21. "Up Mama!"
My three year old daughter is talking to the bath room mirror again. It never fails to make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck when she does it.
It's been a year since my wife died in a car crash and my daughter still talks to her. In her bedroom at night I hear "Night MaMa." At the park I hear her say " Watch me MaMa! Watch me!"
But the worst is the mirror. She always says the same thing when she's in front of it. "Up MaMa up!" She used to say that to my wife when she wanted to be picked up.
I ask where Mommy is and she leads me into the bath room and points at the mirror with a smile. I tell her "MaMa is with Jesus." She just looks at me puzzled and goes back to the mirror. It is really starting to trouble me. What does she see?
I am shaking as I write this. I lost my baby girl today. She didn't die, she didn't go missing...I just lost her. I heard her talking to the mirror as always.
"Up MaMa up!" then suddenly she said, " I go."
That was what always her way of saying " Can I go with you."
I ran to the bath room just in time to see my daughter reach up her little hands and disappear into the mirror with a giggle.
I am standing in front of that mirror now. When I am done I will still be sitting in front of it. I just hope she can hear me as I beg:
" Take me with you."