“‘Caught bang to rights you were. Now he’s to be judged by Judge Dredd.’ Oh, my God. You really let us down this time, lad.”
Wallace couldn’t believe what he was reading in the paper. His very best friend had been arrested and now he felt lonely, despite he had two dresser robots he couldn’t mend and a whole flock of sheep. Two fat sheep were eating his paper. One began chewing to the other side.
“Hey, this is my side!” complained a fat sheep called Chris.
“My side tastes like someone’s arse!” snapped the other fat sheep called Barry.
“Sod off!” shouted Wallace as he got up and pass through the sheep. He found it hard to pass through the woolly buggers. He saw about ten guys fighting over a bottle of wine.
“Hey! I want a drink!” demanded a sheep called Cleveland.
“What, and let it drink your moustache away?” yelled Quagmire.
“I work hard!” yelled Stan. “I deserve a drink more than anyone else!”
As the boys were busy arguing, Shaun took the wine bottle. “Ha ha! You’re all too slow!”
Wallace made his way to the noisy kitchen.
“Excuse me, sir,” said a fat sheep called Cleveland Jr. “Where are all the breath mints for getting rid of the salty breath from my mouth?”
“I think I put them in my chest… in the sea!” Wallace laughed sarcastically. He walked on. He saw a little lamb falling down, like he was doing Superman. Wallace caught him.
“Watch what you're doing, Superlamb!” yelled Wallace, putting him down and walking off.
“Hey, my name is Rallo and – Wait a minute,” said Rallo. “You said my right name!”
Wallace saw three young male sheep called Federline, Neil and Jeff playing music. Three young female sheep called Roberta, Hayley and Meg were watching.
“That sheep with the drums really bounce,” said the sheep called Roberta.
“No, it’s the one with the flute that charms me,” said the sheep called Hayley.
“At least, you guys won’t be arguing over one,” moaned the sad sheep with the pink hat and glasses called Meg, who walked away.
“Where’s she going?” asked Hayley.
“If she doesn’t want to take my boyfriend away, that’s fine with me,” Roberta replied.
“Any girl who can’t decide can have me!” The girls turned around and saw a sheep with glasses called Steve there.
“Don’t mean to offend you, but we’re doing all right,” said Hayley and she and her friend walked off.
But Meg heard and she ran for Steve, but she was blocked off by a sheep in glasses called Neil. “Hi, Meg,” he greeted. Steve couldn’t see Meg’s annoyance with Neil and sadly walked away. He bumped into Wallace.
“If you want to win the girl,” advised Wallace, “get a make-over!”
Steve was now very upset and he ran out crying. Then two other sheep – one white with scruffy hair and an Asian sheep with glasses – came to Wallace.
“Sir, there’s someone at the door for you,” said Snot the scruffy white sheep.
“It’s that monster who trapped us in that green lorry,” moaned Toshi the Japanese sheep. He spoke Japanese and Wallace couldn’t understand what he was saying so he went to the door and found Wendolene there. But she wasn’t cheerily or friendly; she was looking unhappy.
“I’m sorry about this,” she sighed.
“What for?” asked Wallace.
“Oh, nothing,” Wendolene moaned. “Just stay away from me, from my shop, from my silly windows and my sexy, sexy breasts!”
“Was it something I did wrong?” asked Wallace.
“No. I’m, uh – Moving out to Iraq to help the future of their children, who are the future of Iraq.”
“Well, I can come with you and help you. Like the time I was a teacher – ”
“No!” interrupted Wendolene. “Just forget me. I’m not worth a damn to you.” She turned away.
Wallace didn’t know what to say, so he just watched her go. The sheep had stopped what they were doing and were watching Wallace and Wendolene the whole time. They were stunned and silent, except Cleveland Jr. who was eating leaves of a bush.
“I’m so sorry about Gromit!” sobbed Wendolene, as she walked away.
“Huh!” exclaimed Wallace. “She wouldn’t let me finish my flashback! Now these readers won’t know what happened!”
As the days had gone by, life for Wallace felt like he was a servant for Satan. For a start, he fell down through his bedroom to the dining room in his underpants and his vest. Two sheep called Donna and Francine fell with him too.
“Next time, I’m walking down instead of taking the short cut!” complained Donna.
“Actually, I thought it was pretty awesome!” moaned Francine.
Something hit Wallace’s face.
“I thought you wanted to read that!” called Shaun. “It’s about your buddy.”
Wallace took and read the Daily Mail paper entitled ‘SHEEP DOG TRIAL CONTINUES ITS TRAIL!’
“Oh, Gromit,” sighed Wallace.
The next day, he got a Daily Times paper entitled ‘GROMIT BIT ME ON THE BEHIND, SAYS SHEPPARD!’
“Oh, Gromit!” yelled Wallace. “Why the hell did you do that?”
Finally, the next day, Wallace and the sheep were watching the BBC News.
“Good evening, I’m Tom Tucker,” greeted the male TV presenter.
“And I’m Diana Simmons,” greeted the female TV presenter.
