5. Keep fighting
It's been a week since James kissed me... Since I diagnosed with cancer again.. Since I tried to kill myself... Today I had an appointment with the doctor about my treatment.. The boys came with me...
What if she can not beat cancer this time? What if she die? Oh my God, I am so nervous.. I do not wanna lose her... She is my whole life..
-Beau: Hey, James.. Where are you?
-James: What? I am right here..
-Hope: Noo, you are not..
-Jai: What are you thinking?
-Skip: So Hope..
-Skip: You okay?
-Hope: Yeah.. I am just nervous and scared..
-Luke: No need.. Everything is gonna be alright..
-Hope: Pinky promise?
-Luke: Pinky promise..
30 minutes later we were in the hospital... Jai knocked the doctor's door and we all went in..
So doctor, what's happening now, Beau asked..
-Doctor: The tumor this time is in the part of the brain that controls speech, movement... I am afraid to open her up because there is a huge possibility that she will lose all of that and maybe her memory... The worst scenario is death..
-Luke: No, no, no, no..
-Skip: Surgery is not an option..
-Jai: What else can we try?
-James: What will hurt her the less?
I was watching the boys talking to the doctor and I was thinking that I am the luckiest person in the world.. They really care about me.. They never left me and literally, they saved my life...
-Doctor: The only solution is chemotherapy and radiation..
-Hope: The only solution is to just let me die peaceful..
-James: DO NOT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN..
-Hope: You can not imagine how it feels when the drugs of chemo comes into your body.. You feel like your body is gonna give up on you.. I can not even drink water without vomiting.. And radiation? I do not even know what is this..
-Doctor: It's also cancer treatment..
-Hope: I do not want that.. I just wanna go home..
-James: *yelling* NO.. YOU HEAR ME NO? YOU WILL NOT JUST GO HOME.. I CAN NOT LOSE YOU.. I WILL NOT SURVIVE AFTER THAT.. YOU NEED TO FIGHT.. YOU NEED TO...
That moment he just lost it.. He fell on the floor and start crying.. My heart just broke into million pieces.. I looked at the doctor...
-Hope: When we will start the chemo?
-Doctor: As soon as possible.. But I need to tell you.. I am not sure that this is going to help.. After all.. You might need the surgery..
Hope: I will do anything it takes..
Me and the boys left the hospital.. James was angry..
-Hope: James.. Come on..
-James: Just leave me alone.. Do not talk to me..
-Hope: James.. What are you saying?
-James: Just leave me..
-Hope: No, I will not leave you.. Talk to me..
-James: Talk to you? I can not even look at you right now.. How? How can you give up on yourself? Think a little bit.. Just think.. You can not just leave me and the boys here alone..
-Hope: I will not leave you.. I will do everything to stay alive.. I promise baby.. I promise..