10. Chapter 10
“I’m usually not a supporter of telling about the possible side effects” She adjust her glasses and glances at me, with a knowing look.
“Yeah, but I know you will just search them up on the internet, if I don’t tell you.” She pauses, eyes me a little skeptically. NOT AT ALL. How can she judge me like that? I would not have thought about doing that before now. Okay, maybe I would. I’m not going to deny, that I’m not to keen on getting medical help – in form of pills at least.
10th Entry, 2014
Diary, my dear diary,
I just got home from the psychiatrist, and I can’t deny I got a bit surprised, when she started talking about medication. Thoughts like; doesn’t she want to talk with me a bit more before deciding that and are you serious? Is it that bad? Where constantly running through my head as she talked with me and my parents as well… I’m scared. I don’t want any of the side effects. My mind went completely down when she started mentioning possible side effects as hair loss, hallucinations and blood clots in the heart. I swear my heart was beating 60 miles an hour even when she told me the chance of getting those exact side effects was really really small. WELL, JUST THE FACT THAT THERE IS A CHANCE IS SCARING MY TO DEATH. Of course I didn’t say that though, or I did, but I kind of put it in another way. No need to sound completely out of my mind, right?
Anyways, I’m starting with half a pill tonight. The plan is that my dose should rise a little each week, because my body needs to get used to the medication.
Next week, I will need to go see the psychiatrist again, so she can check up on me. Hopefully this is the right decision, but either way… I can’t help but not want to take those pills. I feel like people are going to think I’m mentally ill, even though anxiety is definitely not an illness. Anxiety is not something you can get rid off, but you can lessen it – or so the psychiatrist said.
I will be going know. I don’t know when my next entry will be. It will probably depend on how it goes with the pills, so for now,