Chapter Thirty Three - Awkward Situations Suck
I listened with little interest with what my parents were saying. Considering that they both spoke in a calm manner over the phone without ripping each others throats out, suggested that this therapy was working.
I progressed to close the fridge knowing nothing inside would really satisfy me. Do you know those times where you open your fridge because your pretty hungry yet when you see the contents of the fridge, it just looks like there is nothing there. Mind you, the fridge is completely full, just not with anything you want.
I was having one of these moments. I huffed as my mum explained how beautiful Sydney was and all the rest. I smiled softly when I saw Brooks walk into the kitchen, stretching his arms, completely shirtless. Subconsciously, I tugged a loose strand behind my ear and he waved at me.
"Listen mum, that's really nice and all but I have to go," I told her, I didn't have to go but I really wanted to talk to Brooks. Not that there was something I needed to tell him urgently, I just wanted to hear his voice.
"Okay, well I'll call you tomorrow." She said and I bid her goodbye before hanging up.
"Good morning beautiful," I was greeted in a raspy by Brooks who walked towards me with open arms. My heart skipped a beat when he called me beautiful. So as my heart hammered away, I was enveloped into a warm and tight hug.
"Morning Brooks." I mumbled into his bare chest. He was so warm and although we didn't make skin to skin contact, I still felt my skin tingling in his warmth.
"What's on the agenda today?" I asked him as we pulled out of the hug.
"You," he smirked and I swallowed. You see, today Colt and Tara had a fundraiser they had to attend in south Melbourne, the drive is quite long so the pair will be staying there. A whole night.
So now I wasn't so sure if Brooks' sexual jokes were just jokes anymore. One whole night, just he and I. If you can connect the dots then you will understand my fear. There have been many moments in the first week that Brooks and I have been so caught up in a heated make out session that he began to pull his shirt off.
It was obvious then that something clicked that I knew we should stop. He didn't grunt or groan every time I pulled away, in fact he has been quite humble about it. He nodded, understood and pulled off.
I had to give him credit, for a guy who went to having sexual relations maybe twice a week, he's gone to having none at all for almost four months. Oh no, I was probably killing the poor boy. I know Brooks loves me, he tells me all the time so I know he would never dump me due to me not being ready.
"Al, what are you thinking about?" He asked, zoning me back into the world.
I couldn't tell him that I was thinking about having you-know-what with him. "Nothing." I replied, slipping away from the bench.
"There's nothing to eat in this house." I exaggerated when he mimicked my actions by opening the fridge.
He turned to me, "I know something I can eat," he claimed suggestively and I tried to hide my nervousness.
I was slightly taken aback that he would just voice that, I know with Brooks I should now be accustom to this banter but he continually surprised me, which I guess I some sense is a good thing.
"Too far?" He asked, most likely noticing my unsettlement.
"Too far." I said and he nodded.
An awkward silence passed and I kicked myself because I hated when I did this in our relationship. "I'm just gonna...ugh I am..gonna go." I stammered, further punishing myself for being incapable of saying a correct and stable sentence.
"Yeah," was all he said, scratching the back of his neck. In his eyes, I read that he was also kicking himself. I sighed before exiting the kitchen and I began to climb the stairs.
I stopped at Tara's door, behind I could hear the hum of Teenage Dream. Twisting the knob, I opened the door to find Tara happily packing. I could see her struggling to fold to a jacket so I approached her and took it from her hands and began to fold it myself.
She gave me a grateful nod before mumbling a thank you. When I completed folding it, I placed it in her bag but my hands fumbled a bit and they landed on a square box. My eyes widened as I saw the label 'condoms'.
"Tara," I breathed, not knowing was to say.
"Shit," she mumbled, fumbling to get the box out of my hands and shoving it deep into her bag. "Listen, it's nothing alright? Just don't call mum and dad." She said desperately.
"Tara, who?" I asked but then it clicked. She was sharing the room with Colt, who else?
"Oh I didn't know, you know that you were, you two..." I stammered awkwardly.
She placed a hand to my arm, "Of course you had no idea that I liked him, nor did you realise that when he came back that he was head over freakin' heals for you Alex." She exasperated.
"I'm sorry." That's all I could say.
"It's not your fault," she said softer.
"Just be careful." I told her, taking on the role of the older sister.
