It wasn’t even like I was living anymore. I was just surviving. I was the annoying little sister and younger girlfriend that followed them everywhere. It seemed I cried myself to sleep alone most nights now as the boys were out at parties or shopping or doing a show or something else. I was alone in this and it scared me to death. Even Daniel wasn’t talking to me anymore and I knew I should just go home.
“What are you doing?” Beau asked me coming into the hotel room where I was packing my bag.
“Packing.” I whispered to him as I placed more clothing into the bag.
“Why?” He asked crossing his arms.
“I’m not wanted here so I’m going home.” The pain that was heavy on my heart was drowning me. I literally felt like I was drowning and no one was helping me. I was falling apart and no one cared so I needed to get out of here. “Daniel doesn’t want me anymore. You guys obviously don’t want me here so I’ll go home.” I answered trying to hold back my tears but the lump in my throat was getting larger. Daniel had officially broken it off a few days ago but the boys didn’t know. He said I was too messed up to deal with. Of course we still had to share a bed though because the boys didn’t know.
“Violet, we need to talk.” He had said to me once Beau was in the shower. I sat down on the bed in front of him before he grabbed my hands in his and he looked at me. “I think it’s time to break it off.” I nodded my head. I should have seen it coming. I didn’t want it to end but I knew it had to because that was what he wanted. “It’s just, you’re too messed up for me to handle.” I again just nodded my head before standing up. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“It’s okay. I know what we are- and I know what we aren’t.” I said before leaving the room and going down to the pool to think. No one else was here so it was a perfect place to think but I was drowning in my own tears and I wasn’t exactly sure how to piece myself back together.
So here I sat wondering what I was going to with my life after the love of my life left me and my brother’s didn’t want me. Because what do you do when your whole world and life turn on you and want nothing to do with you? I could stay at my own house. I could drive and I knew how to cook and the boys had money stashed all around the house that I could use to buy food. I think I would fine.
Violet’s head was just so messed up right now and it was driving me insane. I couldn’t do anything to help her and I wasn’t going to chose her over my best friend so I left her. I could see the pain in her eyes whenever we all sat down for a meal together. That was the only thing she did with us though. She never went to the beach or out shopping. We even offered to take her to the movies a few times and she said no every time.
“She’s going home.” Beau commented to all of us while we were just chilling on the beds waiting to head over to a show.
“What?” I asked looking up at him.
“Violet is going home.” He repeated himself. I nodded my head. I wasn’t sure they knew we broke up.
“Cool.” I answered and they all looked at me and I just shrugged. I took everything from her but she was just too crazy for me to deal with so maybe going home would be a good thing for her.
*VIOLET P.O.V FEW DAYS LATER*
I didn’t even hug any of them goodbye as I got on the plane to head back home. A cab would be picking me up there and driving me home. I was told to call or text them every morning so they knew I was alive but I probably wasn’t going to. I never actually thought I would be heading home right now. I never thought the longest relationship I have ever had would end like this either. But some things just don’t work out.
*FEW HOURS LATER VIOLET IS HOME*
Coming home to an empty house was horrible. There was a hole in my heart where they all should be but I don’t think they really deserved it anymore. As soon as I got home I tore apart my room throwing away anything that was Daniels that I had kept. Every note he wrote me when we were younger. Every present or stuffed animal he ever gave me. The shirts he left here and said I could sleep in them. Every picture of us I cut up and threw away. For the rest of my life he will be known as the first boy who ever broke my heart. How was I suppose to trust someone again after her hurt me like that?
I didn’t actually think she would leave but watching her get on that plane was a relief. I didn’t have to worry about watching her sad face as we did something that she needed to come to because Beau wouldn’t let her stay alone. I wouldn’t have to worry about hearing her crying at night anymore. I didn’t have to deal with awkward moments when she was around. I could finally relax and say what I wanted without her freaking out about it.
“Thank god. Now we can actually have fun.” Luke said rolling his eyes. He was obviously very annoyed with her like I was. I’m sure Beau was freaking out about it but I’m sure she would be fine. She would probably hang out with Hayden and everything would be good. Sure I still wanted to be with her but some things are just not meant to be anymore. I knew I carried everything she had with me and there was no way of giving it back and I felt the most guilty about that and telling her I loved her so many times but knowing I would be breaking up with her soon.
