I tied my hair up in a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring the outfit I was wearing. It was simple, red shorts and a white long sleeved shirt. I was going to go and film a video for the boys today. I wasn’t going to be on camera, so I didn’t need to look amazing.
I’ve only had a week of classes and I’m already thinking it was a mistake. I don’t think I’m cut out for this at all. I had already texted mom telling her I wanted to come home, but she told me to stick at it. But I can’t. I’m struggling with the workload already, and the course I’m taking just isn’t for me. It never was for me. It was for him and right now I’m just not ready to do it for him.
Because James wouldn’t tell me about who he was, I asked Luke. I just had a feeling he would tell me the whole story. And believe me, he really did. It turns out they’re part of a YouTube channel called Janoskians. They’ve been popular for a while now, apparently, although I haven’t ever heard of them. They post videos of themselves doing stupid things, and awkward situations. The awkward train situations was my favourite videos. Once Luke had explained to me it made a whole sense as to why that picture of James and I had been retweeted so much in just a few seconds.
I had offered to record their new video. They wanted to do the ALS ice bucket challenge today. I pointed the camera, making sure all five of them were in screen. As they poured the buckets on their heads, they all screamed. I laughed quietly, I didn’t know how cold the water was, but it looked freezing. And then they had a load of water dumped on them from the back of a truck. After I had finished recording Daniel came over to me and gave me a hug, which soaked my shirt through. As I was wearing white, they could see through my shirt and see my bra underneath. I blushed a little and Beau offered me one of his t-shirts.
“Actually, do you have a long sleeved I can wear?” I typed in my phone. By the time Beau had heard it he looked confused and nodded.
“How come you always wear long sleeved shirts all the time?” He asked me. I just shrugged, as if I just didn’t know. I followed him upstairs into his room, where he rummaged through his drawers. He pulled out a jumper “This is all I have” He told me. I nodded and took it. “Won’t you get hot though?” He raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head. Yes, I would, but I would rather be feeling hot over anyone seeing my wrists.
Once we were all changed Beau and I had arranged to go for a walk together, just the two of us. We walked side by side, every now and again our arms would brush together. We shared a few smiles back and forth. I got my phone out to text Beau, I couldn’t be bothered with the phone talking.
‘I’m thinking about quitting college…’ Beau’s eyes widened as he read the text.
“Are you sure?” He asked me, he was staring, concentrating on my face. I nodded and sent another text.
‘It’s not what I thought it would be’ I sighed. I didn’t know what I was going to do instead of going to college and my parents were going to kill me.
“Are you going to move back home?” He asked me, he frowned a little. We had only just met and I was already going to leave. I wanted to get to know the guys more, but I just couldn’t. I was feeling things for Beau that I just didn’t want to experience. I nodded my head at Beau, I had made the decision to move back home.
Home was where I needed to be. With him. Where I couldn’t get feelings for Beau, or even any of the other guys. As we walked I noticed the frown that was on Beau’s face. I sighed quietly and wished that things could be easier.
Beau walked me back to my dorm, and I realized I was still wearing his jumper. I pulled Beau into my room, before he could walk away. I quickly ran into the bathroom and changed into a new shirt. After coming out, I handed Beau his jumper back. As he took hold of it, the sleeve of my shirt lifted slightly and I caught Beau looking at my wrist. I quickly pulled the sleeve back down and turned around so I couldn’t see his face. I knew he would be disgusted by what he saw.
He grabbed hold of my wrist, carefully I noticed and pulled me back to face him. His eyes were full of sadness and concern. There wasn’t any trace of disgust on his face.
“What’s happening?” He almost yelled at me. “Why did you do this?” He let got of my wrist and shook his head. I pulled my phone out and typed faster than I have ever typed.
“I haven’t for almost 2 months” I defended myself. His mouth fell open a little.
“Is that supposed to make it better? That you haven’t for 2 months? What would even cause you to do this?” He was shouting questions at me now, and I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I pushed him towards the door and locked it behind him. I slide down against the door and started crying hysterically. I grabbed my phone and sent one text.
‘I’m catching a plane home tonight. I don’t want to be here anymore’