"liberum arbitrium"

It's from Latin.
It means that you're free to make your own choices.
And life it's made of choices.


4. When finally

"Somethings can't remain unsaid."



September 21th - Sunday

1:00 A.M.


    I'm laying on his bed facing the roof, trying to be as quiet as possible. I'm almost sure he's sleeping, but the soft tv noises make me unsure. I take a few deep breaths trying to decide if the tv noises would be actually louder than any sound I could make. I search for his phone on top of his drawer. Once I find it i go look for my small pack on my dirty clothes on the corner of the room. There it is, my cigarettes. There's only two left. 


     I open the window and jump on it, siting on the edge of the window. I have my cigars on my right hand Luke's phone on the other. 


      I just seat there smoking, watching the small puff of smoke go away with the breeze that softly hits my face, and my legs dance with the wind that makes me a bit cold. After, when there's just the cigarette but, I throw it away. As I light up the last cigar I unlock Luke's phone, quickly dialing Tim's number. I look at it twice before actually making the call. "Hello ?" "Hey Jim." "Oh, it's just you. What do you want Allison ?" I try to not cry at his answer. "What time is it ? You're going to be so fucked when your parents find out." "Our parents Jim." "I know Allison. Come on, what do you want ?" "I took your pack of cigarettes." "I know. And you always do that, why you're telling me that anyway ?" "I'm sorry." I say with my face wet with tears. "What? Why? Are you crying Allison?" "Goodbye Jim." I say and end the call.


     My fingers hold tight to the mobile on my hand and the tears fall down to my shirt. The wind is blowing my hair, and I look down, wondering if I would feel free, if I felt the air went through my hole body. I close my eyes enjoying the feeling. "No more problems. Nothing more to worry about." my mind says. Inducing me to go further the edge. 


       "Ally !" I hear a distant voice call me and strong arms pull me back. "Ally." The voice says again. "Please let me go. Let me be free." I say not even thinking. It's almost like i don't have the control anymore.  "Ally, you were going to jump out of the window !" The voice says, but now it's louder, and clearer. "No, I was just enjoying the breeze outside." I calmly answer. There's no problem with that, right ? "Ally, you can't do this." "I just want it to stop." I say tearing up again. "I want these voices to stop." I explain. "Calm down, Ally." Luke said. Luke. "Luke." "Yes." He whispers and I realize we're holding each other.


   "I'm here." he keeps saying, and finally I'm hearing the words I needed for so long. 


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