I knew Bethany had to been out of it. She looked extremely out of it. It had to have been the vyvanse and the alcohol finally kicking her ass from last night. I pulled her close to me but I knew when she woke up I was probably going to get my ass kicked out of her bed and her dorm and she’d still be mad at me. By the way she was looking at me, it looked like she was still asleep when she was talking to me so it all could just be a dream to her, technically, when she woke up. And I really didn’t want that.
After I was sure she was soundly asleep again, I untangled myself from her grip and slowly pulled myself off the bed, trying not to wake her. As I grabbed my bag, the door opened. I spun around, half expecting her dad, and my ass about to get kicked but it was only Megan.
“What the actual fuck are you doing here?” Megan asked me, placing her bag down.
“I tried to talk to Bethany but she looked so out of it, I don’t think she’ll remember our conversation so I think it would just be better to leave so she won’t get any madder. Megan shrugged and looked at Bethany with sad eyes.
“I don’t know with her anymore. I’ll see you around then.” Megan said, walking around me to the bathroom. I took one last glance at Bethany, and walked out to go back to the student center to start getting all my books or the semester.
I finally woke up around dinner time. I felt a little confused because I thought Harry was next to me but he wasn’t actually here.
“You look confused; are you okay?” Megan asked me. I looked over and she was pinning some pictures up on her wall, finishing her decorating.
“I think I had a weird dream…” I said slowly.
“I thought I remember Harry coming in here to talk to me and I told him to sleep with me because I was too tired to have a conversation but I didn’t want him to leave…”
“He was actually here, babe. He left because he didn’t think you would remember him being here and you’d freak out on him and get madder for being here. So he just left after you fell back asleep.” Megan said sadly. I nodded slowly and looked down at my hands. I rolled out of bed, showered, changed, and told Megan I was going on a walk. She knew exactly what I was doing, but neither of us needed it to actually be said.
When I got to Harry’s dorm, I heard a lot of voices but that didn’t stop me. I wasn’t to hear from him why he actually left me earlier if he claimed to like me so much. Thinking about this had made my anger grow more and more and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or punch him in the face. I knocked on the door and waited a few minutes before Louis finally opened the door.
“It’s for you, Harry.” Louis said, smirking. Harry stood up and came into view. He half smiled when he saw me and tried to give me a hug.
“Don’t touch me.” I said, stepping back.
“Are you okay?” Harry asked.
“Why’d you leave?”
“I’m sorry…?” Harry asked, trying to sound confused even though his whole face gave him away.
“Or you can pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s cool too.” I said, turning, about to walk away.
“BETHANY!” Harry yelled, following me and closing to door behind him.
“You know, it really makes me debate if you actually fucking care for me or not. Most guys I fucking know wouldn’t show up to a girls dorm room, confess that they fucking like them, have the girl tell him that she wants him to stay and then wake up without him there; those aren’t fucking signs of fucking care!”
“Bethany, I just thought…”
“You didn’t fucking think, Harry. Every time I try and listen and open myself up after everything I’ve had to fucking deal with…you just prove to me more and more why I shouldn’t be with you.”
“You’ve over and over again proved to me why I shouldn’t fucking be with you and I sit here and still want to give you a chance…” I said, tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t think you understand how much pain you put me through, and how hard it is to say no to you…”
“I can change I just…I keep thinking I’m going to piss you off since our situation is so…rocky.”
“We no longer have a situation, Harry. Whatever we were, friends, more than friends, whatever; it’s over and done…this will be the last time I walk away from you…” I whispered, tears steadily streaming down my face. Harry reached out for me and before I could push him away, he kissed me hard, almost making me want to cry even more. I finally pushed him away and Harry looked like he was about to cry.
“Please don’t do this…” Harry whispered.
“I’m sorry…but I have no reason to trust you. You’ve done nothing but prove to me you don’t want me and I’m tired of hoping for one day…” I whispered. “Goodbye Harry.” I turned around and started my way back to my dorm, but knew that wasn’t where I was going at all.
I couldn’t go back into my dorm room yet. Bethany had shut me down, yet again. This had to have been the third time in a fucking week and it hurt more and more every time. It was ridiculous how much I had grown to like her in a week. It was absolutely ridiculous how much of an impact she had on me when I barely knew shit about her and she barely knew me. At least on a more personal level. She made it very clear that she knew a lot about me from her family and friends.
I finally walked back into my room after about ten minutes of just staring at where she was standing when she was half yelling at me. The guys got quiet when I walked in and smiled at me.
“Soooo?! What happened?!” Zayn asked, curious.
“She left.” I said, sitting down.
“What do you mean she left? Haven’t you guys been like kind of together this whole week?” Liam asked, confused.
“No, we’ve been on and off all week. It’s like one day we’re okay, the next we aren’t okay. I feel like I’m in a fucking relationship and I she just broke up with me for the final time.”
“Wait that’s what you mean by she left?!” Niall asked. I shook my head, not even able to laugh at his stupidity and idiocy. I knew he was trying to be funny but it just wasn’t working.
“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”
“What did she say?” Liam asked.
“She said I haven’t given her a reason to trust her and every time she tries to let me in, I give her a reason to push me away and I give her a reason for her to push me away.”
“The fuck is up with this girl?” Louis asked. “You could do so much better!”
“We all know he can’t, Lou.” Liam pointed out, sadly. Louis sighed and nodded.
“I was trying to make him feel better.” Louis sighed sadly.
“Yeah…I think it’s better to stick with honesty and not get his hopes up that maybe she’ll come back at some point.” Niall said. “I liked Bethany, I still do, but whatever is going on…you better figure it out and figure out how to fix it if you want her to stick around.”
“I don’t even think she wants to be around anymore.” I whispered, starting to tear up again.
“Look man, don’t let it get to you. Use it as a reason to figure out what’s going on and how to fix it and try and win her back. She’s probably the best girl on campus here for you and I think everyone already knows that.” Zayn said.
“That’s your best bet.” Liam said. I nodded and sunk back into my bed, hoping that some form of idea would pop into my head soon on how to fix this so I didn’t keep losing her.