Choices

"liberum arbitrium"

It's from Latin.
It means that you're free to make your own choices.
And life it's made of choices.

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7. There's no where to hide

 

 

 

 "I have this feeling that won't go away, and I'm afraid it will never leave."

 

- Ally -

September 22th - Monday 

10:27 A.M.

 

    I roll to the left, trying to hide away from the sunlight peeking through the blinds. I start to feel hot with the warmth of the light and the covers around me. I sit up, feeling my hole body ache. I get up and freshen it up, to see if it will make me feel a little less horrible. It kinda works, at least I feel a bit more comfortable. As I walk back to the room I notice a small piece of paper laying between the pillows. 

 

"Feel free to eat, watch, or call whoever/wherever you want. 

L"

  I smile at the thought of someone thinking about me right after they wake up. Not as in a romantic way, but just as in "i know you exist" way. That's something I barely had. Even thought I was right beside him when he woke up, it was really nice of him. But from the minute I met him, when he wasn't ?

 

1:10 P.M.

 

    After swiping channel after channel about a hundred times, I turn the tv off. I take a quick glance at the clock on the room, which i can see from my seat on the couch, and it occurs to me that maybe I should eat something. Its lunch time, isn't it ? I wouldn't really know, i would regularly forget to have my meals, or any basic necessities.

 

    I start to get anxious, not only about Lucas delay, but just the because I naturally overthink everything. That is the real problem. Trying to avoid any further looping of worries I start to search for my pack of cigarettes. As I look thought the bedroom I see my lighter by the window, and I remember that I lighted the last one last night. 

 

   I start to pace around the apartment, searching for a distraction. I keep thinking "I just need a pack of cigs", cause that's what they are to me, a distraction from the real problems, especially from the biggest of them, my troubled mind. As i go trough the kitchen I catch a glance on the knife on the balcony. I take a deep breath and look away. I need to get myself together. 

 

    2:10 P.M.

 

     I've gone mad. I'm literally sitting, almost in tears, by the door, waiting for Lucas to get home. How pathetic. How more needier could I get? But at last, it seems like my prayers have been answered, because not long after, he was opening the door. With all my hopelessness, I jump on my feet and start spilling everything I was waiting to say, only because I was scared to start crying in the middle of a constructed sentence. I could already feel the tear building up, and I just stared talking. 

 

     But something I wasn't expecting was Luke having someone with him. Shit. I was disturbing them. I shouldn't be here. As always. 

 

     I quickly apologize and rush to the room, but not as fast as my blood rushes to my cheeks.

 

     No no no no no. I keep repeating on my head, with a consuming bad feeling deep inside me. Shame maybe? Luke opens the door, and I'm siting on the ground beside the bed. Before he closes the door I hear another one shutting close. "Did she leave ?" I ask looking up at him. "Yeah," "No she can't leave just because of me. Tell her to come back, I'll go.." " I start but Luke interrupts me. "Yes, she left. But i wanted her to leave, okay? I asked her to leave. And you're not going anywhere. Only if you truly want to." I nod in response. "

 

   "Anyway." He says putting on top of the bed a few bags. "Melissa helped me get some stuff for you." I start to open a few of them and there are some basic tees, a few sports bras, underwear, a pair of pajamas, and some other stuff. "You didn't need to buy all this stuff for me." I say feeling the warmth inside me again. No one ever  spend all this much just on clothes for me. "Of corse I needed. You can't keep wearing the same pair of clothes forever. And I thought you would rather use these than keep wearing my clothes." The second he finishes his sentence I'm on his arms. I hug him tight, welcoming the feeling and the warmth. 

 

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