I've never thought that I would ever want to be as far away as home ,as I do right now.I stayed at Cal's after school, but that was only to avoid Cole. Apparently he was outside for three hours waiting for me.
I felt bad to leave him hanging, but I just didn't want to talk to him.Right now I'm standing at the top of the stairs of my porch,Waiting for my mum to get home.
A part of me is screaming 'Get out of here, run to Calum's house or Harry's house somewhere you feel protected!' But than another part of me is screaming 'No stay, maybe this will be a dawn of a new day, maybe she will get better and you guys can be a family again."
But than I think to myself, even if she does get better, even if she does stop hurting herself, my parents both destroyed every single shred of family we had left. I want to leave, I want to go somewhere I'm protected. But I'm not going to dodge this talk we are going to have.
Because you never know what the outcome is going to be. Maybe she will get better, or maybe she won't. I will never know if I skip this talk. I have to be the grown up right now.
"Katrina" I freeze as I here her say my name, should I run? Should I stay here and talk to her? Maybe just maybe something will change. I look up and I see her with a pack of beer and a joint in between her fingers. My heart dropped.
I should've known she wouldn't have gotten better, she's never going to be better because she doesn't want to. I felt anger build up inside of me. Was she drunk or high when she called me!? Did she even want me here? A million thoughts running through my mind.
"Katrina, I didn't think you were going to be here. Do you want to come inside?" Instead of answering her I started walking to the street. I heard footsteps following me but I ignored it. I just kept walking.
"Kartrina Marie Davis, where are you going?" I kept ignoring her and kept walking. She could go have fun with her beer and weed.
"Why are you ignoring me?" She asked I finally stopped and turned around. "Did you seriously just ask me that?" She looked taken back with my tone. I was never the one to ever answer back with such attitude.
"I-I-i" is all she could spit out. "I-I-I what to high to say something? You know why I came here mum? I came here because you called me to come talk with you. I thought you were actually going to try to get better, I thought you would actually start to act like a mother to me but you know what I was wrong. I say out here for 3 hours waiting for you. And it's was just a big waste of time because I should have known that you would never get better. You will always be the drunk immature child instead of my mum."
I snapped releasing my anger I've been holding in for so long.it felt so good to finally say that, it felt amazing. She looked absolutely shocked and bewildered. All that I said was true, and she knew that. She gulped and started to walk backwards, she friend around and started walking to the house.
I started walking to the nearest gas station there was, maybe I can get something to eat. On my way I started thinking about what I said, looking at her face. Than out of nowhere I felt a tear slip, and another one after that, than multiple ones after that.
I ran to the park that was beside me and sat at the swing sets crying. I must've been there for hours, didn't matter I was still crying. I'm such a horrible person how can I say that to my mum? Knowing what she's going through? ' but think about how much you are going through' a voice in my head said.
Doesn't matter, nobody notices how sad I am, they will never notice. I'm just always going to be the 'perfect girl' in their eyes.
Without thinking I started walking to the only place I really do feel safe, I'm going to Harry's house.
Only an hour later I stood at the entrance. This was a bad mistake it's late and they are probably sleeping. Maybe I can sleep on the streets on a bench, it wouldn't be the first time. I sighed and turned around.
"Kat?" I turned back around to only see the sight of a sleepy Anne. I couldn't help it now, I cried and hugged her as tight as I can. Everything hurt, my heart, my brain,my legs, everything.
"Oh dear, it's ok shhh it's ok. It's all going to be ok." I couldn't stop as much as I wanted to I just couldn't. "N-no I-It's not." I managed to say. I felt Anne starting to move back with me still crying in her arms. She closed the door and pulled back. She cupped my cheeks and looked at me with pain and sadness in her eyes.
"Why don't you sit on the couch and I will grab Harry ok?" She asked I nodded my head still crying. 'Katrina stop! Your an actress use it.' I wanted to listen to that voice but I couldn't.
Seconds later Harry came down with Anne. He looked at me and his face was blank. Anne wispered something in his ear and than looked at me.
"I'm going to make some tea ok?" I nodded and tried to take some deep breaths. She kissed the top of my head and walked into the kitchen. It was just me and him, neither one of us knowing what to do. A sob came out of my mouth, I was trying to hold it in but again I broke down. He took long steps and walked up to me.
I looked up at his eyes, I see pity in them. The next thing I did surprised us both. I hugged him, tighter than I hugged Anne. He hesitated but hugged me back. And he hugged me as tight as I hugged him.
I don't know how long we've been like this, but i finally stopped crying. Now I just felt worn out. We broke apart as we heard Anne clear her throat. I felt my cheeks get hot, I probably looks mess right now.
I looked up at Harry and saw a little bit of red on his cheeks too. "I'm going to leave you two to chat-" she stopped herself knowing that I would be the only one talking. "I mean I'm just going to go upstairs, the tea is in the kitchen help yourself." I nodded and gave her a weak smile.
"Goodnight love." She said walking up to me and kissing me in the head. She rubbed my arms and walked to Harry " goodnight other love" she giggled a bit and I can see Harry become a shade darker. Obvious the was embarrassed. He gave her a nod and she went upstairs giving us a wave.
I sighed and walked into the kitchen, Harry coming along. I sat down at the table and looked at my tea. Harry grabbed the sugar and passed it to me. He poured some tea for himself and sat down next to me.
It was silent for a bit, but that's what it's like to be around him, silent. "I'm sorry for showing up like this, I shouldn't have." He looked at me and gave me a look that said 'don't be ridiculous.' I shook my head and took a sip of my tea.
"I really am, it was totally disrespectful of me to wake both of you up and to take care of me again. Seriously dude your like my personal nurse." He let out a small chuckle and I smiled a bit. Silence took over us again, both of us almost finished with our tea.
"I think today was the day I finally broke, god I'm so weak." I admitted looking up at him. He gave me tight smile, than out of nowhere he got up and started walking to the cabinets roaming through all of them. When he finished he turned around with a pencil and paper in his hands.
He walked back towards the table and sat down where he sat before. He hesitated and it looked like he was debating rather or rather not he should do something. I guess he decided since he stated writing on the piece of paper.
He finished and slid it to me. I looked at him and he nodded basically telling me that it was ok to read it. I looked down and felt my breath hitch.
'Breaking isn't a bad thing, it doesn't make you weaker, it just makes you stronger than you already are. Because trust me your strong.'
I felt a tear roll down my tear, I wiped it away and nodded. I looked up at him to see him smiling at me. I grabbed the pencil out of his hand and wrote on the piece of paper just underneath what he wrote.
'I think by just reading that, I'm already stronger.'
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