I could see flashing lights and hear voices. I felt like I was looking down at myself being taken from my house in a stretcher, and I could see my sister, Audrey following close behind. Her entire body shaking. She got in the back of the ambulance with my body and I had followed.
"Callie why would you do this to yourself?"
She held onto my hand and I had to turn away because I couldn't even bear to look at her face.
"It was an accident Aud. This wasn't supposed to happen." I tell her.
I was hooked up to a heart monitor just in case I flat lined again. When we got to the hospital I was rushed in and Audrey pushed away to wait on any news. I had doctors around all sides of my body checking various things like heart rate and blood pressure. When they finally go out to talk to Audrey I am one step behind them. I can't bear to see what other things they stick in my body. The thought of the needles in my arm make me shiver. When Dr. Lewis calls my sister over she is kind of hesitant afraid of what he has to say.
"Are you Audrey Reynolds?" He asks.
"Are your parents here?"
She shakes her head.
"I need to talk to someone over 18." He says.
She replies, "I'm almost 21, sir."
He motions for her to follow with his hand and she does. They walk down a long, brightly lit hallway. I hate hospitals they smell like flower scented spray trying to cover the scent of death, sickness, and depression. They always remind me of the night my daddy died.
"Your sister," Dr. Lewis starts, "appears to have attempted suicide. She is so lucky you found her when you did. Her heart stopped and she was brought back by our paramedics. She was dead for approximately 11 minutes 8 seconds. We're going to keep her in an induced coma until we know there is no brain damage. We need to run some more tests because the oxygen was cut off from her brain for so long. I know this is a lot to take in at once, but just know we are doing everything we can."
Audrey wraps her arms around him and starts crying. He smiles and hugs her back.
"Thank you so much!" She sobs.
"You're very welcome, dear." He replies.
Audrey continues to sit and cry in the waiting room. My mother shows up a couple hours later. She looks furious. Audrey stands up and walks to hug her, but my mother just stands there and says nothing for a short time.
"What happened?" She yell whispers at my sister.
"Mom, Callie tried to kill herself." Audrey replies.
My mom starts laughing. She laughs until her face is red.
"You're kidding right? That's ridiculous Audrey. Your lying right? Tell me it's a fucking joke."
"Why would I joke about something like that mother!" Audrey snaps.
My mother collapses in the chair next to my sister. She had tears in her eyes.
"Why would she do something like this?"
"Are you seriously asking, mom? Why would anyone want to live with no friends, and a mother that doesn't give a shit about about anything but herself. I think that you blame us for dad getting sick. I think your pissed at us for reminding you of him...I kind of see why she did it now."
I have never heard my sister talk to my mother like this. Ever. I can't handle the arguing.
"It was an accident!" I yell.
I know they can't hear me but it's worth trying. I finally give up. I turn and wander down the halls. I'm not sure what to do anymore.