Chapter Twenty Two, I Feel Weird
You know that feeling you get when you wake up and believe everything that happened the previous day was all apart of your dream, until you realize it wasn't? Yeah, so that's what happened to me when I woke up the next day. My head automatically turned to my desk where the single rose stayed in its vase. I would have just picked up the vase and thrown it against the wall out of frustration, but it held too much significance that I was still trying to figure out.
I glanced at the clock after a minute or five and noticed that I had around forty minutes to get ready for school, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay home and possibly do absolutely nothing while the jumbled gloop Carmen made of my brain sorted itself out. I needed an entire day and weekend away from her and everything to figure out what my next move would be. Going to school would only make me nervous and way too cautious about screwing up.
Knowing I couldn't simply just stay locked up in my room, I made my way to my parents room at the end of the hall. I figured they would already be awake and gone, but thought I should check in their room to see if maybe my mom was there still getting ready. She could be putting on her shoes as I walk in. Well that's I assumed as I walked right in their room.
"Can I stay home?" I asked right as I was turning my head and body to face my parents, only to be met with the picture I have feared of and dreaded my entire freaking life.
"Um, one moment," my mom told me as she desperately tried grasping the bed sheet to cover herself while my dad was bending down beside the bed to pick up his shorts.
Why I stood frozen and unable to move, I still don't know. My eyes were wide and I was probably stunned beyond recovery, but somehow within a second's timing, I managed to turn around and quickly walk out of my nightmare unscathed. Okay, there was my mind that was incredibly traumatized for the rest of my total existence. I ended up quickly walking out of the room and down the hall until I broke out into a run. I went down the stairs, through the living room and straight to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and desperately tried to calm myself down.
I just saw what every kid hates seeing. I experienced what I had believed I would never experience. I want to fall into a hole and just live there and never see my parents ever again.
I cannot look at my parents.
The image, as much as I wanted it to incinerate into nothing as it should, stayed glued to my mind and the whole thing played over and over like a broken record. This must be what the end of the world is like. For some strange reason I thought the world was punishing me for something I did wrong. I thought I was getting a taste of hell to be scared. I only wanted to stay home and figure out what I wanted to do about my feelings towards Carmen. I didn't want to see my parents... in that position.
I gulped the remaining water down and filled my glass again. I heard footsteps from behind me, but chose to ignore them as I stared out of the kitchen window. Cupboards opened and closed, the fridge was searched through, and things were taken out. My parents were in the kitchen probably making tea and coffee, but I continued drinking water. They were making what had happened even more awkward whether they were trying or not, and I kept praying that we wouldn't have to talk about it at all.
"Niall?" I heard my mom say and my dad cleared his throat right after. I wanted to fall unconscious right then and there.
"Yeah?" I answered back, unsure if I wanted to know where this conversation may lead to.
"If you want to, you may stay home. Uh, your dad and I are taking the day off. You're still grounded, so remember that."
"You can come with us when we go out for lunch though." my dad added. I was still facing the window and took a sip from my fifth glass of water. Someone save me please.
"Thanks, but I'll just stay home." I replied, now feeling sick to my stomach. I was sure I was coming down with something and could vomit everywhere if given the chance.
"Yeah, okay. Do you want me to make you breakfast?" my mom asked so sweetly, but thinking of her touching my food made the urge to puke real. I downed the rest of my glass and shook my head.
"No, but thanks."
"Okay." And just like that, it fell silent between us.
"Why did you want to stay home?" my dad asked and I internally groaned and cursed him out.
"Because I woke up not feeling in the right state of mind for school. I'm supposed to have a test today, but I'm definitely not going to be able to focus on it if I go."
"But now you're missing school. Can you make it up?" my mom asked sounding worried now.
"Yes, of course I can. I would've just went to school otherwise." I bit my tongue after because the last part was a lie.
"Alright, fine. I'm going to have breakfast now and then get ready. There are some errands I have to take care of, but I should be home around three."
"And I'm going with your mom."
"Okay, and I'm just going to stay home. I'll probably be on my X-Box when you guys come home."
"You're going to make sure you get your homework and work on it, right? You're not just going to sit here and play video games all through the day and weekend."
"Yes, mom, I know that."
"Good. Now make yourself breakfast and stop drinking so much water. You're making me want to use bathroom."