"I will," she said before smiling widely. "What am I saying? You be careful, you might need some of these," she quickly dived her hand into her bag, opened the packet and handed me multiple packets.
After I refused, she -without my permission- stuffed the packets the pocket of my hoddie.
"Tara, I really don't need all these, I mean I don't need any at all." I corrected.
"Trust me, this day has been coming for the both of you. It's just convenient now. And with a boy like Luke, you may even need more." She said and I blushed mildly.
"I'm scared," I whispered and she pulled me down on her bed.
"I know, I was scared too but luckily for you, you have a guy like Luke who loves you and who will take it slow and make it the best experience of your life. Unlike me, who fell weakly at Josh stupid-university-boy, who went hard and fast, not caring about my emotions before rolling off." I thought long and hard about her words and nodded.
"Just look after yourself. Don't feel obligated to do anything you don't want to do," her eyes warned me.
"I won't." I promised and she smiled.
As I began to walk out she sang, "Make sure he wraps it." I was mortified, covering my face with my hands.
I progressed to my room to bid Colt goodbye, seeings as though they were leaving within the hour. "Hey," I said softly as I pushed the door open.
"Hey Ally," he said, briefly looking up to greet me before returning to fixing up his wallet.
"All ready?" I asked, leaning awkwardly on the door frame.
"You can come in," he laughed, "and yeah, almost ready." He said before sighing and shoving his wallet into his back pocket.
I walked to where he was sitting and I placed my body on my-his bed. "I hope you have a safe flight. Are you sure you don't want us to drive up?" I offered and he smiled weakly.
"Thanks but I'm sure we will be fine." He declined politely.
"Look after her okay?" I blurted out.
"Will do. Look after yourself Ally, I know he's your boyfriend but he can still take advantage." Was that what was on everybody's mind? Did everyone know?
"I can take care of myself." I told him, with a thankful smile.
"I know," he muttered and I took this time to look around. Where my makeup -still new and never opened- used to sit was now occupied by a range of aftershave and deodorant. My Sherlock Holmes and The Big Bang Theory poster was now hidden behind a Ramones poster. My once humble cream sheets were now a violent blue. I guess my room needed a make over.
"Well I'll say goodbye to you when you leave." I stated and he nodded.
With one more glance in the room, I left and travelled back downstairs. There I found Brooks sprawled out on the couch watching an episode of The Wiggles as he fed Annabelle. I always loved it when he looked after her because he was so nurturing as though she were a real baby. He held her like she were delicate and the most amazing thing in the world. Last night I found him singing her a lullaby on the rocking chair in the study. Fair to say that it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
"Al, you really shouldn't stare, it's rude." Brooks said without moving a muscle. His head hadn't even turned in my direction, how was he aware of my presence? Considering I was wearing socks it would be hard for him to remotely hear my movement on the stairs. Maybe he has a Brooks sensor too but for me. Maybe like an Al raider. I kinda like the sound of that actually.
"Bite me," I replied sourly as I joined him on the couch.
"Just tell me where." He winked and I rolled my eyes.
"Who's your favourite?" I asked him, my eyes finding their way away from Luke's perfect completion and now towards the TV.
"You are." He stated and a smile tugged on my lips.
"From the show." I dead panned which made Luke chuckle.
"Oh definitely Jeff. I mean, come on he basically has the life, sleeping whenever he wants." Brooks answered as though the majority in their right mind would choose Jeff as well.
"My favourites Anthony, thanks for asking." I replied sarcastically.
A smile played on Brooks' lips. "Why is he your favourite?" He inquired.
"Do you actually care or are you pitying me?" I asked, squinting at him in attempt to raise the pressure.
"I care about what you have to say but I just want to listen to your voice so don't stop talking." A blush crept on my cheeks from Brooks' flattering words. So as I rambled on about the blue wiggle he stared admiringly at me. Most likely not listening to a thing I was saying but simply listening to the hum made by my vocal chords as I spoke.
"You're beautiful." He blurted after I huffed from my speech.
I was at a lack of words.
"Okay you two love birds, have fun but not too much," Tara teased and immediately I rose from my seat.
"You're going?" I asked with sad eyes and she sighed.
"Yeah we better hit the road." I know they were only going for a night it felt like they were going forever. Brooks and I were going to have this whole big house to ourselves. I pulled Tara into the tightest hug which she returned.
"Stay safe," she said as she walked over to Luke and hugged him.
