I hate life, and everything in it.
Most people already know that,
But for those who didn't, there you go.
It's no big secret, that I have anorexia.
Even I admit to it, which is very unexpected.
From a person who has it, I know.
But I do, and I am fighting it.
And I am still going strong.
I have the name of survivor.
I'll tell you a story, and we'll see,
What you think of it. Your interpretation,
Of it, is up to you. So here goes:
I knew this girl once, she hated life. She had so many problems.
But they were problems she could have fought off before they started.
The problem was, she didn't. She let them consume her. Consume her thoughts.
Soon, they would consume her whole life, driving her to a point of recklessness.
I knew a girl once, who always thought she was fat.
Everyone around her knew it too, some tried to help,
But worse, most didn't try to stop her, in fear of... something.
They all acted like nothing was wrong,
But they all knew what she was hiding,
She wasn't very good at keeping secrets from the world.
Everyday, she was looking skinnier than the day before.
All the teachers noticed too, even ones who didn't know her.
They all gathered around one day, and decided what they should do.
Whether they should all intervene, or stay away,
They were also afraid of something, though they themselves could not tell you,
Because although they were adults, they didn't know either.
It was just the presence of the girl. Anyway, I'm going off track.
As I said, day by day, she was getting worse. In the end though,
The teachers decided, that they should let the parents do the work.
What they didn't know was, she didn't have any real parents.
No parents that would love and cherish their child, anyway.
The girl was only good at hiding one thing: the beatings she got.
So day after day, she came to school, now looking like a stick.
The teachers thought; one more day and we'll intervene.
But as day after day came and went, they didn't push the subject.
Until that one, fateful day, where the world crumbled beneath them,
As they got a letter from her parents, that their child was gone.
She wasn't gone as in escaped. She was GONE. Forever, and could not be replaced.
The teachers felt naturally devastated that they didn't help earlier,
When they knew they could've. After all, they knew how sickly thin she was.
They also knew about the beatings too, for one day at school, she showed them to the world.
Knowing that when the day's afternoon came, she would be gone forever.
With no soul left on this Earth that she hated so badly.
She showed everyone, for she knew no-one could help her anymore.
And so now you know, the story of a girl, who was the exact same as me.
Do you wonder who the actual girl is? Well do you? I'll tell you.
She was my twin. My lifeline, my saviour.
She was the face of perfection, but she was the perfect example.
The perfect example of a life gone wrong, distorted into a life
That nobody should ever have to go through, least of all her.
And now that she is gone, I am trying to quit.
I'm trying to eat more and weigh at a perfect, average weight girls
My age would be expected to weigh.
Nothing more, nothing less. Just perfect.
I'm doing this for her, Annamarie, trying to live the life I know she wanted for so long.
And I'm doing this for myself, knowing that unless I want to end up like my sister, I'd have to try to stop
Unless I'd want to have thoughts that consumed every fibre of my living soul,
To be consumed by the monster the thoughts have created, I cannot continue living like this.
It's not easy, yes, and it's going to be a tough ride, but it will be worth every struggle.
So once I have healed myself, doing whatever I can,
I will try to help others, who are in the exact same situation as me,
And I will be their lifeline, their saviour, just like Annamarie was mine.
Never be afraid to get help, like me. It doesn't hurt.