Years into living with my foster dad brings us to now! I do exercise regularly, but at the same time, I do eat a meal a person my age does, so I am perfectly healthy physically. I exercise not to lose weight, but because the endorphines exercise releases in my body makes me forget about my depressing thoughts and the feeling of constantly being crushed by walls.
I don't want to ever go back there, back to the time when I was anorexic. It's not worth it. Everything eventually becomes harder to do. Looking at food made me gag, and almost throw up. the intoxicating smell was bad enough, but the sight of it made it worse. And having to hide your skinniness was the hardest thing to do for me in all of this.
I have to wear uniforms in my school, and that made it all the more harder. I had to always wear a jumper, even if it was 42 degrees Celcius (107.6 degrees Farenheit), otherwise people would immediately notice. And I didn't want to be hurt more.
I hated having anorexia, but at the same time, I loved it. The feeling was something hard to beat. The feeling of being in control of something in your life, the feeling of a tight stomach, the feeling of emptiness. I was extremely hard to throw away, but now I know it's all worth it.
The process to healing may be hard, and it may be long, but it's all worth it. Anorexia is here to stay in my thoughts, and it has made a huge impact on my life, but I have to just learn to ignore the voices, begging me to go back to being 15 kilograms.
It's here to stay, but I'm allowing it. I know nothing an get rid of it for me, it's been with me for too long.
If you ever have any adversities to come over, allow this story to be your inspiration If I made it out of a 7-9 year cycle, you definitely can make it out of yours too! It doesn't matter how long you've had it, you just need to have the right people in your circles, and be ready with a strong and accepting mind, because you'll need it!
It doesn't matter how big or small your adversity may be, nothing is impossible. You can do it, we all believe in you!