(Please don't) Regret me

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  • Rating:
  • Published: 19 Sep 2014
  • Updated: 19 Sep 2014
  • Status: Complete
"Every time you show your feelings, you apologize. Have you ever had an emotion in your life that you weren’t ashamed of?"
- R.J Anderson, Ultraviole ~ short story about Callie and her sadly unfortunate love life (Skriv hvis du ville være interesseret i, at læse den på dansk!)


3. 2.



         “I hope my last breath is a sigh of relief.” 




                    "Surely, you must be kidding." Said the woman, who's name Callie had forgot the moment she was told it. The girl didn't even bother answering, just shook her head. No, she wasn't kidding. "You're name is Dalliance? There's no such thing, you can't be named that. It's absurd!"

                    "What do you want me to say, M'am?" The woman shook her head and looked down at her papers. She then looked up again, and shook them in Callie's face. "Are these fake?"

                    Yes. "No," Callie said. "Why would I give you fake papers? I want to go to this school, not make a joke."

                    The receptionist snorted, then sighed. "Fine. Miss Dalliance, you're first class is Psychology, it's marked on this map and it started ten minutes ago. Welcome to Hearst College."

                    "Seriously?" Callie cried, but didn't let the receptionist come up with a snide remark before marching out of the office, looking annoyed after the right classroom on her newly acquired map of the school. Finally, she found it, in the other end of the second building. Great. She groaned, pushed her bag further up her shoulder, keeping it from falling down, and running towards the classroom.


                    Aside from the professors lecture, it was quiet in the room except for the sound of pens on paper. Focusing on finding a free seat as quiet as possible, Callie didn't even notice him before she was only a few feet away from him. Immediately, her stomach started making flips and she quickly looked away, focusing harder than ever on finding a seat; now, as far away from him as possible.

                    "I'm getting rain in my hair."


                    "I hate having wet hair."

                    He laughed.

                    "I think you'll live for now."

                    "Probably." She nodded as his face came closer to hers. "For now, anyway." And they kissed.

                    Callie probably would've made it to a seat without the professor noticing anything, hadn't it been for the fact that she - as she passed Logan - fell forward and had to slam her hands onto the nearest desks to keep herself from smacking face-first onto the floor. A quiet muttering started around her and the Professor turned. Callie, however, in a moment of weakness, didn't notice. Instead, she turned to Logan and said loudly and angry; "Did you seriously just trip me?"

                    "What if I did?" Was his answer and for a moment she seriously thought of hitting him right in his stupid face; though, she got interrupted. 

                    "Ahem," the professor said. "Miss, please; you're late. Don't make a scene in the middle of my class, when you're late." He turned to Logan. "And Mr. Martins, if you would please keep from using such demeaning matters of 'fun' in my class, that would be swell. Now, if I may continue?"

                    Callie blushed and quickly found her seat without looking at Logan again. The butterflies were gone. For a moment, she had thought that he would be different; but no - it's never the guy's fault. Not to them, anyway. She got her notebook and a pen from her bag and casually started writing a few notes to what the professor said, however, she was fading out and probably not listening as carefully to what he said, as she should have. Her mind was still on that night, the one that was still so clear in her memory. She wasn't ashamed of it; not at all. It had been wonderful. The person she'd chosen, however, she'd probably wish she could un-pick. Just throw another guy in there, one who'd be a bit nicer the days after and probably wouldn't have a girlfriend.

                    Callie wished she could say that she at least didn't know that he was taken; or that the girl was a bitch and deserved it; or maybe that it just had been the heat of the moment, that had carried them both away. But she knew he was taken; she had only heard nice things about Anna; and she'd known exactly what she'd been doing. 

                    When class ended, Callie had tripped Logan as he walked out of the room; he'd landed on his computer and Callie had made sure to be gone, before he realized According to her timetables, Psychology was her only class today and since all she wanted was to avoid running into any other familiar faces, she'd skip lunch at the school and instead just buy it on the way home. This plan, however, didn't really go as she'd hoped.

                    "What did you do?" Anna said, her face distorted to a grim look. It really didn't make her pretty to look at. At first, Callie just tried to walk past the other girl, but Anna didn't allow that and blocked her way, once again. "What?" Callie said, tired and a bit annoyed. She just wanted to go home.

                    "You tripped him," she said angrily. "You tripped him and now his computer's broken."

                    Callie shrugged. "He kinda deserved it, though, didn't he?"

                    None of the two girls said anything and there was a moment of silence between them. Then; "We're back together."

                    Of course. "Why?"

                    "He wouldn't have done anything like that if it wasn't for you!" She exclaimed and Callie could see that the other started to heat up again. "He would never!"

                    "He would never had done 'anything like that' if the opportunity hadn't been there, yes; it had nothing to do with me. If another girl had made the offer, he would've done it as well."

                    Anna put her hands on her hips. "And how do you know that exactly?"

                    She shrugged. "Because that's just how he is."

                    "And you know him so well? That kiss gave you the ability to look inside his head?"

                    "No, but--"

                    "Exactly! I've known him for years. It was a slip-up from his side. It was nothing new from yours."

                    "Hey, you don't know me--"

                    "Yeah, I do, actually," Anna started to smile a nasty smirk and Callie had the feeling, that what the other wanted to talk about to begin with, was about to come up now. Or probably more what she wanted to gloat about knowing. "I've heard about you. Changing your name doesn't do you anything good, if you make a memorable mess of yourself, every town you go."

                    Callie's shoulders coincided. This had happened before, nothing new; people talk. And apparently, Callie was someone you'd remember. Or at least her actions was. Her stupid, stupid actions. "Look, can you just leave it, please?"

