Beautiful Simplicity

A control freak so broken
A simple girl so broken


4. whiskey scented apologies

*1 new message (323) 542 986*

‘Hey B, It’s Luke. Ash’s been really bad without you, he’s set up an account to pay for your rent and there is enough on there for you to live on until you get a job, but he is very bad, he’s been getting drunk a lot more than usual and when he does he just says that he misses you and that he wants you back. Anyway get back to me chick, we all miss you xx’

I sigh and decide to text him back,

‘Hi, It would be lovely to catch up with you guys, do you, mikey and cal wanna come over to mine tonight at about 7?, it’s apartment 25 on 67th street xx’

He replied almost instantly,

‘See you tonight :) xx”

I had three hours to get ready, to make myself look slightly better than my current state, All I’d done for the past week was sit at home watching American Horror Story re-runs and eating noodles.

Getting in the shower, I think about everything that had happened over the past few weeks, meeting that mysterious stranger at the record store and then getting drunk at his party with people I knew nothing about and being involved in his fuck-ton of messed up fantasies. I washed my hair and body and got out of the shower to find some clothes that looked better than sweatpants, I decided on my favourite yoga pants and a Fall Out Boy shirt.

I did my makeup first not wanting to get anything down me, I got dressed and did my hair. I did loose curls in my hair, knowing that it would probably last about 5 minutes with my hair. It was 7pm when I heard a knock at my door. Surely it couldn't be them? I thought guys we're usually late? I rushed to door for some reason, I didn't really want to see them but I was excited to see them too. I flung open the door to see Ashton eyeing me up and down. I tried to close the door to stop them from coming any further, I didn't want to talk to Ashton after what happened. It was too late for me to try and shut my door Luke had his foot wedged in the door, stopping me from closing it. Cal and Mikey both had their hand pushed against it as an extra weight. There was no way I could get out of it now.

"Come in then seeing as I don think I stop you" I couldn't even look at any of them.

Luke, Calum and Michael ran straight past me and ran round into my living room. I couldn't see what they were doing in there, the room wasn't open planned like the rest of my apartment, it was the only place which was cornered off. It was my private space . Ashton walked past me, not taking his eyes off me. I felt like he was looking straight through me. He followed the others and walked into my living room. I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of this, there was no backing out now I had to face him.

I walked into my living room, a place where I used to be able to relax and now seems to be trapping me. I sat down, I briefly looked up to see the guys sitting down on my long sofa across the room. I looked down twiddling my thumbs, I never felt so trapped in a place that I call home. The silence was awkward and nobody could break it.

"Hey isn't the World Cup on?" Calum's smile was enough to make me crack.

I got up and turned on the TV leaving the guys to watch the World Cup, I didn't feel like watching 2 hours of football so I tried to make up an excuse to get out of my living room.

"I'm just going to check on Cody" I scuffled off before any of the guys could say anything.

I heard the TV getting louder, and a faint sound of footsteps behind me. I wasn't going to check on Cody, I knew that he would be fine and probably asleep.

I ran straight through my bedroom finally getting to the bathroom and locking the door behind me. I fell back against my door, I couldn't hold the emotions in any longer. I felt sick and I could hardly cope, I was shaking inside and out. I was a mess, my makeup was streaming down my face. I couldn't bare to see Ashton. He made me feel so good, everything about him. I'd only known him a few weeks and I felt like really knew him, but at the same time I don't know him he was just a stranger. Only one other person made me feel like this, and that was Chase.

"Billie, are you okay? Can we talk?" Ashton voice startled me, I don't realise how loudly I was crying.

"Leave me alone ash, please" I felt sick just saying his name.

"Billie open the fucking door!" He shouted, Ashton’s voice terrified me, the other boys must have heard him.

"I-I can't" my voice struggled to say words.

"Billie just unlock the door we need to talk, please."

