Process To Healing

I published this poem (I Knew A Girl Once) on many websites, just letting you know!

This is about overcoming anorexia, and the setting is different than usual. Poem first, story second. I hope you understand! Thanks xx


2. The Beginnings of a Lifetime Cycle

It started in 4th grade, with the constant bullying and abuse from both my parents and the students in school. There were many other factors, such as models from TV and magazines, the constant ads about weight loss, the show Biggest Loser etc. However, it mainly stemmed from my parents and students at my school.

Back then, the topic of bullying wasn't as much in the limelight as it is now. So to be frank, the teachers didn't really take much notice of what was going on. The bullies came one by one, never in a huge group, and did what 8-9 year old children did to hurt others. 

"You're so fat! Stop eating JUNK food!"

"Do you want to be a model on TV? Well, you can't because look at yourself in the mirror! Eew too fat!"

And the bystanders just stood there laughing. 

Eventually, 6th grade rolled around, and the physical bullying came into play. They didn't hurt me too much, just the odd trips by feet and tied shoelaces, and the punching. What hurt the most were the words and sentences they said whilst kicking, hitting and tripping me. 

My parents however, were what made me stop eating, little by little. They abused me, in all ways humanly possible. Eventually, still in 6th grade, they thought I was too fat. So they started to give me smaller and smaller portions of food at each meal everyday.

Everyday, I began to get more and more hungry, but didn't dare steal any food. So I stayed hungry, until finally, my stomach grew into a tight ball. I became used to the feeling of hunger, and an empty stomach. I grew to love the feeling, the feeling of finally overcoming the faze of eating.

And yes, my parents, after one month, stopped feeding me altogether. And I stopped wanting to eat. So I grew skinnier and skinnier, and when 7th grade came, I weighed a tiny 27 kilograms.

I still got bullied in my local high school by the people who bullied me when I was in primary. I got bullied for still being so fat, and for not talking. I grew mute by choice. There was nothing left for me to say. I couldn't defend myself anymore, my 'reputation' was already made.

The mute, fat girl. 

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