“So are you guys broken up?” Ryan from school asked me.
“No. We are just not talking right now.” I answered him. He brought his homework over to do. He asked for help but I wasn’t willing to give it.
“What happened?” He asked. I had already told him this over the phone when he called me to see if I was back.
“I wouldn’t have sex with him.” Ryan was actually gay, he just came out to all of us but we still all knew it.
“Oh yeah you told me on the phone.” He said and I nodded. “You’re room is awesome.” He said. The walls were violet because my brothers think they are funny.
“My brothers hired some ladies to to do it. They create the painting on the walls and got some posters. I brought everything else but the bed and some other things.” I loved living here. The apartment was big and everyone around us was so nice. They would always bring us dinner or lunch depending on if we were home or not.
“That’s cool of them.” He said.
“Wanna see the rest of the house?” I asked him. I showed him my bathroom. I then showed him Beau’s bathroom and bedroom along with Jai and Luke’s bedroom. “The boys all share a bathroom.” I commented to him. We were stopped in the game room where my brothers had a huge cabinet filled with Xboxes and playstations and any other game console you could think of.
“They literally have money coming out of their asses.” He said.
“They’re famous remember?” He sometimes forgot that. He looked at us like normal people not the group of kids who were about to travel the world on tour.
“Yeah. I remember. You guys are going on tour soon right?” He asked. The boys were in the middle of writing a new song, ‘Real girls eat cake.’ They shared some of the lyrics with me and I helped make it sound better.
“Yeah. So I won’t be here for a few months.” I answered.
“So you won’t be at school either.” He said. It was more of a statement than a question.
“I dropped out. My brothers didn’t think it was good for me to stay there.” I said.
“Where are they?” He asked me looking around and noticed we were alone.
“Filming a new video for youtube. Daniel was going to be there so I didn’t go.” I shrugged.
“You should talk to him.” I hadn’t talk to him in a few days. I had a doctors appointment next week to get on birth control, with Beau’s permission of course.
“Yeah I know. They usually come back here after they shoot and edit it on Beau’s laptop.” I said and just in time they all came through the front door.
“Hey! What is he doing here without us being here?” Luke asked.
“He came to do homework which is stupid because I don’t wanna help him.”
“You know you aren’t allowed to be alone with a boy in the house.” Daniel was standing right behind them listening to everything they were saying.
“Okay first off, I’m not with him. Second, he’s gay.” I said throwing my hands up.
“I should go. See you later Violet.” He said waving before heading out the door. They all went their own ways but Daniel.
“I think we should talk.” He said to me. I nodded my head before we headed down the hall to my room. “So like…” He trailed off looking at me.
“I’m going on birth control next week.” I blurted out. He just looked at me.
“Look, I talk to my mom and I understand if you aren’t ready to do things that I am. I’m almost four years older than you. Violet, if you don’t want to do something. We don’t have to.” He said.
“I know. I would break up with you if I didn’t want it. But Daniel, I want it so bad I’m just afraid.”
“I’m always here for you.”
“But for how long?” I asked looking down.
“Until you don’t want me anymore and even then I will still do everything in my power to make it better.” He grabbed my hand and I looked up at him.
“So where do we stand?” I asked him.
“You’re mine.” Was all he said and I smiled.
“I think we just needed a break from each other after being together for that long. most couples don’t do stuff like that.”
“Yeah. I know.” He said as we both laid down. “Are you really going on it?” He asked.
“Yeah. Beau said it was a good idea.” I answered him while turning the T.V on.
“Okay. Can I come?” He asked.
“Uh, sure.” I said. Because my mom is dead and my dad isn’t around clearly my brothers are my guardian so what they say goes and it if they want me to be on birth control then I will be.
“Who else knows?” He asked me.
“Just Beau.” I answered him. I wasn’t sure if I should tell anyone else because they would assume we are having sex and we aren’t.
“What do you think people are going to say when they find out?” He asked.
“I won’t be getting pregnant it doesn’t matter what they say.” I answered him. Why would someone even bother to question why I was on it? I was on it so I didn’t end up a teen mom like Hayden because she seems to be having some trouble with it. “I’m going on it so we don’t end up like Hayden and Luke because they are freaking out!” I shouted.
“Do you think we will get married?” He asked.
“I mean we are either going to break up or get married. Both scare the shit out of me.”
“It scares me too.” He said looking down.”But I’m also a lot older than you so these type of things don’t seem that far away for me. We could married today and I don’t think it would make a big difference to me but for you, the entire world would change and I’m not willing to put you through that.” He said to me.
“I want my wedding day to be perfect and if its with you then it will be even more perfect.” I smiled at him.
“I hope it is everything you’ve ever wanted.”
We were out crib shopping today. It seemed like we did a lot of that lately. She was four months along now. Right in the middle of her fourth month actually. This was going a lot faster than I thought it was going to go. You could see her small bump under her shirt.
“So when I finish my last year of school are you going to watch the baby for me?” She asked me.
“I mean, I’ll try but we are going to be traveling a lot. I’m sure Violet will help you whenever you need it. I will do my best to be there when you need it.” I said running my hands over the bump.
“I’m huge.” She said pouting.
“You’re pregnant not huge.” I answered her. “You wanted a white crib right?” I asked. Or did I want that?
“No. I wanted dark color because it goes with a boy and a girl.” She answered as we looked around. We were storing things in the extra bedrooms at our house’s.
“So where are we going to live when the baby comes?” I asked.
“We don’t have to live together. I would like you to see the baby often though.” She said and I nodded. My brothers already told me that they didn’t want her to live with us because it would be unfair to them to keep them up all night with a crying baby. Beau also said that when a baby is sick they don’t sleep and could be up all night. “Babe? What are you thinking about?” She asked me.
“I’m just so scared.” I whispered.
“I know. I am too.” She said coming closer to me and hugging me. “I didn’t want it to happen like this.” She said.
“Neither did I.” I commented. I was scared to death that I was going to fuck up and everyone would think I was a horrible father. I was trying my hardest to change even before the baby came but I don’t think I was doing as well as I wanted to. “What if I fuck up?” I asked. She was already a mother. A mother becomes a mother when she finds out she’s pregnant. But a father becomes a father the day the baby is born.
“I’m not going to let you go down like that. I will help you. We aren’t going to be perfect parents but nobody is, Luke. We have to help each other when the other needs it.” I knew she was right.
“I just wish I could be perfect for her.” I said.
“You will be the best you can.” She said running a hand up and down my arm. I looked over her head from her being so short and saw a pink bear sitting on a shelf.
“Wait.” I said walking over to it. “Give this to my baby when I’m not around.” She smiled down at it.
“You better hope its a girl.”