Draco Malfoy and the Punch-in-the-Face

Draco's third year at Hogwarts. Sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake, and Draco Malfoy and the Better-than-Potter's-Broomstick. Not at all serious in any way.


2. Draco's Unicorn Joke Book

BTW (haha see! I used cool kid muggle slang! I even know what it means......!!!) don’t read if you think you might possibly die of laughingitisness, because I don’t want anyone to die. Except for maybe Potter.



I’ve got laughingitisness!! I’m going to die!












Ok, so I’ve just talked to Mumsy over floo network, and she assured her ‘most darlingist scrumpy wumpy honey pie munchkin’ that there’s no such thing and laughingitisness. I kind of wish she wouldn't call me names like that though. I mean, yeah, I get that I'm awesome and she really wants to express her appreciation of my awesomeness, but OMG, can't she see that I'm not 3 anymore?! WTH even IS a munchkin?!

          What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, laughingitisness isn't even real.  But that’s alright, because I totally wasn’t even scared at all not even a teeny tiny little bit um no of course not.

            I knew Pansy was lying to me.

            Ugh, now I’ll have to rewrite my unbelievably dark pizza-ish plan to kill all the Measle Weasles. 

            But ansyways, onto the unicorn-licious #banter (see? I am so down with all this muggle talk!) 


Q:What do you call a horse with TWO horns?  

A: A TWO-NICORN!!!! (Hahaha get it? Two-nicorn? Oh come on, laugh, that was hilaritastic!) 


Q: Why is the unicorn’s French horn a little different.....? 



Q: What do you call it when sweetcorn falls off the cob?



Q: What do you call unicorn dandruff? 



Q: What is the difference between Justin Bieber and unicorns?  

A: ONE IS A MAGICAL GLITTERY LITTLE CREATURE CONJURED UP BY THE IMAGINATIONS OF SMALL GIRLS AND THE OTHER IS A UNICORN!! (Um so yeah, I’m not exactly sure who ‘Justin Bieber' is, but I’m pretty sure he’s the muggle equivalent of me.)


Q: What do you get if you cross a unicorn and a cow?

A: CORNED BEEF (haha, Weaslehead will like that...not)


Q: What do unicorns call their father?

A: POP-CORN (OMDP you must have laughed at that! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMNO (laughing my nose off.....wait....is that offensive to the Dark Pizza? Uh oh....)

 Okay, I'm going to stop now before someone dies with how funny I am. I mean, seriously. I should throw all this dark wizard stuff down the drain and become a comedian. Or should I say a... UNICORNACOMEDIAN?!!!

Right, that was my best joke so I hope you liked it. If you didn't of course, I'll just have Pospsicle expel you, and the Dark Pizza turn you into some really icky gross stuff like homework or something. 

And now I really am going to go before you all die of laughter, so...


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