I shuffled round from my position against the bathroom door. I heard the click of the lock on the bathroom door, I moved back against my wall, makeup still running down my face. Ashton opened the door slowly to see where I was but once he saw me crying he swung the door open and crouched down in front of me. He tried to pull me closer but I pushed him away.

"Billie don't do this" Ashton's voice was clearly distraught, he tried to reach for my hand.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me!" I screamed out slapping Ashton's hand away from me.

Ashton shuffled back against my door, his eyes trailed up and down my body.

“Do not look at me like that, you pig. I don't know you. I don't know any of you!" I stood up trying to make Ashton leave.

"Billie can't we just talk?" Ashton also stood up making a step towards me.

"You know what, all of you can leave I don't know any of you. Get out! Get out! Get out, please" I broke out into a small fight with Ashton slapping and pushing him away. I tired myself out within second and with my body still shaking I collapsed into Ashton.

Ashton put both his arms around me, pulling me close and comforting me best he could.

"I-I-I hate you" I couldn't bring myself to say it. My voice was muffled by me leaning against his already tear stained Nirvana top.

I was suddenly picked and carefully placed on my bed. He lifted me up again placing me against my cushions on my bed.

"We need to talk Billie and I need you to hear me out, okay?" Ashton's voice trembled and made me nervous.

"Look Billie the thing is I'm sorry. I want you to listen to me please, just hear me out. I'm sorry okay, I’m not good at apologies, I can't even explain how sorry I am. I can't blame you for thinking that you never really knew me at all. I walked into the shop just planning to buy a CD for the party, I never thought that... well I never thought I'd meet someone that I can't live without. Billie I've know you 3 weeks and honestly you're indescribably amazing . I'm sorry that I handcuffed you to my bed, I know that must have been difficult me restraining you like that. I'm sorry that I ripped your shirt as well. I'm sorry that I came into your work and you've been suspended. I have money for you and Cody, I have enough money to help you out. I got you into this mess in the first place, I’m sorry if that's just offended you. I never wanted to make you feel so small. Look Billie I know we've only known each other a few weeks but you mean a lot to me and I started to worry when you were ignoring me. I got back on the drink, how I used to be. I made Luke text you because I knew you wouldn’t listen to me. I just want to know your okay and please stop crying. It breaks my heart seeing you cry. You told me the other day something about a guy called Chase? What did he do?. Our story is just beginning, i want to get to know you. I’m sorry Billie and you know the main thing I am sorry for? I'm sorry that I told you to strip even though you didn't want to because that was a dick move, that's one thing I don't think I can ever forget. You're beautiful, funny and kind and you're just you. You don't try to be like others or pretend to be different, you make me smile all the time and I feel sick thinking of a day that I won't be with you because you mean so much to me Billie and I think I love you.Now come here, stop crying, I love you okay?”

“I think I love you too” I say still feeling tense in the embrace he was holding me in, “I think I really love you”

Pulling me closer to him I drink in his scent. He smells like alcohol, like whiskey, Luke did say he had been drinking more since I left.

“Ash?” I whisper turning around to face him.

“Yes love?” he says pecking me on the forehead.

“Do you have a drinking problem?” I say confidently

“Not when I’m with you doll” He says nuzzling his face into my neck,

He starts saying something into my neck, He was singing to me.

‘Just know that I'm sorry

I never wanted to make you feel so small

Our story is just beginning

But let the truth break down these walls.

And every time I think of you

I think of how you pushed me through

And show me how much better I could be.

Here I am with all my heart

I hope you understand

I know I let you down

But I'm never gonna make

That mistake again

You brought me closer

To who I really am

Come take my hand

I want the world to see

What you mean to me’

Before I could say anything Mikey burst through the door slightly drunk, obviously having found the beers in my fridge.

“Can we order pizza pleeeease” He says dragging out the ‘please’ like a child would.

“Sure Mike” I say smiling at him before looking back to Ashton

“A 29 year old business man singing disney, now I have seen everything.”


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