Waking up fully rested for once was a strange feeling. I struggled to get out of bed though. My bed was barely big enough for one, let alone four. I giggled a little trying to move Beau off from on top of me. The guys had decided that I needed a cuddle, and so they all freaking cuddled me whilst I went to sleep. Seems like they all fell asleep too. Jai was cuddled up at my side, Beau had his face resting on my stomach, and Luke, well Luke was laying on top of both Jai and Beau, his head resting on my chest. I really needed to get up and use the bathroom, but with these three it just seemed impossible. I kicked Beau, making him fall off the bed and startle awake. I giggled at his confused state. Next was Luke, I pushed him more towards Jai and shifted my way out of the bed. Luke and Jai somehow managed to stay sleeping. I left Beau to get himself off from the floor and ran to the bathroom. Luckily no one was there so I did my business and headed back to my room.
All three were awake now. I picked my phone up typing as usual.
“Want to go to the zoo today?” They nodded at me like little kids I kicked the three of them out of my room so I could get dressed. For the first time in three months I had chosen to wear a dress with short sleeves. It showed off my scars, but I was done with that part of me. I had chosen to stop when I stopped talking, and I was going to make sure that I wasn’t going to start again. Ever.
Each of the guys took it in turns to use the bathroom. Jai was first, as Luke spoke on the phone with James. Beau sat on my bed staring at my room. I still had pictures of Jase and me up. You could see how we aged in the four years we were together. Beau’s eyes stopped on one picture in particular. I followed his gaze and saw the picture. It actually made me smile, the memory was one of my favourite. Jase and me at prom. We’d actually been voted prom king and queen. That night was special to me, even though it wasn’t the night I lost my virginity. I had lost that long before senior year. The reason it was so special to me, was because it was the last night I spent with him. It was the last night I was ever going to hear his voice, smell his scent, touch his face.
I looked up from the picture and caught Beau’s gaze. He didn’t need to say anything, we sort of just smiled at each other. And in that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. Beau had made me realise that my life wasn’t over, it never ended when Jase’s did. In fact, it gave me a reason to live. I had to do for Jase. And no, I wasn’t ready to go back to college for him yet, but one day I will. And when that day comes I’ll be sure to make Jase proud.
It seemed like forever before all three guys were dressed and ready to go. Lauren was busy with mom, planning something to do with the baby I think. So I invited Tyler to come to the zoo. He reluctantly agreed, to be honestly I don’t think he feels all that comfortable around me. I didn’t blame him though, the way I treated him after Jase passed away, well let’s just say it wasn’t the nicest.
I’ve apologised to him many times but I knew it would be a while for him to be okay around me. However, he did learn sign language for me. I’m glad that Lauren’s with him, he’s a good guy. I think the only reason Tyler agreed to come was because of the guys. They seemed to hit it right off. Especially with Luke. I can see a great friendship starting between those two in the future.
Tyler drove the five of us to the zoo and I paid for everyone to get in. Beau wasn’t very happy and kept telling me over and over that he was going to pay me back. I told them it was on me, and that I didn’t want any money in return but he didn’t leave it at that. Finally he got me to agree to him buying me lunch.
“Where too first?” I signed to Tyler who just shrugged at me. Luke looked at the leaflet, I watched him as he flicked through it.
“Can we see the penguins first?” he asked excitedly. Seems like this boy loves penguins. We all decided that we would go see the penguins. I walked next to Jai and taught him some more sign language as he asked me. He mainly asked me how to sign swear words, which I did. He was going to be using them on his brothers, I could just tell.
As we reached the penguins Luke started taking pictures on his camera. I was enjoying be at the zoo, it had been a while since I had been. When Tyler asked where next? I signed ‘flamingos?’ he nodded, to me. The flamingos were my favourite, why I didn’t know. Just ever since I was a kid, they have been. I was stood watching the flamingos for what felt like hours. When I looked up to ask where next. I noticed that everyone was gone. Well, almost everyone. Beau was leaning against the railing next to me paying his attention into his phone. I tapped his shoulder to get his attention and then used my phone to ask where everyone else was. He shrugged at me, he didn’t know either.
I thanked Beau, he didn’t understand what for so I had to explain to him. I was thanking him for what he said yesterday. I realised it was true, and it made me see things differently. I wasn’t sure how differently, but it was different. We stood facing each other for a while, neither saying anything. The silence was nice, well the silence between us anyway. We could hear the loud chatter of everyone else around. I looked into Beau’s eyes and almost fell. I noticed him staring at my lips and that’s when I leaned in to kiss him.
It took him by surprise, he didn’t kiss me back, and I thought I had done something wrong. He pulled back from me and I blushed deeply, hiding my face in my hair.
“Paisley. It’s not that I don’t want to. You’re not ready, I understand that. It’s too soon” I walked away from Beau embarrassed. I was determined to find the guys. Beau followed me closely, not wanting to get lost. It wasn’t long before I found the others. The rest of the time at the zoo I stayed quiet. I didn’t sign, or use my phone. The only time I did get my phone out was when I wanted to take a picture. I stayed my best away from Beau, completely embarrassed by that way I had acted towards him.