“Yeah.” I agreed with him. As soon as she was out of sight we left. She didn’t even hug any of us goodbye. We really fucked it up this time. I’m sure she would never forgive any of us especially me but I couldn’t really change it now and I didn’t really want to. Maybe if she had controlled herself a little more I would be able to put up with her more but it had just gone too far and I knew it was time to break it off.
I couldn’t even sleep on the bed that night. I just sat up against the wall staring at the bed remembering everything we did on the bed. The late night talks in person and on the phone. The cuddling. We had sex on the bed before we left for tour. I would never look at that bed the same. I was most likely going to be getting new sheets and a new comforter because I wouldn’t be able to function with that still on my bed. The tears were non stop as I was trying to figure out why he didn’t want me anymore. What I had done that he had left me and I couldn’t think of anything. I wish someone would tell me because I had no clue and I wasn’t sure as to where I went wrong. I gave him everything I had. He took everything from me but I should have seen the break up coming. He would talk to me less and he wouldn’t want to cuddle with me anymore and he would always push me away. It was like I was losing myself all over again but I was losing him and this time, I wasn’t sure on how to handle it.
It had gotten to the point where I had to physically hold myself together because if I didn’t, I would lose my mind.
The house was too quiet for my liking but it was nice. It was like I had my own apartment and it was like I was an only child who had a few extra rooms around for people to come and stay with me. The doorbell rang then and I wasn’t sure why. It was rather late and normally no one would visit at this time. When I opened the door it was Auntie Jen.
“Beau texted me saying you came home.” She said as I let her in. I just nodded my head before we sat on the couch and I never made eye contact with her. “What happened?” She asked me and I just shook my head because if I spoke, I would cry and I wouldn’t be able to stop. “It’s Daniel isn’t it? He broke up with you.” She stated and I nodded my head and burst into tears and flung myself at her.
“I gave him everything.” I cried into her and she just rocked me back and forth and when I looked up at her she was crying too and I didn’t feel so alone but I still didn’t understand why he had left me. “He said I was too messed up to be with anymore. I don’t know what I did.” I said through sobs. I wasn’t even sure how I was talking right now because there were so many sobs coming from my mouth. But I loved that boy with my life and now I have to figure out how to live it without him.
I don’t remember falling asleep but I do remember waking up crying in the middle of the night. I knew I should get over him and being away from him was going to help but this was something I was going to have to take a while to get over and I don’t think I was strong enough to do it. Fresh tears poured down my face as I tried to calm myself down but it wasn’t working. It was morning now so I took a shower and got dressed before heading out to buy the new sheets and bedspread. I was just hoping I didn’t see anyone I knew.
“Violet? What are you doing home?” Hayden asked as she saw my picking out the sheets and I sighed. I didn’t want to explain it again but I figured I had to.
“Daniel broke up with me and my brother’s hate me. So I came home so they didn’t have to deal with me.” I answered trying my best to smile even though I felt like I was crying an ocean.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Want to spend the night with me?” She asked and I shook my head no.
“I need some time alone.” I answered as I picked out what I wanted and went to pay. Maybe I would also switch me and Beau’s mattress so I would have a brand new one that me and Daniel had never slept on. Maybe I would go and work at the bookstore down the street where I could spend every minute of everyday just reading books and meeting new people. Maybe I would save up enough money and buy myself an apartment and move away from my brother’s. But that was all a long ways away and right now I needed to worry about getting myself back together for I make any plans about the future because the future I had planned before crashed and burned. But the thing that killed me the most was that I thought about him non stop and he probably didn’t think about me once and that is what can kill a person. That I wasted almost a year on him for him to not even give a shit about me. I hope he knows he’s the reason I’m ‘so messed up.’
*I actually cried writing this. It was very hard to write just because some of what went on actually happened to me so I saw this on a very personal level. I am also sorry he changes p.o.v so often I just thought it sounded better that way, to see both of their points throughout the whole thing.*