"Bye Colt," I bid him goodbye as I stood on my tippy toes as wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He held my back and hugged me also.
"Bye Ally," he sang in my ear before Tara began to complain that she wanted to get to the airport on time. They walked out the from door, their luggage trailing behind them as they progressed to the car. Brooks and I stood at the door and waved them goodbye.
As soon as they were gone I would have liked to have breathed a sigh of relief when in fact my breath just hitched and my heart hammered away in my chest. Maybe Brooks wasn't thinking of doing anything tonight? Would you just relax? It's Brooks we're talking about here, I told myself.
I hadn't noticed that I was just gazing out the front door, to now an empty driveway where Colt's expensive car once rested. So I closed the door and averted my gaze to the voice speaking aloud on the television. Brooks resumed in his position and it was quiet. It was nice.
"Annabelle's asleep, I'll settle her in Colton's room." Luke stated so I complied.
"I'm gonna take a shower." I told him as I walked up the stairs.
"You know Al, a shower is always fun if there's two people." His voice rang suggestively.
"I'll pass." I replied, peeling off my jumper and tossing it on my bed. One of the packets fell out I noticed when I reached the door but I was in no mood to walk back and hide it. Maybe Brooks wouldn't notice. Reaching the bathroom, I locked the door behind me, tossing my towel over the steel bar and I opened the shower curtain.
Turning the hot water knob on, allowing the fresh water to seep through the shower head I relaxed instantaneously. I stood there for a good thirty seconds before there song Out of My Limit popped in my head and I couldn't help but sing out the lyrics. I was never one for singing but I knew my singing was bearable. I knew it didn't sound like a dying whale. I genuinely recorded myself to see if anyone cringed when I opened my mouth.
I cleaned my body and then turned the tap off and dried my body. Upon exiting the shower I noticed something odd. There was no noise upstairs. No activity at all. Then why was I feeling so eerie? Literally, I am over analysing everything since the element of intimate physical contact came into the equation.
It's just sex.
I take that back. It's not just sex for me. It's all apart of the emotions for me. I can't help it, i'm a die hard romantic. I don't want to be one of those girls who he makes appointments with. I don't need candles and roses, but I just want it to be love. And that's what we have right? So why am I being so mellow dramatic?
Holding my head high I walked towards my room where I closed the door behind me. Advancing to my cupboard I couldn't help but take a step back because I noticed something on the bed. It was a pink store bag. I couldn't exactly make out what the stores name because the font was too curly and conjoined to make out a single letter. I approached it and peered in.
I gasped as my hands clutched the very little laced fabric. Imminently I knew it wasn't a gag present because a little note was attached to the side.
I wanted to make you feel even more beautiful - Brooks.
My eyes widened and I blinked several times. If the intent was supposed to make me feel beautiful, then why did I feel so violated? Suddenly I felt less comfortable about this whole situation. Changing into the biggest tracksuit pants and jumper I could find, I mustered up the courage and trekked downstairs with the pink store bags handles in my hand.
"What the hell is this Bro-" I began to yell, throwing my hands over my head but then I stopped in the middle of his name because I saw five heads staring at me, biting back their laughter.
"Oh my gosh." I breathed and in the attempt to exasperate the bottom half of the lingerie managed to slip out and was now resting on the floor boards.
"Luke's getting lucky tonight." I heard Daniel hoot but shortly after he was punched square in the gut.
"Al, listen, I can explain," he began but I could not even think about listening to his excuse. He was obviously making a point by handing me that gift, with intentions of course.
"Why?" It was the only thing I was capable of asking.
"What do you mean why? You were the one flaunting those packets around!" His voice was pained because he received the impression that I unintentionally left.
I am not ready. Especially after this.
Several hoots and cooes followed Brooks' response and I was well mortified at that point. "I was not flaunting anything, they're not for me." I found myself screaming but we were both taken off guard because I never raise my voice.
"They're for me, I know." He began but I was shaking my head. My blood was boiling, my cheeks were most likely the deepest shade of red and my whole body was shaking involuntarily. How could he embarrass me like this? Bringing in a stack of boys to show off? Was that his intent?
I heard my heart beating at an abnormal pace and I knew that I just had to get out. I ran up to my parents bed room, dived on the bed and just cried in their silk sheets. Not moving a muscle, I sobbed and sobbed. I was a royal mess. You may believe that I was overeggaerating but when placed in a position like that. Boyfriend with girlfriend then with mates. It's overwhelming.
