3. And the Bullying Begins...
In the spring of this year, my Grandfather passed away. It was a tough thing to fight. I am one who will never cry. If I do, it is very short and I stop, never again to cry again about that subject. This time though, I fell into a deep hole of depression. One girl, who will remain nameless, started to make fun of me during the beginning stages of falling into this hole. I started to dive deeper into my depression. She then ended up in two of my classes by the last quarter of the year. She made it seem like I couldn't do anything right, even breathe! My grandmother died exactly eight weeks apart from my Grandfather. I went straight to the deep end of my depression. The girl would force the insults right down my throat. I didn't have the guts to tell anyone.
Once summer rolled around, I was at the campground I usually stay at over the summer. I found out the way of lightly scraping my hand while shaving. I would do once in a while, but not all the time. It felt weird, the flaps of cut skin when ran across with a finger.
When our friend of the family died over the summer, I broke my head open in the pool of depression. I got to school and it was even worse with all of the drama. I then got to the point where every time I was in the shower, I would use my razor while I was shaving and my a light cut on my left arm (noting I am right-handed). I wouldn't make it bleed, for my parent would find out. I then got to the point where every time I was put down even the slightest (ex. parents yelling, being lied to, etc.) I would count the events and make a cut for each one on each arm.
Only three times have a cut deeper to where they bleed. I feel embarrassed to say that this happened recently where two of my cuts still are showing. I wear long sleeves to cover them from my parents. I never thought that I would tell anyone, let alone the internet.
I just want to let everyone know that I am NOT saying I do this for attention, this is the truth. I never thought that I would say any of my depression to anyone. I am also not trying to say that cutting is an okay way to fix depression. It is NOT a way AT ALL!!!! I suggest that you should talk to someone.
Sorry to bother you with my life story....