"Actually, I'm not hungry. I'll see ya guys later."
I didn't even bother to wait for a response from my mom or dad, I just walked out of the kitchen and through the living again. I walked up the stairs instead of running, but took two at a time. I wondered to myself as I went to my to my room if the weird feeling and awkwardness will ever go away with my parents. Will I ever be able to look at them again without picturing that appalling scene? Will I be able to look them in the eye without feeling sick from what I accidentally walked in on?
I sat at my desk with phone on my hands. staring at that freaking rose like it had the answer to all my problems and more. I felt like talking about what I stood witness too, but then didn't want to because I wanted the memory to be freaking forgotten about forever. Has this ever happened to Adrian? Stupid idiot, I bet it has. So I sent him a text saying that I wasn't going to school and I needed to talk to him.
Adrian: what do you want from me?
some people actually go to school and want to learn
Me: THE WORST THING HAPPENED TO ME THIS MORNING
I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
I'M RUNNING AWAY AND NEVER LOOKING BACK
Adrian: drama queen
and if you run, I'm following bro
it's a journey I must take myself
AND I WALKED IN ON MY PARENTS
I WANT MY EYES AND BRAIN RIPPED OUT
Adrian: what did you walk in on?
why do I talk to you???
THEY WERE IN BED WITH NO CLOTHES
NEED I GO ON?!!!!
. . .
tbh, I bet your mom's hot tho
Me: I'm going to kill you
Adrian: jk jk jk jkkkkk
no need for a killing spree
let's just talk it out buddy
Me: I'm dying inside
Adrian: it's normal
I was like 7 when I saw my parents
Me: oh my jfc
Adrian: dude I was 7
I got over it
Me: so that's why you're like that
Me: how come you never said anything to me?
Adrian: we were 7
I had no idea wtf I saw man
my parents said they were exercising
I dropped it
Me: oh my god
Adrian: CALM DOWN
YOU SEE IT AND MOVE ON
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND THAT EVERYBODY THESE DAYS DOES IT
Me: THEY ARE MY PARENTS
THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SAINTS
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THEM
THEIR DOOR WAS FREAKING OPEN
OMFG THEY WERE GONNA DO IT WHILE I WAS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL
Adrian: awe man
that sucks bad
shall I prepare your funeral?
Adrian: you know you think you're scarred for life
but really you're gonna forget all about it tomorrow
Me: THE IMAGE WONT LEAVE
Adrian: THEN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT STUPID
Me: I can't
Adrian: why'd you miss school today anyway?
bc of this?
last night Carmen gave me a rose
OH MY GOD
I'M LIKE CRYING TEARS OF JOY
THANK YOU GURL FOR MAKING THE FIRST MOVE
I KNEW IT
DAMN PETER OWES ME FIFTY SMH
BUT CONGRATS BROTHER
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU
I'LL PLAN YOUR WEDDING
I'M THINKING DECEMBER
Me: can you takes caps lock off???
and stop it
she gave it to me as a thank you gift
she was nervous though
idk why a rose and it's bugging me!!
I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED
Adrian: okay okAy
giving it as a thank you gift was probably her excuse
she likes you man
she totally likes you
she likes you
Me: saying it over and over doesn't make it real
Adrian: trust me
Me: I honestly don't
Adrian: just this once do it
Me: don't use those words again
it's why I'm not going to school
I'm trying to decide my next move
should I even make one?
Adrian: I'M SORRY BUT I'M SO HAPPY YOU ARE ADMITTING TO ME YOU LIKE HER
I BET I'M THE ONLY ONE YOU TOLD
I FEEL SO BLESSED RN
Me: this why you were never told!!!
Me: get over it
Adrian: you should totally ask her out
Me: that's the stupidest thing you've said
Adrian: don't overthink it
maybe give her a rose or a flower too?
Me: but what is my excuse going to be?
Adrian: that the rose looked as pretty as her so you had to give it to her
think of something
Me: no I can't do that
Adrian: I'm not going to bounce ideas back and forth
I ain't got time for that
class is gonna start
Me: she's probably in art wondering where I am
Adrian: saw her with the twins and Gavin today
Adrian: that's the one
they were talking and stuff in the morning
Me: you're kidding?!