“First, we go to Ollie Williams, who is going to turn on the Blackpool Illuminations lights. How’s it going, Ollie?”
Ollie Williams was on stage and pulled down the lever. The city of Blackpool was now the sun sitting on the Earth.
“VERY BRIGHT!” yelled Ollie.
“Thanks, Ollie,” said Tom Tucker. “And now we go to Judge Dredd to pass the sentence to killer dog Gromit.”
In the court room, Gromit was standing next to three other criminals – Judge Death, Shojun the Warlord and Stan Lee. Judge Dredd entered.
“Shojun the Warlod,” said Dredd, “causing a war and killing millions of people – that’s death for you.” He shot Shojun and moved to Judge Death.
“You can’t sentence me to death,” protested Death. “Or my name isn’t death.”
“Oh, really?” asked Dredd, as he pressed a button and a trap door under Death opened. He fell into a lava pit and drowned. The trap door closed up.
Dredd turned to Stan Lee. “Stan Lee, killing people with knives and with mutants – DEATH!” He shot him and finally turned to Gromit.
“Just get it over quickly,” Gromit sighed.
But Dredd didn’t pull his gun out. “Killing one sheep and filling in all of the paperwork of the sheep rustlers – you get life imprisonment!”
Dredd bang his gavel and the guards took Gromit away.
Wallace couldn’t believe what he had just seen. “Oh, no!” he cried.
“Oh, no!” cried Bruce.
“Oh, no!” cried Chris.
“Oh, no!” cried Meg.
“Oh, no!” cried Seamus.
“Oh, no!” cried Mort.
“Oh, no!” cried Quagmire.
“Oh, yeah!” cried the Kool-Aid Guy, who crashed through a wall into the house. Everyone stared at him and he nervously left.
“Well, I’m not going to sit and watch my best friend rot in chains,” said Wallace. “I’m going to break him out.”
“Why can’t you just bail him out?” asked Chris.
“Because you eat almost of my money!” answered Wallace rudely. “I have only enough to pay taxes!”
“What you need,” spoke a fat sheep called Carl, “is a breakout plan like from The Shawshank Redemption.”
“More like Prison Break,” said Wallace. “Right, let’s get planning.”
“Let’s?” copied Seamus. “Why should we risk our wool or wood for a mutt who we never knew?”
“Because he did it for your woolly tails,” said Wallace, “and, if you’re going to live in my house, you’re going to do what I say and when I say so! All of you! Now, COME ON!” He yelled at the top of his lungs so loud that no sheep defied him. Then he turned to a bald sheep called Bullock.
“How did I do?” he asked.
“Very good, Wallace,” said Bullock, patting his hoof on Wallace’s shoulder. “Very good.”
And Wallace ran off, but he soon fell down he hurted his foot. “Ah! Ah! Seez! Ah! I’m coming, Gromit! Ah! Ah!”
In prison, Gromit was bored. All he had in his cell was Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment. But he was lonely, yet he had rather unpleasant company. Because there was a little hole to the next cell. No one could get through, but Gromit could hear his old enemy.
“So, Gromit, how does it feel to be close to your enemy?” asked Feathers McGraw.
“Shut up, McGraw!” yelled Gromit. “You and I are not the same.”
“Well, we’re both in prison. Both of us!”
“Yeah, except you deserve this and I don’t.”
“That’s what anyone would think,” pointed out Feathers.
“Except those who plead ‘guilty’ at the trial,” moaned Gromit.
“No more chit-chat about this negativity,” said Feathers. “We need to talk about something else.”
“Hey, I got something for you’ll love,” said a hippo called Jonnah, poking her head next to Feathers. “Where’s the best place in your cell to get drunk?”
“I don’t know,” said Feathers. “Where’s the best place in your cell to get drunk?”
“A bar!” cried Jonnah.
And she and Feathers left, laughing together.
Then, in his cell, Gromit received a parcel from the door. He picked it up and opened it. It was a crossword sheet. “Well, that will give me a nice change to do.” Then he did it.
It took him until nightfall to complete it. He looked at it and he realised that he wrote it in Elfish. If that crossword was set in Elfish, he knew Wallace would send that. He got out his Elfish dictionary by J. R. R. Tolkien and translated it as ‘FRIDAY NIGHT, 8:00PM, BE READY – YOUR FAT, YET INGENIOUS FRIEND. HA HA HA!’
Gromit look at his calendar and saw it was Friday and his alarm clock said 8:00pm. What now?
“Why didn’t you send me to the top?” asked a voice that belonged to a sheep named Holt. “After all of the mockery of my shortness, you could cut me slack by putting me to the top of the column.”
“I would, but the fat idiot insisted that I rescue the useless pup because he saved mine!” moaned the voice of Shaun the sheep. He appeared at the window and, with an electric saw, he started to cut through the bars of the cell window.
“I don’t believe it!” cried Gromit, as he moved to the window.
“Even now?” asked Shaun sarcastically. Gromit began to climb onto him.
“Hey, man!” cried Feathers. “Where are you going?”
