20. chapter 20
I'm walking down the dark street by the light of the street lamps. It's so cold and my shoes are hard to walk in and I can barely see through my tears. Luke is yelling behind me "wait Avery I love you please just listen to me!" I have no idea where I'm going. There is no where else to stay other than Luke's. I turn around to face him "Fine! I'm listening. What's your fucking excuse luke?" I yell at him. "Avery baby I'm sorry I don't even like her much less love her. I love you. I was just drunk and mad and I don't know what to do." He said starting to tear up. "Baby I'm sorry just let me hold you. It will never happen again. I won't drink again either, I don't want to be like this. I want you to be mine." He says starting to scramble to apologize. "Luke you're drunk how do I know you mean any of this?! I can't believe you kissed some random girl either. After I lost my virginity to you?! You used me! You took a part of me I can never get back and you used me. You said you loved me luke!" I scream starting to cry even harder. Suddenly luke wrapped himself around me. His body was warm and he smelled like his usual sent mixed with vodka. I just let him hug me while I cry. "Sshhh baby I love you I do. I can't lose you. It will be okay." Luke coos in my ear, his warm firm chest muffling my sobbing. I should have pushed him off. I should have made him beg for my forgiveness. I should have left and gone anywhere but back to his house. But I let him hold me and I let him kiss my cheek and I let him carry my weak body back to his car and I drove us home. Because I'm a weak girl. And I've never had anyone take care of me the way he does..or did. I don't know what it will be like when he sobers up tomorrow morning. As soon as we got up stairs to his room neither of us said a word. He took off his shirt and I couldn't help but stare at him. He's beautiful. Then he took of his pants and climbed into bed in his boxers. I went to the bathroom and took my makeup off. I threw on my pajama shorts and one of my gray blink sweatshirts, making sure not to wear one of his shirts. I came back into the bed room and he frowned. "why aren't you wearing my shirt?" He said half pouting. "I can't luke not yet" I said shaking my head and walking out of his room leaving the boy I love. I was going to go to the room across the hall but it didn't feel right. So I walked all the way down to the basement to sleep on the black leather couch where just hours earlier, things were perfect.
I guess Avery went to sleep in the room across the hall. I guess that's understandable, I did ruin her trust tonight and break her heart. God I hate myself for doing that. I'm so stupid. I didn't deserve her in the first place and I definitely don't deserve her now. I'm garbage. But I will give her the space she needs tonight so we can talk it out in the morning. I will be so hungover but I have to win her back I can't lose her for real.
-----THE NEXT MORNING-----
I wake up around 8:30am and walk up stairs to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I toast a bagel and spread cream cheese on it while I drink my coffee. I decide to walk outside on to the back deck. The morning winter air hits my face making my eyes water. The sun has just come up and there is snow on the ground sparkling from the red orange morning sun. I sit on the couch they have outside and sip my coffee. If I wasn't still upset about luke betraying me this would be perfect. Sitting outside in the cold winter air with my coffee just waiting on my boyfriend to come join me. But really I'm waiting for my boyfriend to join me and explain that he wasn't using me...I hope.
I must have sat outside for a long time because when I came in I heard luke yelling something upstairs which meant he was awake. What in the hell is he yelling about? I walk upstairs to see what's going on and I hear sniffling like someone is crying. "Luke?" I say as I look in his bedroom but he isn't there. Then I hear luke say "Avery!" As he runs out of the spare bedroom across the hall, "oh thank god I thought you left me." He says taking me into a deep embrace, making my cold body much warmer. I want to hug him back so bad. But I can't. I can't give him that, he will think I've forgiven him, but it's far from that. "Yeah well I'm still here." I say pulling away from him. "Oh god Avery I'm so sorry. I'm such a god damned idiot. Im in with love you and I don't want to do anything to mess up what we have." Luke says to me with tears still in his eyes. I can't help but love him. I reach up and swipe my thumbs under his eyes. "It's ok." I weakly say. His blue eyes sparkle as they look up to mine in astonishment.