My Sister's Letters

Looking around the bland white room I have no clue why I'm here. Come to think of it, I don't know who I am. I don't remember ANYTHING. I look down at my wrist and in dark blue ink there reads "Ask the nurse for the letters" so that's what I do.

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6. Conclusions

In the morning the events of the night rush through my head. I open my eyes and find myself pressed against Lucas, his arms wrapped around me tightly. His eyes are open but he's looking up at the ceiling. "Hi," I say quietly. His arms squeeze me tighter against him, but he doesn't say anything. 

We lay like that for a while before I move up so that my face is even with his. I put on my nightie and he put on sweats before we went to bed earlier in the night. "What's wrong?" I ask him, my hand on his chest. But he just shakes his head and won't speak to me. I nod, not looking at him and roll away, getting out of the bed. I pull my hair into a bun and walk slowly downstairs, my lower half hurting more than the rest of my body. 

My mom didn't come home last night and when I check my phone I see that she sent me a text reminding me that apparently she was staying over my aunt's house last night because my aunt and uncle went out for their anniversary. 

I sigh, starting to make some bacon and eggs. I make them at a quick pace and while I'm waiting I sit on the bar stool at the counter. Arms slide around my waist and a face burrows in my neck. I take a deep breath, but I don't move. Lucas reaches for my hand and he plays with the ring on my finger, still not saying anything. 

I get up from the stool to remove the eggs from the pan and put some on two separate plates for Lucas and me. I pass it to him silently and he eats without saying anything. "I'm going shopping with Morgan so you need to leave," I say bluntly and his head snaps up to look at me. 

I roll my eyes and start walking away, but he grabs my waist and I'm pulled back to him. "What? What Lucas!" I snap at him. He gives me a look like I did something wrong - me.

"No. Oh hell no. No way am I the bad guy after you proposed to me, we had sex, and now you aren't talking to me! So it is not my fault. Get the fuck out of here," I pull away from him and storm towards the stairs. 

"Rose!" He calls after me, but I don't care now. He catches up to me effortlessly and pulls me against him again. "You could've just gotten hurt," He says seriously.

"Thanks!" I growl in his face, trying to pull away, but his grip remains firm. "Do you regret it? Is that what it is?" I ask him in a softer voice.

"What? No," He shakes his head. He sighs and swings me into his arms, heading to the living room and sitting on the couch.

"Then what?" I question.

"I just...last night was amazing. And to think that at some point I'm going to lose you..." He stops talking, looking away. I swallow a lump in my throat.

"Why are you focusing on what could happen? Focus on what's happening right now." I tell him softly.

"But it's easier for you. When you... when I don't see you anymore, you won't be worrying about missing me like I'm going to be worrying about missing you. You aren't going to have to deal with your fiancee, or wife, dying. It's so hard." His voice keeps breaking. 

I hold him against me. "Shhh," Tears slide down both of our cheeks. "Baby, I know this is hard. I know that this sure as hell is one challenge that I have never before thought about facing and don't want to face now that I have to. But that's just it. I do have to face it now. And unfortunately you have to face it with me. It's just something that we have to deal with, and both of us have to live with. Lucas, I can't spend what might be last year of my life worrying about dying. I just can't," I tell him.

He looks at me and takes a deep breath to steady himself before nodding. "I love you," He whispers.

I let out a laugh as if not believing it. "I love you too," I smile and kiss his lips, tasting the saltiness from both of our tears. 

"I would never regret that," He says quietly when the kiss ends. I smile at him. 

"But I seriously am going shopping with Morgan today," I tell him, starting to get up.

"But...but..." I press my finger to his lips.

"I'm going shopping with Morgan today." I repeat. I leave the living room and head up the stairs to get ready for the day. 

I pull on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans with a grey cardigan and a turquoise infinity scarf. I also put on turquoise Toms and apply a little bit of makeup to take away the look of the bags under my eyes.

