Pain. Pain is all I can feel. It describes everything right now. I'm feeling numb. I feel like all I want to do is just lay down and take some painkillers. I can't visualize anything all I hear is screaming and crying and just feeling everyone's pain. All I can imagine is blood and bones broken and just sadness in general. I have never experienced this amount of pain and darkness. I want to go home.
I can hear a woman crying and screaming. I can't quite understand it or hear it well. I start to see as I open my eyes. There's not much to see except darkness. I can feel the cold hugging me and not letting me go. I can also feel nothing, it's weird and unimaginable. I can't focus on looking at something because everything is a blur. As my eyes start to get better I can see Nina literally in blood and pain. She's telling me something and I just stare at her because there's no words coming out of my mouth. It's almost like I'm there but not really there. I start to look at her and trying to ask what happened but there's just nothing coming out of me. Except... Blood.
- Mae! Can you understand me!? Can you here me? Mae?! Are you okay? Nina screams
-W-what I-I don't know. I whisper
- Thank God you can speak! Please help me! Look at Jason and please help him and please help Harry. I can't reach them!
-Why does the gravity feel different? I ask
- The car is upside down! Just be careful with them. I can't get them to wake up. I've tried to scream over and over again but nothing helps! Nina said in panic
- Okay Nina just calm down. I will try but please just be silent and try to call 911 please. I say as I'm getting my conscious back
I try reach Harry softly but I'm afraid I'll hurt him.
- Harry? I whisper
There's no answer. I'm not going to touch him just in case. So I'm just going to see if Jason's okay. I touch him and hear mumbling.
- G-g-get an a-amb-ambulance.. Hurry. Jason whispered.
-Okay I will. I whisper back. Nina I'm coming for you. Nina?
Nina was unconscious. Jason and I were the only one's who were conscious so I tried to get him out of the cab but it was impossible. He was too hurt so I was too scared to drag him around.
- Listen Mae, you have to leave us here and get an ambulance. Do you understand? Jason said
- I can't leave you guys, c'moon if something happens I won't be able to forgive myself! I said tears in my eyes but trying to hide it
- Then you better hurry. He said as he was scared for all of us
- What about Harry? I said
- I will try to wake him up.
- But try not to move him, because we don't know where it hurts. We might even break a bone if we're not careful enough.
- Yeah okay. Go Mae hurry up.
I looked at my phone and the time was 02:07 am. It was freezing outside and I tried to get a signal but I failed.
I started to walk in pain and hold on to those marks where it hurt and bled. I took my phone just in case I had a signal and could call for help.
Half an hour went and I couldn't see a thing! It was so frustrating and scary. I didn't even know where we were. I was so scared for my friends and started to think about Harry. He wanted to tell me something so bad but this stupid accident happened. I can still remember the flashback where just before the accident he hugged me tight and I felt safe. That's really stupid considering, we were about to be in a car crash. Oh boy what am I doing. How can I think of these feelings towards him when he's dying for crying out loud. He would definitely kill me haha. Just even a thought of him made me smile. I can't even imagine this life without him, it would be so dark and sad and just something I wouldn't want to live in.
Stupidly I'm thinking of the song we sang when we were in the car. I'm thinking of the lyrics "You met me, you fell deeply in love with me so what is the problem now". It's spinning around my head and it starts to really hurt on my feet all this walking. I really don't know how much longer I can walk without passing out. I don't even see anything I can bare see the route that I'm walking in.
After walking for an hour I start crying. I can't take it anymore, the pain, Harry, Nina, Jason, the driver and this blood. I hate the feeling where I know I won't make it. I know how bad it is if I won't make it and I'm not in self-pity I just haven't been in this much pain. I seriously haven't.
I'm feeling numb. Event though I'm walking, I still feel numb. I know if I stop walking I will immediately pass out on this cold route and I will definitely dye and so will everyone in the cab. I'm cold and tired and I just want to fucking give up this shit. Why do I have to be the one who always has to feel all this pressure?
- Lord just help me please! I really don't know what to do! Oh God pleheeeaaseee. I scream loudly and cry it all out.
- I really can't I just want to see my friends. I mean what if they're dead? W-what if I die? I say weakly
I start to feel a feeling I haven't felt ever. It's like a cold striking your bones and stops you from moving. Something like when it hits you, you know you've been defeated and it sucks. There's no word or any kind of explanation for this feeling and pain. It's something that only gets worse and worse. I felt like puking so I turned and puked blood. Can't say I'm in shock because everything around me is blood, even the route where I've walked through.
Pain. It's something you never know how to control. Something you can't stop from happening and sometimes a thing you can't fight against.