back into the water and letting the river take her child. The sun began to set as the cool water drifted the stillborn child away from its mother and father, and into the arms of  the heavens.

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