By the time I'm done getting ready, there is a honk from outside, signaling that Morgan is here. "I'm going babe," I tell him. Lucas insisted on vacuuming all of the rooms in the house so that's what he's been doing. I tell him to lock up when he leaves and he laughs.

"Of course. I love you... fiancee," He whispers the last part. I grin and peck his lips.

"I love you too," I reply, heading out of the door. 

Morgan is waiting patiently in the car (aka she is on Twitter while waiting). "Hi," I grin, leaning in to hug her.

"You did not," She says with wide eyes when she looks up at me.

"What?" I ask her.

"You had sex last night didn't you?" She accuses me. My face flushes  I nod. "Oh my god!" She exclaims. I laugh. 

She starts talking about it as she drives asking how it was and what happened this morning and what happened before that happened. She just wants to know every detail and it makes me laugh, making me forget that I'm dying. 

We go to Eblens first and I tell her to pick out any pair of shoes that she wants.  She picks out a cheap pair and I tell her to put them back that it's my treat. Then she picks out a more expensive pair, tries them on, and decides she really wants them. I buy them for her with the swipe of my card. 

"How much money did you get from them?" She questions me.

"None of yo business," I laugh. "A lot," I add. 

We go to a bunch of different stores and she uses her own money to buy some stuff and then I use my money to buy her and myself some things as well. We're out at lunch when I get a call from my sister.

"Hey, I have to be at work in an hour and Andrew was supposed to be back earlier, but they're stuck in traffic so they won't be back for another two hours. Can you come watch the kids?" She asks me.

"Yeah, of course. I'll leave right now," I tell her already getting up. Morgan looks at me with a confused look and I motion for her to head to the car. 

She drops me off at my sister's house about twenty minutes later and as soon as I step through the door my sister steps out, my youngest nephew starting to cry. "Koda," I say picking him up and walking to the couch. He quiets down after a few minutes and I sit on the couch with him, watching Yo Gabba Gabba.

Aidan and Jeremy come upstairs from their room in the basement and ask if they can play the game. I tell them yes, they can but only for a little while and only after Yo Gabba Gabba is over. 

The day passes by slowly but it makes me feel happy - I get to spend the day with my nephews which is something that rarely happens and might not happen again by even fewer standards in the future. Andrew gets home after about three hours and makes the boys stop playing the game. "Oh whatever. You know I should be allowed to spoil them," I stick my tongue out. 

He nods and suddenly hugs me. "Um ow," I laugh.

"Sorry," He pulls back, a frown on his face.

"It's okay," I respond. I ask my mom if I can sleep over Arianna's house tonight and reluctantly she agrees. 

It's the boys time to have movie night and I convince Andrew to let them all sleep on the floor so they pick out two movies and we pile the blankets on the floor of the living room, all of us laying down and watching the movies together. 

Koda cries for a while, trying not to sleep, but finally he falls asleep in my arms as I walk around with him singing. I go sit down and lean against the couch after putting Koda in his bed. The boys, half asleep, start leaning on one another and end up leaning on me, fully falling asleep. 

I smile, starting to let myself fall asleep as well. It feels good to fall asleep with my family, knowing that I will wake up.

***

"Ugghhhh babeeee," Lucas complains.

"What?" I ask in reply. 

"I missed you yesterday," Arms wrap around my waist.

"You saw me yesterday," I laugh, pulling my hair into a bun before calling the boys up from the basement. I say good-bye to them and tell my sister that I will see her later because Lucas is taking me to the hospital so that they can check my vitals and what not as part of the study program thingy.

"I want two tattoos," I tell the Doctor as he takes my blood pressure and checks my cholesterol level. 

"That might increase your pain levels and induce another coma," He replies.

"Is it technically safe?" I ask him.

He nods. "Like I said it might increase your pain levels, but ultimately it is your decision." He tells me.

"Thank you," I smile, turning to see Lucas clenching and unclenching his fists, staring at the ground. He's pissed. He isn't being obvious about it because he doesn't want to make a scene, but I can tell we're going to be arguing about this when we leave. 