Me: that sob
Adrian: idk if it was like that
Me: it had to have been like that
Adrian: she seemed happy
Me: she didn't ask where I was???
she hasn't even texted me
oh my god
I'M FRIEND ZONED
I'M ONLY HER FRIEND
I'M RUNNING AWAY
LOVE YOU BRO
wait a minute
you're not friend zoned
the twins probably just introduced her
Me: she already knows him and Harry's friends
the twins are pretty good friends with Harry's friends
Adrian: then it was probs just friendly convo
take a chill pill bro
Me: I've died inside
I'm just a shell of a human now
I've gone to hell today
I'm living in my own personal hell
take a deep breath, okay?
now pick up your remote and play whatever CD is in your player
listen to the song
focus on the lyrics
you're not in hell
I'm by your side buddy
we ain't there yet
and you're not leaving me
we've been friends forever
you ain't slipping that easy
I'll see you after school whether your parents like it or not
text me if you need anything
love you brother ❤️
I ended up doing as Adrian had said. I set my phone down, took two deep breaths, and played the CD that was in the player. I tried listening and focusing on it, but I couldn't. I kept thinking about the stupid rose that stared back at me on my desk. I kept thinking about Carmen, Gavin, and what I should do. I felt like doing nothing. I wanted to do nothing. My mind was unraveling, thoughts running everywhere, and mayhem breaking out. I wanted everything to disappear. I wanted to experience one day that was normal.
But by then, I couldn't even define what normal was. As I thought about how I reached that moment and stared at that rose as it mocked me, my phone buzzed indicating I received another text.
Carmen: Art is not the same without you
What happened today?
Do you not want to take our history test?
Me: ummm, not really
Me: my parents approved
I smiled at our thread of texts and couldn't help but think how Carmen saved me in more ways than one and she would never know.
Me: it was half a lie
and it worked so
Carmen: Well, you have a painting due on Friday for art
It has to be a portrait
Me: of myself?
Carmen: It can be anyone
And he emphasized creativity
Me: who are you doing one of?
I couldn't help but imagine her painting Gavin with this bright smile on her face. I'd rip Gavin's face off if I could.
Carmen: I haven't decided yet
Want to do each other?
It would be easier seeing the other person
And I would rather not do myself or someone in my family
If you want to
Me: I'd like that a lot tbh
I mean great, thanks!
Me: you wouldn't mind telling me everything I missed today?
Carmen: Of course I'm going to
Me: thanks (:
Carmen: No problem (:
Me: you're texting in class
are you bored??
Chris has officially moved next to Michelle
I'm all alone
I'm sorry I ditched you
Crap, gotta go
The smile on my face couldn't have been bigger and was one I didn't think I would wear that day. A part of me questioned the art assignment and if it was an actual assignment. But then I questioned why Carmen would lie to me about something like that. None of that mattered though. I could not repress the feeling I had for her any longer. I really liked Carmen. She gave me a freaking rose, so maybe she likes me too. It's worth a shot.
I had forgotten all about my traumatizing morning, surprisingly, and when my parents came to my room to say bye, I told them to have fun. I decided to spend my day texting Adrian and Carmen periodically. I felt weird as I thought about Monday coming up and what I would do when I would see Carmen. That weird feeling was the best and I couldn't complain, nor did I want it to go away either.
so like, I kinda had writer's block or whatever and I REALLY DONT WANNA talk about how the idea sparked for this chapter. I'm sorry if it sucks and I'm sorry that it is way overdue ): it's late like Niall's library books (ba-dum-tis)
oh and just so you know where I get the personalities for all the characters in Tape:
Niall- a multitude of guys I knew in high school. like some were the guys I went to junior high with. they could be real jerks, but tbh they were some of the nicest guys I knew
Carmen- a combination of a few very good friends I had
Samantha- tbh, the only girls I disliked who picked on me in elementary and junior high---- but one of the girls from elementary ended up going to my high school and we had quite a few classes together. it was awkward for me. and honestly, these girls were "popular" and their reputation blinded their true selves from everyone
Adrian- more very good friends, but my guy friends
Peter- he's all the funny moments I've shared with my friends combined
Harry- okay, so I knew some quiet people who were shy and quite passive. I was one of them, in a way, but he's all those people
Christopher and Mikey (the twins)- I actually knew four sets of twins (3 male and 1 female) and had to include a pair. I guess you can say they are based off two of the male pairs who were a good friends of mine
so there's some facts for ya (: