Draco Malfoy and the Punch-in-the-Face

Draco's third year at Hogwarts. Sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake, and Draco Malfoy and the Better-than-Potter's-Broomstick. Not at all serious in any way.

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3. Draco's Movellas Profile Page


DRACO_LUVS_UNICORNS1235

0 STORIES         0 MUMBLES       0 FOLLOWERS       7 FOLLOWING

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Male, United Hogwarts, Member Since 9th March 2015, Last online 3 minutes ago

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Hi guys, I'm Draco Matilda Malfoy and yes, that's actually me in my profile picture. It's totally not just the first result that came up when I typed in 'Shirtless muscle man' into Google. No, it's totally me. Totally.

*96% OF TEENS DON'T BELIEVE IN UNICORNS. PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE 4% THAT DO*

Yeah, so I made a Movellas account. Not because I, like, found out that Pansy was on here and wanted to stalk her or anything. Um, no. I would never, ever do anything like that and I'm ashamed that you'd think that of me. No, my Movellas account is for...um, what was this site for again???? Oh yeah. Knitting, right? Yeah, I'm just here because I love knitting so much. It's so fun. I love knitting more than I love unicorns. In fact, unicorns look pathetic next to...erm...knitting. Haha. Ha.... I can't believe I just said that.

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I might list a few of my favourite things now, because that's what Pansy...erm, I mean, all the cool kids seem to be doing in their profiles. So, here goes. My favourite things, just to show what an awesome person with such a well rounded range of talents and interests I am are as follows:

 

- UNICORNS

 

Um. Haha. *Awkward laughing* Yeah, um, I like loads of other stuff too. I just can't quite think of it all right now. There's just so much stuff I love. UGGGGHHHHHHHH this list is rubbish. Give me another chance! :

 

- UNICORNS

- PANSYWANSYWOO (pansy if you see this plz dont hate me okay because ur nickname is adorable just like unicorns and just like meee)

- SLYTHERIN (house pride!)

- THE DARK PIZZA (except for some reason he wants to be called 'THE DARK FRUIT' or something now because pizza is unhealthy and he's on a diet)

- MY TEDDY, MONSEUIR SNUGGLEBUM

- THE DARK ARTS

- QUIDDITCH

- THE WITCH'S WELL OF GOODS (because they sell the BEST pink pinkalicious hair extensions. u can't find that kind of quality anywhere else!)

 

Yeah, so, that's loads of stuff I love and it shows what a cool, awesome, well-developed, well-adjusted, well-rounded guy I am. And, er, if anyone called Pansy happens to be reading this, if you don't like my personality then who could refuse the muscles I'm showing off in my profile picture, huh? I'm practically superman!


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Um. I don't know what to do now because this profile was only made to stalk Pansy with, so - WAIT DID I JUST SAY THAT WHAT NO HOW DO YOU DELETE STUFF ON THIS WEBSITE HAHA I MEANT THIS PROFILE WAS ONLY MADE FOR KNITTING, HAHA, KNITTING. But yeah, I'm not sure what to do, so here's some famous quotes about unicorns to brighten up your day:

"Be a unicorn, everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

"If you want something said, ask Draco Malfoy. If you want something done, ask a unicorn." - Margaret Thatcher

"Unicorn is a word to be found only in the dictionary of awesome people." - Napolean Bonaparte

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to be a unicorn." - JK Rowling

"It is hard to fail, but it is even worse never to be a unicorn." - Theodore Roosevelt

"Unicorns are the key to brilliance." - Bruce Lee

"The name's unicorn. Draco Unicorn." - James Bond

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Haha. Yes, well, I hope the Dark Pizza doesn't see this profile. Not that I don't like knitting or anything, it's just that I don't think he'd apporve and actually...OH, FORGET IT.

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