"No, mom," Abby laughs, sounding almost nervous. I'm not one to eavesdrop, but I listened. "It's not like that." I furrow my eyebrows as I pick my pack up off the table and put it in my purse.
"Do you seriously think I would ever do that? That's crazy," I shake my head. 'What did that girl do?' I think. "Me and Nicole are seriously friends. If that... We live together."
My heart drops. I can feel the blood drain from my face. So that's what it is. I sling my purse on my shoulder and grab my keys.
"I gotta go, mom. I'll talk to you later." Abby rushes from her bedroom and down the hall.
"Nicole!" She yells after me, but by this time I'm already locking the door. I reach into my bag and pull a cigarette out, shoving it between my lips. I hear the lock fumble as I go down the stairs of my apartment.
"Nicole!" Abby yells again, but this time her voice cracking in the middle of my name. The sound shatters my heart, but I keep walking. I get into my truck, just steps from the front door and slam the door shut. Abby runs to the passenger side and jumps into the seat.
"Get out." I don't look at her. I just stare ahead, un phased.
"I know I said-"
"Get out!" I scream; squeezing my eyes shut. She stares at me for a moment and I light my cigarette.
"Nicole..." She says quietly. "Please..."
"Get out of my truck, Abby." I say in the same soft tone. I am hurt; there's no need to explain that. She knows it. Abby looks at me still until finally she opens the door and steps out of my truck. I back out, not looking at her as she stands on the sidewalk; chest heaving and tears sparkling on her cheeks. I hit the gas and speed away.
I'm not going to class. I'm driving. I'll drive wherever this stupid road takes me until I run out of gas. Then I'll sit where ever I am and feel sorry for myself. I might cry. I might not. I might sit there for hours, or all night. And then I don't know what. And at that moment, I don't care.
How could I be so ignorant? I knew better. I expected this, but she told me otherwise; that is why I am so hurt. I drive and drive, turning down roads I don't know, and slowly, I happily get lost.
My cell phone vibrates in my pocket. I don't look at it. Then again. And again. I grit my teeth and roll my eyes, yanking it from my jeans.
Abby is calling me. Her name 'Pooky', which was a pet name I made up for her because I liked her and wanted to be able to say it, now annoys me.
I ignore the call. Again, my phone vibrates. Her name showing on the screen once more. Frustrated, I answer.
"What!?" I cry out. My voice breaks on accident and I curse myself mentally.
"I love you.. And I'm so sorry," she's crying. Suddenly a hard jolt knocks the phone from my hand and throws my forward. I feel an impact on my head and am slung back into my seat, knocking the breath from my lungs. I try to gasp, but no air enters my chest. I can feel a wet substance trickling down my head. My ankles are being pressed into the metal bottom of the seat, hot and wet with blood.
'You're in the middle of the road', I turn my head and spot the tree I bounced off of. I barely turn my focus to see a large semi truck barreling my way. Tires screech on the pavement, and it hits.
When I open my eyes, I see the sky, blue and shining. A siren is calling from a few miles away and a few murmuring frantic voices touch my ears.
"She's awake!" I hear someone exclaim. My body feels numb as I lie motionless on the ground. I wonder if I am even able to move. My eyes shift to my right. A grown man shutters on the pavement several feet away from me.
I want to tell him that I'm alright, but my voice doesn't want to work. Instead a wet bubble oozes from deep in my throat, making me gag. I feel someone scoop me onto my side and blood gushes from somewhere inside me.
I imagine that I've gotten some kind of internal bleeding. This may be my last moment, and somehow, all I can think about is Abby. Her face flashes in my mind, and now she's all I want to see.
I pull enough strength together to look down at my body. I see that a large gash has been cut into my side. My head falls back. This is it, I think to myself. This is all I'm made of. And this is the end.
The siren nears me and as several hands pull me every which way, I try my best to embrace my death. I'm lifted into an ambulance. I assume I'm not being life flighted because it's either useless or because were already 5 minutes from the hospital. It's probably the latter but in all reality, it's probably both.
A voice that I know calls out my name, but it sounds like it's falling into my universe from a different world. I'm somewhere else now. Above me I see Abby's fearful face, tears rippling her cheeks like a waterfall. Her chest is heaving and her eyes nose and lips are especially red.
"I love you so much," she cries, "please don't leave me,"
"I'm glad I got to see you," I whisper, and with that, a set of men slam the doors and I feel the engine kick as we speed away. A soft cup is placed over my lips and I fade into darkness.
I can hear the rhythmic sound pulsing through the machine. It's 2:45 am and I can hardly hold my eyes open. I can't sleep, but I have to. I have to try. I take Nicole's hand in mine and lean forward, pressing gentle lips to her cheek. And I fall into a restless nap.
The next thing I hear are footsteps. Stomping, running, startling me from my sleep. I jump, standing upright. The slow repeating sound howls with a loud disturbing buzz. I can't speak.
Suddenly, strong arms yank on me and I tumble right off my feet and into their arms. My eyes on her. Her body. Because Nicole isn't there anymore. The machine says she's gone. There's nothing left to do. Her chest is unmoving. I've never seen anything sit so still. She's gone.