14. each cut has a story
As days went by I have yet to tell anyone about what I discovered. Nor have I visited Luke. I can't cope knowing that his whole life is a lie. All the stress he was going through yet I still wasn't there to accept his advice when he was just trying to help. I started... Cutting again, I do it for my pain, and Luke's. I realised that I can't not visit him and that I will go tomorrow.
I have been walking around this white room for so long. I don't know where I am but every once and a while I will see someone and then they disappear. Ashton sang me a song once. It made me cry, but then he just disappeared. Belarna is telling me how hard Michael and ash are taking this. Calum talks about his girlfriend keiran. She sounds nice. But whenever I go to say something they disappear. I don't know where I am but I want to find an exit.
The next day I woke up cuddling Belarna (we have a double bed and I moved in with her because I wasn't coping alone, I'm still not coping) I got ready to visit the hospital. "Ash do you want me to come?" She asked. "No, I have serious things to discuss, private things." I reply. "Ashy you should be able to trust me" she exclaimed. "Belarna I do, honestly. It's just I can't even trust myself with this. I will be back in 3 hours." I explain before hopping in my car and heading to the hospital.
I open Luke's door, still asleep. I sit beside him and the nurse leaves. "Luke. Buddy. It's Ashton. I'm sorry I haven't been to visit in awhile, it's been a rough 2 weeks. I'm just gonna tell you, I opened your drawer. The private bottom one and I saw everything. Luke I'm so sorry I had no idea about your back story. Don't worry I haven't told the guys. I started cutting because I'm worthless."
I cut myself of before remembering finding a blade in Luke's drawer. Since he can't object I can find out the truth. I pull out his arm and hesitate to flip it over. I do. I remove all the armbands and thingys from his wrists. Sure enough there are scars. "Luke, i have been the worst friend to you. I let girls hurt you, I didn't let you help me, I was rude to you. I hurt you bad. It's hurt me too, to the point of damage so hard that my brain isn't coping. This will be my last visit. I love you buddy. If you don't make it through this then at least you will join me. In heaven. This is goodbye" I say bawling with tears on my cheeks.
"ASHTON, stop walking away, come back!" I say as his figure fades away. I chase after him grabbing him. And follow him out of here.