Everything I Didnt Say

5sos made a vow that girlfriends are off limits. But when Ashton falls in love with the girl next door, how will he keep it a secret. With bitter words spoken, everything's broken. It's too late to bring it back to life. With time ticking away, will it all be okay? Or will they fade regretting everything they didn't say.

Self harming,
Drug use,
Suicidal scenes,
Hospital scenarios,
Near death experiences,
Brutal Arguments

You could say it has everything but to a certain extent. Don't freak out if you feel uncomfortable about any of those things.
The story makes for a good read and you will not get bored. Give it a go!

Please Fan me and if this Fab fic isn't your cup of tea then I have 2 other fan fics that might float your boat.



13. I wrote this song

Ashton's POV

It's been 3 days since I have seen Luke. Calum and Michael have visited him and so has Belarna. I am visiting him today because I have something planned. I don't sing very good in my opinion but that doesn't really matter. I wear a long sleeved shirt even though it's in summer. Its because I don't want anyone to see what I did. They always get worried.

I walk into Luke's hospital room and ask the nurse for some privacy. "If you need me I'll be right outside in the nurse room"

"Hey Luke, it's Ashton. I have been missing you. I know that this is because of your tumor but to be honest his whole situation is my fault. The last song we wrote was 'everything I didn't say' so I decided to re-write it. I'm praying for the best but I re-wrote it for you incase you died. If you do, I want to have the relief of knowing I played it for you.

Wait, don't tell me

Heaven is a place on earth

I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't

Show you what your really worth

The way, you helped me

I know I should've put you first

I was wrong I admit, guess I was pissed

Now your a breeze through my finger tips.

Taking your last breath away,

With all of the mistakes I've made

The memories I could have saved

This is everything I didn't say

I wish it didn't end this way

Now I'm the only one to blame

I know now that its way to late

This is everything I didn't say.

Wake, me up now

And tell me this is all a bad dream.

All the songs we have wrote, all the wrongs that I hoped

Would erase from your memory.

Holding onto, your broken and lifeless heart

Things that I should of done

To prove you mean a ton

I wish I could bring it back to the start

Taking your last breath away,

With all of the mistakes I've made

The memories I could have saved

This is everything I didn't say

I wish it didn't end this way

Now I'm the only one to blame

I know now that it way to late

This is everything I didn't say"

"That's it Luke, I know I can't sing but- i wrote that because i thought you were going to die. I know you can't respond but I want to tell you that I started it again. You know what I'm talking about, I go to the bathroom every night and do it. People have found out whats happened and they know it's my fault. All of the 'Luke girls' are posting #ashtonkeepcuttingyourtrash because they all hate me. Everyone hates me luke. I swear to you on my mother that i would never mean for this too happen. I'm leaving now goodbye"

I realised his hand and placed it back in the bed. I needed to get out of here. Not the hospital, not the town, I needed to get out of this body. I got home and was in the room. For my whole life I had promised Luke I wouldn't open his special draw. I just had to. I opened it and the first thing I found was a book messily labeled saying "Luke's songbook" this whole time Luke writes songs but he doesn't tell the band. I decide to read one called 'the perfect disguise'

Take a left at the exit please

His just gotta get out of this body

His lungs collapse at the side of his guitar

Regrets with nothing left so far

Cuz he knows, when or not to play himself

I stopped there. That song sounds exactly like me and my situation. Also in the draw is something else. A blade. Luke said he's never done it before. But this blade has definetly been used. I just want to run straight back to hospital and check his wrists. I haven't payed much attention to them ever. I look in the draw and then find a folder. I open it. It was at the bottom of this draw. Under a few random things

Certificate of name change 01/08/96


Lucas James wiltshire___ Patrick wiltshire Patricia Wiltshire

Name changed to:

Lucas Robert Hemmings


I couldn't believe it. Lucas James Wiltshire? And those are not his parents. That's confusing. I look at the next page in the file.

Certificate of adoption 26/07/96


Lucas James Wiltshire

Adopted parents:

Liz Hemmings

Shshks Hemmings

The name change has been set to 01/08/96 at the city hall.


I cannot believe this. Luke was adopted and had his name changed. Their was one more page.

Certificate of death


Patrick Wiltshire

Patricia Wiltshire

C.O.D (cause of death)

Car crash on the way home from hospital. Mother held her baby tight upon collision with a truck. Father died instantly with mother dying in hospital. Baby survived in mothers arms and was put up for adoption.


I cannot believe this all, I shouldn't of opened his draw. I can't stop now so I see the last thing in the file. To pictures of a woman and man and then a picture of a smashed car. Tears form in my eyes. Luke never told anyone. Is this why he cuts? I cannot believe his mother sacrificed her life to save him.

I cannot tell anyone. I shut the folder and put everything in the draw. I lie down on Luke's bed with even more hate for myself. I didn't know this had happened to Luke. I was speechless

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