“Away from your garden, Mr. McGraw! Ta da!” chuckled Gromit, as he got away from his cell.
Joanna had to laugh, but Feathers didn’t. “Why did you find that funny?”
“Because he’s referring you to Mr. McGregor.”
“The guy who chased Peter Rabbit in his garden?”
“No! The guy who played Obi-Wan Kenobi!” laughed Joanna loudly. So did Feathers.
Outside, Gromit didn’t get very far. He was standing on the top of a sheep column that reached from the ground floor to the top level of the prison. Wallace was holding the sheep, but he couldn’t see where he was going and he could hear the sheep arguing.
“BLAST! I was going to shoot a wood pigeon for dinner, but you stopped me!” yelled Lester the sheep.
“Hey, watch my handsome face!” yelled Terry the sheep.
“Oh, shut up and pull yourselves together, lads!” screamed Wallace. “Just like mmmee...” Wallace fell down after slipping on soap. He landed and saw Gromit and the sheep falling closer to him!
=== SCENE MISSING ===
Wallace, Gromit and the sheep were in a strange field, far away from the prison. There next to Wallace stood Mr. Flippers, the walrus with a moustache and a top hat.
“Thanks for saving me and my friends, Mr. Flippers,” smiled Wallace.
“Now, Wallace,” said Mr. Flippers. “Don’t let your face get blocked or your ears disturbed or your feet slip on the soap. Well, take care, everyone.”
“Thank you, Mr. Flippers!” cried everyone, as the walrus took off in the air.
“What if someone finds out where I am?” asked Gromit.
“My sheep have taken care of it,” answered Wallace.
At the prison, the guards were chasing a sheep that looked like he had been dipped in grease and was wearing a Gromit face mask.
“You can’t catch me, pathetic guards!” shouted the sheep. “You’re too slow! I’m too fast!” But the sheep was caught in a net.
Then the warden of the prison, a bear in a uniform called Tim, saw the action and walked to the captured. He took the mask off and saw it was a sheep.
“This isn’t Gromit!” shouted Tim. “This is a sheep dressed like Gromit. Now find the devil and get him in here, so we can protect the Erath from evil.”
“Sir, what about this sheep?” asked the First Officer.
“Kill him and spread blood on your door to stop God coming down and taking your children’s lives,” answered Tim.
In the field, the sheep were having a nice game of baseball, under the command of Coach Charles McFall. “All right, ladies!” he cried. “Let’s do it.”
While they were playing the game, Wallace and Gromit stood next to a wall.
“Thank you for getting me out of there, Wallace,” said Gromit.
“That’s all right,” said Wallace. “But it’s not over yet. I suppose you’re going to have to skip the country now. If you don’t, you’ll be hunted down like… well… Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows.”
“Which country do you think I should flee to?” asked Gromit.
“Well…” thought Wallace. “You can flee to India, Alskea, Brazil… What else? Japan, China, Korea…”
“Green van,” interrupted Gromit.
“Green van? You mean, Greenland? Your fur won’t make it that – ”
“No! I meant a green van coming through!”
And, as always, Gromit was right. A green van broke through the wooden gate and parked. The people that got out must be the rustlers.
Maybe we can prove my innocence, thought Gromit.
But Wallace was shocked to see that it was Preston the Chicken and his owner… Wendolene Ramsbottom.
“No! No!” yelled Wallace. “It can’t be! Wend – ”
Gromit put his hand on his mouth. “There must be some explanation behind this. Let’s hide behind the wall.” And they did so.
Meanwhile, Wendolene blew her whistle and all the sheep stopped their game and got on board the lorry. But Preston saw one in the corner – Shaun the sheep, drunk and peeing in the bushes near a mountain of glass bottles.
“Get in the van!” ordered Preston.
“Make me,” Shaun answered back drunkenly.
With that remark, Preston leaned forward and began to grab him, grinding his teeth. “NOW, MOVE IT OR I’LL – ”
“STOP IT! SPOT IT, PRESTON!” shouted Wendolene as she knocked the hat of Preston’s head. She went to strike him again, but he caught it and took it off her.
“I want no more of this bloody rustling!” shouted Wendolene. “The wool was one thing, but this is more evil than the Sith!”
“Shut up and get moving!” ordered Preston, pushing Wendolene into the van with the sheep. He chucked Shaun to Wendolene and closed up.
“Wow! Crap service!” moaned Shaun. “And I thought Jack Bruno from Race to Witch Mountain was a bad driver.”
“Let me out!” yelled Wendolene. “You’re not going to turn me into dog meat and then I won’t become dog crap either!”
Wallace and Gromit have been hearing this from the other field, dressed as a scarecrow. “Dog food? Dog crap?” cried Wallace.
“Cut it out!” yelled Gromit. “It’s disgusting.”
“Help!” yelled Wendolene and the sheep as they drive away.
“Don’t worry, Wendolene,” called Wallace back, as he started off the engine on his bike and took off. “I’m on my way!”
“Can’t you give me a minute to get down first?” asked an unstable Gromit.