"Your blood work still hasn't come back yet, but it should be in by Thursday. You have a check in on Tuesday and one on Thursday, so it'll be a few days until we get the results, but meanwhile the results are going to be tested on and studied at the laboratories around the countries. Different scientists will all be working on your case and trying to research this disease," He keeps talking ,  but I'm paying attention to Lucas who is still staring at the floor.

"Thank you," I say finally with a smile and Lucas gets up.

"I'll get the car," He mutters and stalks out of the room. I sigh. I walk to the entrance of the hospital and the car is pulled up against the curb. I climb into the passenger seat of the car and buckle my seat belt. Lucas' knuckles are white as they clench the steering wheel.

"Alright, what is it now?" I ask.

"A tattoo? Why." His voice is strict and angry.

"So that I don't take so long remembering who I am each time I wake up," I reply easily. His eyebrows furrow.

"The pain will increase your chance of the comas," He spits out.

"No the pain MIGHT increase my chance." I correct him.

"I can get your memory back," He tells me.

"True but what if I wake up when you aren't around and can't get to you soon? And what if my time in between comas is only a day? Then practically my whole time would be spent on remembering. Whereas this will cause the amount of time to decrease," I point out. 

"I don't like this," He says.

"I know. But you're just going to have to trust me," I take one of his hands in mine and rub it softly. He's still tense, and he still doesn't like the idea, but we both know I won this argument. 

***

"Must you set up your new laptop while getting your new tattoo?" My mother complains as I sit with my butt in the chair at the tattoo parlor, one wrist being written on with permanent ink, the other hand setting up all of the features on the new laptop that I just bought. 

"Yes, I must," I stick my tongue out at her and then clench my fist for a moment, pain radiating through my body. I wait for it to subside and take a deep breath, setting up new passwords and favorites for my favorite websites. 

I get the words "Ask the nurse for the letters" written in blue ink on my wrist, having already written out the letters for myself to remember everything about my life. I'm also getting the word "Knight" on my finger because that's Lucas' last name. 

I told my mother about his proposal yesterday and she isn't too thrilled with the idea, as it is forcing her to come to terms with my condition. 

Eventually the painful process is over and I'm left with the normal everyday pain that I am now accustomed to. We head to the hospital now and I turn down the music, looking at my mom. "You understand that even though they are studying me, it does not mean that they will magically find a cure for this disease right?" I ask her. Since she went with me on Tuesday and found out more about the study that she consented to me doing, she's had more hope that they will find a cure for me.

"Yes I know. But everything will work out," That's been her phrase lately. If she will believe that everything will work out, then she honestly thinks it will happen. 

We get to the hospital and head to the check in desk for my appointment. "Mom I want to see Jordan before we leave," I tell her.

"Okay sweetie," She replies on her phone. 

The doctor comes in with an unreadable expression like he always has. "Good afternoon Rose," He says, pulling out his stethoscope. 

"How's it going Doctor Simmons?" I ask him.

"For me or for you?" He questions curiously, sitting on the swivel chair and studying papers. 

"You. I know how I'm doing," I reply.

"I'm pretty good Ms. Evermore. How are you feeling today?" He asks.

"Well I just came from getting my tattoos like I planned, but I'm at about a 6 and a half maybe a 7 right now," Knowing that he means to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten. 

"That's good. If it gets above an 8 and a half I want you to come here. If the 7 doesn't go down by Saturday, call in or come in," He tells me. "Now, the blood work. Everything seems to be in order. Some variables like your iron and calcium are low and others like your sodium level and blood pressure are spiked high. Your DNA is being sequenced to research the disease, but we haven't discovered anything new yet," He keeps talking and I listen, but at the same time it is no new information that I need to hear. 

It seems as if this meeting continues for a while, my mood getting more and more upset as he talks about how they probably won't find a cure and my mom fusses speaking of how everything is going to be fine and the doctor is just lying. I sigh and look down at my new tattoos, trying to think about anything but death.

 

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