They didn't need to know yet it was publically voiced. After what felt like hours there was a simple knock at the door. I wanted to croak a 'go away' but I couldn't trust my voice to formulate any logical words. Once again the knock repeated but it followed by an angelic voice.
"Alex, it's Bec, can I come in?" Slugishly I rose from my sprawlled position and I made my way to the door. Opening it, I managed to cover my face and thankfully she closed it behind me.
"Oh hunny," she said sympathetically, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. She didn't say anything, she just rubbed my back in a soothing manner and allowed me to let it all out.
"He knows he screwed up," she said as I was sniffling. "After he told me, I gave him a girls perspective and he groaned because he knew where he went wrong. But Alex, you can't blame the poor boy for trying. Be thankful he stuck around for your stubborn behaviour." She tried to make me laugh but all I did was crack a weak smile.
"I was just humilated. All his friends saw the garment, his brothers. And they made jokes. I don't want it to be a joke, it's my life Bec. I love him to death but-" she stopped me before I could complete my but excuse.
"You love him, we established that. You two will get over the bumps. I know you're embarrassed because that's how you are with this subject but he isn't. That's what makes you two great, you're opposites. Now I ask that you have an open mind and see it from his perspective," she paused.
"He's a guy, he doesn't know how to make it just like the movies because you made it pretty clear that's how you want your life to be. So he gave you a piece of him. He was being swave and sexy. He was being kind, wanting to make you feel special. It didn't help that you had packets of co-" I winced as she finished her sentence about them being on the bed.
"Just hear him out Alex, he's a good guy and he's trying to make it the best experience for you." Bec told me and I listened with open ears.
"I can get him for you?" She offered and I nodded, wiping my face with my sleeve. She hugged me tightly before leaving me and walking out. A figure immerged a minute later and his dark shadow stood in the doorway.
"Al," he said softly, almost unsure of himself.
"Luke," I said and I saw him wince in the dark. His hands were in his pockets and he began to walk towards me to where I saw sitting. He joined me on the bed and we sat in silence. Me, trying to convince him that my hands fumbling with the soft fabric was the most interesting thing in the world and him just looking at me, trying to find out if it's okay to begin.
"Teddy, I am so so so sorry," the guilt obviously dripping from his tone. I didn't say anything and I allowed him to continue. "I did not mean to embarrass you like that, that would be the last thing I ever want. I know I stuffed up, was a little too forward, I just thought you were thinking about it because of the things in your jumper."
It was my time to talk, "I have been thinking about it and I'm scared out of my mind. But I know you, I know you'll look after me and won't do anything unless I'm completely comfortable with it. But I want to be able to talk to you about it,"
"Exactly," he cut in. "We should be able to talk about these things. Al, I don't want to be that couple who is awkward about talking about certain topics. I'm sorry I was being selfish with the gift-" I interrupted.
"You weren't being selfish. Brooks, I promise to try my best and be more free with what I'm thinking. I promise to try harder so I don't make these situations or topics awkward. I want it to be like we are just talking about the news or the weather, maybe not that casually but yeah, you get the effect." I rambled and he smiled.
"So we're okay?" He asked wearily.
"We're okay." I nodded.
"So you've been thinking about it huh?" He teased and I threw an arm in his direction.
"Too soon?" He asked.
"Too soon." I agreed.
"You know I love you right?" I could never get used to this boy telling me he loved me. It always felt like it was the first time he was telling me.
"And Brooks I only love you for your body." I lied and he smirked.
"Oh really? I'm pretty sure you fell for my charm as well." I shook my head.
"Nope, just those incredibly refined abs. I mean, they're so toned and so lick-able just like icey poles. And you're tall so I can climb you like mount Everest." He laughed aloud and I blushed. It was honesty but complete verbal diarrhea. I mean did I just reference his body to ice poles and mount Everest?
"No, you're just short." He teased, ruffling my hair.
"As if, you're just big." I complained.
"You know what else is big?" He wiggled his eyebrows and I winced. "Get your head out of the gutter Miss Binks, I was just going to say bears. I mean they are big and fierce." He mocked and I fell back on the bed laughing.
Trust Brooks to make a once serious conversation to a completely hilarious one. And that's part of the reason that I love him.
