I Smile Again


26. 23

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"So... What's your name?" I asked and shifted myself in my seat. The tension was awkward and the 10 year old girl just blankly stated at me. My hands were trembling as I held the phone tightly.

"Naomi." Was all she said. I nodded and signaled her to sit calmly while I passed a phone call in the other room.

I jogged to the room and closed it before dialing Harry's number. After a few rings, no answers. My heart best increased and I was about to break into tears. I told Harry to fuck off, so basically it was all my fault and I couldn't feel worst and he moment. I let myself fall to the ground and I was about to start crying but I couldn't. My throat was tight. I wasn't sure Harry knew how scared I was of loosing him again, and at this pace we were on the road or that. Maybe I didn't know what my path in life was, or maybe I was exaggerating, all I knew was that I'm traumatized. I shouldn't apologize for how I feel, no one can control how they feel. I was about to get married with him and nothing was going to change my mind, I loved him unconditionally.

After few minutes of reflection I heard loud banging and I immediately got up to run to the door. The banging was getting louder and my heart was pounding.

"Okay Naomi, can you please get in the room?"

"I'm not moving. I didn't even ask to be here." I was startled. Kids nowadays don't even have respect anymore and I hope one day I could raise my own.

I nodded and swallowed hard before turning the knob to reveal a drunk man. Harry smelled alcohol at every inch of him. His eyes were a bloodshot red and my heart sank. He pushed me back before stepping in and taking a look at Naomi to who he surprisedly smiled.

"Harry... This... This is Naomie." I stepped towards them two and the little girl sat still not even blinking. Harry turned to face me and the smell was too much for me so I just closed my eyes and took steps back again.

"Are you scared of me ?" He laughed and jerked his head back. I gritted my teeth in displeasure.

"Where were you?!"

"Why the fuck would you care?!" He said getting closer to me and the smell was heavy.

"Harry. Calm down. Please. Tell me what you were doing!" He held my wrist and squeezed it tightly. My heart was racing as I saw Naomi run to our room. Harry had exaggerated on the alcohol.

"I was at the bar and I got wasted!" He laughed and banged me to the wall before walking away.

"You drank too much. Did you screw anyone? Did you smoke? Tell me everything Harry... Where you were and what you were doing!" I shouted. It was impossible for me to contain my anger and worry.

"I was at a local bar. I drank, what are you going to do huh? I was even with Jimmy." He shouted back and my heart stopped. That meant it was possible that Harry had heroin and that made me want to isolate myself and cry all the tears of my body. I was feeling weak and bitter. Completely bereaved like Harry's logic was dead.


At the sight of Eleanor weak and crying on the floor, my conscience came back. I was aware of everything now but the alcohol was still strong in my head and all this was too much in one scenario for me to bare. I sat down on the couch and let it sink in my weight. I let my head fall into my palms and the sweat that was sprawled over my forehead made my hair damp. The tension was sinister I'd say and I regretted everything, so instead of getting too preoccupied and fuck up more I let my eyes close and before I knew it I was asleep and breathing heavily.


After about thirty minutes of napping I was less drunk and I realized what was happening. I blinked a few times to clear my viewpoint. I heard chattering coming from the kitchen and didn't bother to figure out who the voices belonged to.

This was a difficult time because I recalled all my previous actions, at the bar, with Jimmy, with Eleanor, the clerk lady. I need to just keep holding on because one day the oceans will move and the stars will collapse. Everything changes, as does your life. I stood up and made my way to my room my wash my face and freshen up so I can give Eleanor explanations since I owe her that.


"Hey girls." I interrupted whoever the small girl was, and my beautiful Eleanor.

They both nodded in unison and I bit my lip.

"Can I talk to you Eleanor please?" I knew I still smelled alcohol after my nap, shower, teeth brushing, perfume and all. She smiled and the child and made her way to the living room brushing past me.

"What?" She folded her arms which made her breasts rise. I couldn't remove my eyes from her cleavage but that wasn't why I needed to be with her.

"I'm sorry. I did go to a bar, but it was painful to hurt you and I needed to change my mind so I don't want you to worry babe. I didn't smoke, I saw Jimmy and he drank with me but I wouldn't ever go back to Heroin. I care about you, and our future. I won't disappoint you, and I keep thinking that no matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and eventually realize your struggles changed your life for the better. Eleanor I love you, and I'm love with you."

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