"Do you think she'll like that one?" I asked Jai. I can't believe this is actually happening.
"Yes, she'll love it. It's not too big or too small." Jai grinned, he seemed more excited than i was, but that's not possible.
"This ring is perfect," I said smiling down at it.
After 3 years i'm finally going to do it, i'm going to propose.
I want to escape, escape everything. Run, far away from everyone and everything. I’m sick, sick of all of this drama. My accident was just the icing on the cake. It gave Marcus a huge advantage, an advantage which I can’t do anything about.
I want things back to normal, how they were a year ago. Without Marcus in my life trying to ruin everything, I want things to be just Beau and I, like how they used to be, but I guess I’m asking for too much, things will never go back to how they were.
Beau. Beau’s perfect, perfection. He means everything to me, I don’t know what I’d do if I’d lose him. I can’t lose him, he can’t leave me. I’m broken. Beau has always been there for me since I met him and I’ve always been there for him. I love him. If I didn’t have him I don’t know where I’d be right now. I’d have probably given up, given up on everyone, everything and life. I wouldn’t be here, not without Beau.
“You’re the perfect couple,”
No, not anymore. Things just got out of hand, Marcus and the accident being part of it. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel damaged completely, like I mean nothing, useless, irrelevant. I’m not how I used to be. I’m insecure, hurt, full of fear and doubts.
Why does Beau want me when he can have Kaitlyn? Kaitlyn’s flawless. She’s prettier than me, better than me, she’s perfect. Why me? He’ll leave me. I know he will. I’m not good enough for him, I’m not good enough for anybody.
I want to feel free again, but I can’t. Not while he’s around, he’ll hurt me more, break me more and he won’t be there to stop it. He thinks he will but I know he won’t.
Love can either fix you or break you. In my case it’s done both, but it can’t fix me anymore, it’s too late. He wants her, he will always want her. I will now always be his second choice.
I won’t be able to do this, not on my own, not by myself, I’m nothing without Beau but Beau doesn’t want me, not anymore. It’s all a game full of lies, except we don’t know who is lying anymore.
“Do you love her?” I asked him.
“I did, I still do, I was with her for 2 years, she was my first love. I could never forget about her completely.”
His words hurt more then I would have thought, the one sentence replaying in my mind over and over.
I looked down at the water underneath me. The bridge was empty, not a car in sight, not a living soul to be seen. All I could hear were the birds whistling, singing and chirping. It was so peaceful. Nothing could disturb me, I finally felt at peace. I’m tired, so tired. I’ve been tired for a long time now. I can’t do this.
I gazed down once again, watching my reflection. I’m a mess. He won’t ever want me, not while he has her back in his life.
This is it.
Do I jump?