The rest of the day consisted of watching movies, riding the skateboards and playing cards (Of course after I changed into something more suitable and not suffocating baggy clothes). I actually had a lot of fun with the boys. In the beginning I excused the awkward tension and they apologized for making jokes. With the card games we placed bets with oreos and timtams so it was a game I wanted to win. For lunch, we walked down to the fish and chip shop (this time, I wore pants) and we got a table. I'm not a big fish fan so I got a hamburger and we order a family sized hot chips.
I took a sip of my orange juice that brooks bought for me and I bit into a hot chip, seasoned with chicken salt. As the boys discusses the Essendon game, I took the time to admire the seagulls and the beach. Fair to say this could easily take a position in my top 5 places to be in Melbourne.
Number 5: Lygon Street (Basically a whole street with massive label shops and many fine restaurants.)
Number 4: The schools library (I loved the quiet place to escape, study and read.)
Number 3: Here (No explanation needed.)
Number 2: Luna Park (I've always enjoyed the vibe of the theme parks, the energy is something you can't get anywhere else. the acceleration from the rides was definitely a top favourite.)
Number 1: Brooks' arms [Cue the awww's] (Most definitely my favourite place to be. The feeling I receive when he holds me is a feeling I can get no where else.)
As I was a quarter way through my hamburger the boys had already finished theirs and began moving onto the chips. I didn't take much interest in their conversation because my eyes stubbled upon an elderly couple. Instantly I new: I wanted that. I could see myself growing old with the one I love and at that very moment, I replaced the frail old lady's head with mine and her husbands with Brooks.
I don't want to sound creepy but I was content with that image.
When all the food was gone -not with the help of my mouth- we walked back, stopping at the boys houses along the way to drop them off. In the end it was just Brooks and I, strolling Glenroy's streets. I was listening to his hum and I think he was listening to the birds chirping. Either way, we were walking in the middle of the road, holding hands and it was kind of great.
As night strolled in I voted that we watched a romantic comedy. We sat happily, eating chinese food and watched 'Juno'. I wasn't really watching the movie. I was more focused on the way Brook's jaw moved when he chewed on his meal. His jaw line was so prominent and I wanted to kiss it. A strange feeling enveloped my stomach half way through the movie. Something I'd never felt before.
I added my equations: Dark + Brooks + empty house.
At that moment I didn't care about watching the movie. I just felt like kissing my boyfriend. I mean, it's not like I've never felt the urge to just kiss him when his complexion was simply perfect, no this was different. It felt like I had a burning desire to kiss him.
I waited impatiently for him to place his bowl on the coffee table before us. His eyes glued to the screen, my eyes glued to his lips. Suddenly I felt my body itching closer to him. He turned his head and looked at me skeptically before smirking.
"Is there something on my face?" He asked, rubbing his lips with his finger making it the vector.
"Yeah, me." I said before leaning in, cupping his jaw and kissing him.
He sat paralyzed at my sudden movements but make no objections and he kissed me back. I allowed him to set the pace but he was going slow and steady. That's not was I wanted. I moved my body so now I was leaning down on him. I kissed him in a manner that could be described as hungry. He responded immediately.
He paused, pulled out and stood up. Offering his hand which I took with out hesitation, he picked me up and I swung my legs around his waist. One hand on my thigh and the other on my back he began to advance towards the stairs. I kissed his neck so I wasn't in his way so he could see his path for the way up. An inhumane noise rolled from the back of his throat that made the pit of my stomach burn.
Gently, he opened the door to my bedroom and settled me on the bed. I squirmed and he hovered over me and he chuckled. I tugged on the fabric of his shirt and he lowered himself. I found us kissing all over again.
"I love you, Brooks." I whispered as we took a breath.
He smirked, "I love you too Al." He told me and I smiled.
A feeling of certainty consumed me as sudden realization kicked in. I wanted Brooks to be my first because I wanted my first to be with someone I loved. Not that I'm gonna let my second be with someone I didn't love or anything. I felt special because Brooks loved me.
It was then that I knew that I was ready.
"I've been with girls before but now I know that none of them, no one could ever compare. Alex, you are my kryptonite."
Afterwards in my pain, he brought me to the shower and helped me clean up.
He made me feel like a princess. And for all you fifty shades of grey fans I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not one to kiss and tell, ok maybe a little.