I stared at him briefly.
'Did he just say what I thought he said?'
He looked at me with his big blue eyes. I stared into them with confusion. I could feel my pulse beating like a drum inside my chest. The hairs on my arms stood up straight and revealed themselves as goosebumps. Luke gulped hard, I was taking too long to respond.
"Well?" he smiled insecurely. I was still stunned by his question. "Ha, Anna say something." he laughed. But this situation was in no way humerus. I slowly shook my head head and watched as Luke's face fell into a frown.
"No," I continued to shake my head. "No!" I repeated, this time shouting. "Luke you cant keep playing with my feeling like that I'm not a toy, you may see me as one, but I'm not. I'm a person and I'm fragile and broken, and I don't want to be played with any more!" the tears poured out of me.
Luke grabbed both of my arms. "I'm not playing with you Anna I really like you, I want to call you mine, and I want you to call me yours." I shook myself out of his grasp.
"Luke please, I don't want a broken heart..."
"I will never break your heart, ill treat you right."
"You break my heart every day! Since I met you all you've done is misguided me into liking you and thinking you're the perfect guy, falling for your love tricks and smooth talk. Craving your body every time I see you and believing that you may actually like me back . And then you ruin it! You show your true colours and you make me feel worthless and prove to me that there are no feelings, there's nothing there, you don't like me you only like my body..."
"That's not true! I do have feelings for you, loads of them and I want to show you..."
"And then when your at risk of losing my body that you just loved fuck around with, and not just in the bedroom, you say you have feelings? Well if its anything other than a boner then I'm shocked! There is no way, that these past few days of being treated like shit have been hiding 'feelings'. You're telling me that behind the selfish, ungrateful, lazy, prick that there is actually a guy who cares? I'll believe that when I see pigs fly! Luke I don't want anything to do with you any more, I'm leaving, I'm going home. I don't want you to build up my expectations and then knock them down again. You're too complicated. And I know no matter what I do, I can never fully satisfy you, you'll always want more, or better, or different. If I agree I know you'll only leave me for someone prettier, or with bigger boobs. Or someone who doesn't get emotional like I do." I scrunched my hands into my hair. I wanted to scream, so loud that my mum would hear me from back home.
Luke had listened very carefully to every word I said. I could see the tear forming in the bud of his eye, but he held it back, he covered it up like it meant nothing. But really, I would have given anything to see that tear fall. It would prove me wrong and that was all I wanted him to do. Deep down I wanted him to show me that he does truly like me. But he was so self righteous and full of pride, he would never show me his weakness.
Luke rubbed his chin and stared at the bedside table. "I know I seem like, I don't care and I just play about. Truth is I'm not like that. I had never been really good with relationships, I had been walked over by many girls and I wanted to be the dominant one for once, you know? I wanted to be in charge and I guess I done it the wrong way. Basically I didn't want you to say no, I had to get you to be mine and I was afraid in case you rejected me. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen when I first saw you enter the kitchen, you have no idea how nervous I was just to say hi. But I grew confidence and and took the opportunity to make you sleep with me. At first I figured it would only last until you leave, but then I got to know you and I really like you, like...really, really like you. I've messed this up and I don't blame you for hating me. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did and I shouldn't have taken advantage of you when you were drunk and I definitely should have never threatened you with your dad. I'm sorry, that's all I can say I'm sorry for being such an ass! But please Anna I don't want you to leave." He looked at me with his sad eyes, there it was the tear just floating along the bottom of his eyelid. "Where's the rules?" he asked.
Without saying a word I slid my hand under the mattress and pulled out the folded, lined paper that trapped me for the past week. He took it from my hand and ripped it up, the little flakes of paper twirled down to the floor like feathers.
"I cant stop you from going, you do whatever you want." he stood up and left. I stayed where I was. It wasn't until he closed the door behind him that the tears started running down my cheeks again. I buried my face into my pillow.
'What do I do?'
This feeling was too much. It made my stomach churn. I couldn't decide if I hated Luke or loved him. Was it love? Or was it lust? I hadn't a clue.