12. Chapter 12
I was sitting in the student lounge with Darren, venting to him about everything. He was listening intently, trying to figure out what was going on. He seemed surprised that this was stuff he hadn’t heard at all, seeing as he knew basically everything about everyone.
“Well shit…” Darren said when I finished. I took a deep breath and started to tear up again. “Awe come on, don’t cry!” I wiped the tears away and tried to breathe normally.
“I just don’t know what to do. You’ve heard about what I’ve been getting back into and I don’t like it; it’s almost like I’m toxic to myself now and I don’t like it. Even Megan said I was better with Harry in my life, but…he’s toxic.” I sighed, confusing myself.
“Well you clearly like him, so why don’t you try telling him any of this? Maybe it’ll help.” Darren said.
“How can it help?”
“Maybe he’ll realize he likes you too and will stop doing all this toxic stuff and you know, be there for you.”
“But…I don’t know.” I sighed, looking down and sliding down in my chair. “We haven’t even been here a full week and he already told me he likes me. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“Then tell him that. Tell him you want to take it slow because it’s so soon. You can never go wrong with saying that. If you still think he’s toxic a month or two from now, cut it off; don’t drag it on. But you’re right- it hasn’t been a week and it scared you.”
“It does…” I said sadly. “That and it scares me that he hasn’t looked at any girl since he started college and suddenly I show up and it all changes. Why me?”
“Because you understand.”
“What it’s like to be known for your name.” Darren said, shrugging. “He’s known for his name, and you’re known for your dad’s. He sees that and it’s a comfort to him.”
“When did you become like all-knowing of shit like this?” Darren laughed and shrugged.
“It’s just what makes sense. You can’t make sense of it because you’re trying to figure out every possible solution or reason, when in reality there is only one.”
“You’re insane.” I said, shaking my head.
“Nope; I’m just the logical side of your brain. Go talk to Harry now.” Darren said.
“You don’t really have a choice.”
“He’s walking over here now. Tell me how it all goes later.” Darren said, getting up and walking away before I could say anything to him. I sighed as Harry sat down across from me.
“Bethany…” Harry gasped like he had just run a marathon.
“Okay, since you’re here, listen.” Harry looked shocked but nodded. “It hasn’t been a week since we both got here and I barely know you. I’m not about to jump into any form of relationship with you for a while, but if you’re willing to keep the drinking away from me then…I can give it a shot at getting to know you. And if I end up genuinely liking you, then we can talk about a relationship.”
“I need to know you for more than a week before I admit to actually liking you. I still know nothing about you. And I’m not going to date you for your name like most girls on this campus would. I know what that’s like and I’m not going to do it to you so…we can start off slow.” I said. Harry looked completely shocked but nodded.
“Okay…I’m okay with that.”
“Okay…good.” I said, not sure what to say anymore. Harry nodded and leaned back in his chair.
“Wow.” He finally breathed out.
“I don’t know. I expected to have to beg for you to forgive me and to give me one more chance.” I shrugged, still unsure of what to say.
“Well than I guess that was a good surprise.” Harry nodded and looked around.
“Where did that guy go that you were with?”
“He saw you coming so he left.”
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. Were you guys like…”
“He’s a friend Harry; chill out.” Harry held his hands up and apologized.
“Sorry I didn’t mean it like that…I was just curious.”
“You were jealous. You have been for a while.”
“What?” Harry asked, sounding shocked.
“Oh please…I’ve seen your face whenever you see me with him. You don’t hide your jealously very well.”
“I didn’t think you ever noticed me.” Harry said slowly.
“Jesus Christ…you really are clueless.” Harry half smiled and looked down.
“Yeah…I guess I can be.” I half smiled and shook my head.
“At least I can admit it.”
“Yeah, I guess I’ll give you that, Styles.”
“Oh gee, thanks. That’s such an honor.”
“It should be.” Harry smiled at me and I tried to hide my smile but a part of it came out anyway.
Alright so…how do you want to do this?” Harry asked after a short pause.
“I don’t know.” I said, shrugging. It was a little weird having this conversation with Harry since we haven’t had that many conversations before. At least not one’s like this that made me actually nervous. The thought of actually talking to him dating wise freaked me out; it made me stutter, shake, and made my hands feel clammy which is weird as fuck because I never felt like this. I mean, yeah I’ve had a couple boyfriends but…none of them were Harry Styles and this scared me. I never actually thought this would happen so I didn’t prepare myself for it. But of course you need to expect the unexpected.
We sat in the student lounge talking for a little while before I said I had to go. He walked me back to my dorm in silence and we had an awkward goodbye hug but I didn’t mind. When I walked in, Megan was standing there with her arms crossed.
“Okay, sit down and explain what the hell is actually going on. One minute you hate the guy and the next you guys are totally fine. This is bullshit.” Megan said, clearly upset. Which she had every right to be upset because I had always given her mixed signals about him too. So I sat down and explained everything to her; from going to his dorm, to talking with Darren, to what happened with Harry when he found me. She listened intently and at the end, nodded.
“So…?” I said slowly.
“Well I think that’s a better idea than constantly going back and forth with him and freaking me out with the mode swings involving him.” I half laughed then realized she was still a little mad.
“Sorry…I didn’t mean to drag you into it. We haven’t even been here a week and shit is already crazy because of me.”
“Hey, it’s college. Crazy shit is supposed to happen. But at least keep me in the loop with all the craziness.” I giggled and Megan finally smiled. I sighed with relief realizing she wasn’t as mad, and like she had promised when we first arrived here at college, we went out for a girls, roommate night.