                    The other gloated and put her hands on her hips. "Don't think so. I've heard you've been quite around, Carrie Reynolds."

                    "Please don't call me that."

                    "What? Carrie? But that's your name, isn't it? I heard your have some family,"

                    "Please stop."

                    "Five siblings, isn't it?"

                    "Anna. Stop."

                    "One worse off than the other."


                    "Most of them are in jail, am I right? Violence, I hear. You've been in quite some fights as well, haven't you?"


                    "Well, I'm sure no one is surprised. With you're mothers 'little problem', I mean. Apparently, she never really knew when to put the flask do--"

                    Bang! Most girl would probably had had enough in a slap, but Callie had learned the hard way, that the best way to shut someone up, was with a fist. She didn't wait around to see whether or not Anna got up from the floor again or not, just pulled the strap from her bag higher up her shoulder and went for the run, as people gathered around to see what had just happened. As she ran, tears started streaming down her face. She quickly brushed them away with the back of her hand. Shit. Shit, shit, fucking shit. That was that school. Great. That must've been some sort of record; one day. Momma would be proud. She smiled bitterly before realising what this meant; she had to change her name. Again. It wasn't a problem, not really, and the papers were easy to fake. It was just... she kind of liked 'Dalliance'. Brief love affair. Story of my life, she thought. Except the 'love' part. That was mostly just hormones and lust.

                    "Haven't you got a girlfriend?" She breathed.

                    "Haven't everybody?"

                    "I guess."

                    "Are you saying that you've got a girlfriend?"

                    "I bet you I can predict what you'll say if I say yes."

                    "Is that so?"


                    "Hot." They both said, one in a slightly annoyed voice, that she quickly covered up with a flirty smile. He leaned closer to her and she leaned back, right into a branch full of leaves, still wet from the rain earlier. Great, she thought, now my hair'll get wet.

                    She got into her apartment, that really wasn't hers at all, but those were the things that she rarely worried about anymore. She threw her book bag on the floor and fell down in a chair. What now? She didn't necessarily need to move. She hadn't filled out a correct address, so she could change school without any worries. But though this town was big, it wasn't really big enough. And even if Callie was lucky enough that her real name and story didn't end up with a person who thought of actually going to the authorities with it, she'd still have to live with people knowing. Knowing about all the things she'd done, things she wasn't proud of, not at all. 

                    She got her bag, hoping that somehow there'd be a pack of smokes in there, that she hadn't seen, but it was no use and she threw the back across the room, into a wall. Great. Fucking great. She fell back into the chair and closed her eyes. Why couldn't she have left that guy alone? Why couldn't she not have hit that girl? Why couldn't she do anything right, just for fucking once? Don't even go there, a quiet voice in her head said. That wont do any good.

                    Dalliance. No one really appreciated the creativity she'd need to come up with that name. It was special and pretty. She kind of regretted going by 'Andersson' so many times now. Dalliance. She liked that. A new city, a new school and a new name. Just don't fuck it up, she thought to herself. 

                    A happy melody filled the forest she walked in and she quickly grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket. "Yeah?"

                    "Carrie? Oh Lord, it's actually you, I can't believe it!"

                    "Who is this?"

                    "It's Momma, hon'. Can't you recognize my voice?"

                    Her stomach gave a sudden twist. "How did you get this number?"

                    "Oh, does it matter? When are you comin' home, darlin'? Haven't you had your fun, runnin' around God knows where, tryin' to be all adult, now?"

                    "Don't call me again."

                    "What are you talkin' about?"

                    "I don't want anything to do with you."

                    "Don't talk to your Momma like that! You come right home or I'll smack you right into next week! You've had your fun, now come back! Who do you think you are, anyways? Just leavin' like that, you have duties to take care of here, things doesn't clean up by 'emself, now do they? You get straight home now--"

                    Breathing quickly, she turned of the cell before throwing it into the woods. Slowly, she sat down on a stub sheltered by the trees and branches above, as it began to rain. In the distance, she noticed a tall figure running for the cover she sat in, trying to get there before the rain would start to pour too much. As the silhouette came closer, she noticed it was a boy.She dried away the tears that were slowly making their way down her cheeks, and got on her feet, determinant to get something else on her mind, no matter what.

                    She got on her feet again. No. She was done with all that. She wouldn't run anymore. It didn't work, anyway, so why not actually really try this time? Apologize to Anna. And to the school. Actually try and keep away from douchebags with girlfriends, it's not like there's ever come anything good out of that. She liked the thought; actually being one person. Staying. Making friends, maybe - if she stopped being such a bitch, it could be a possibility. She could stay Dalliance. Hopefully Anna was ok. She should probably make sure, be a responsible person for once in her life.

                    She grabbed her keys and new phone, ready to leave, when she noticed a 'lost call' with a number she could always recognize. Reluctantly, she clicked in on her phone to listen to the message left on her voicemail by her mother. The hopeful smile on her face, the one brought up by the thought of an actual life, slowly melted away.Something had come up. She actually had to come home. There was no way around. She sank down in the chair once again, staring at the wall in the far end of the room, with blank eyes. She couldn't stay. On the other side, it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. Callie knew herself too well; she'd screw it up for sure. 

                    A knock on the door brought her back and she slowly got op and opened. Logan was in the doorway. She didn't ask him how he'd found the place. Or if he'd heard about how she'd hit his girlfriend right in her pretty face and probably made it look a lot less pretty. She didn't ask him why he was here. She just grabbed him, pulled him close to her and closed the door behind him.

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