"You know what they say about hope, it brings eternal revenge," - Sara Shepherd
When I step into the principal's office I immediately start to panic and don't know where to start. I'm having an internal debate as in how to open the conversation, but Mr. Gonzalez speaks before I have the chance to.
"Hello Miss Cabello, what brings you into my office so early into the year?" Did he literally just say that? I know I was sent to his office multiple times last year, but I have changed since then. I'm a totally different person. I try to mask the hurt I was feeling, but I've lost most of my ability to pretend anymore. When he notices the frown that has taken over my face, I instantly see regret in his eyes.
"No no, Miss Cabello I didn't mean it like that what I meant was how my assist you like um..." He fumbles over his words not knowing how to explain himself.
"It's fine I understand," I say wanting to dismiss the subject, I didn't come here to create unnecessary awkward moments with my principal .
At that I gain confidence and remember what I am here for, "but I wanted to ask if I may...change my schedule." I ask a little rushed hoping to hear the answer I'm desperately awaiting.
It doesn't come. In fact I receive the total opposite answer of what I was expecting to hear. My heart immediately drops to my stomach as the word "No", leaves this man's mouth. How could he say no to me, after everything that I have been through last year? How could he say no? Before I can stop my mouth, words immediately spill out.
"What? What do you mean no? You can't do this to me, please!" I yell franticly at Mr. Gonzalez. Probably not the best choice of action, but it's my first reaction. How could he not want to change my schedule? I need to if not I won't survive this year.
"Miss Cabello, what is this frantic urge to change classes about?" He asks me, trying to ignore my outburst.
"Well the people who have basically ruined my life are in all except two of my classes, for starters," I try to explain but I can tell he wasn't going to have it.
"Miss Cabello, are they still bothering you because if they are then I need to know so I can put a stop to it," as soon as he says those words I regret coming here. I should have kept my mouth shut; I can't tell him that they are still bugging me. That would just piss of Lauren and the rest of her loyal companions. I gulped and try to swallow down the bile rising in my throat.
"No of course not, we handled the problem last year. I just really want to forget and move on from the whole mess. How am I supposed to do that if I'm around them?" I'm praying that he will take in what I just told him. Yes, half of what I just said is a lie but not all of it. I do want to move on from what happened last year, I want a new start away from them.
"Listen Camila, how about you give it try and by try I mean at least two months, and after that if you still insist on changing your schedule then I shall do as you wish," I know I'm not going to win.
This stubborn man is offering me something, I might as well let this argument go. The chubby man stares at me expecting an answer. Okay Camila you can put up with them for two months. You can do this Camila, you can do this. "Fine, but only two months," I finally say, with a final goodbye and smile I exit Mr. Gonzalez's office. As I step into the office I pray that no one heard my outburst. Because then another rumor would start that I'm a sociopath who needs to be locked up.
It's not like it would affect me anyways, there's already tons of rumors circulating around me. I say goodbye to Margo as I step out of the office. I walk down the halls to go to my first class. As I do, memories start to flood in through my mind. I always try to keep them out but I never can. So much has happened since last year, and all of them have been anything but negative. Maybe this year will be different, maybe I will find some way to bring back light in my life. But somehow I know all of those possibilities are far from reality. With a deep breath I open the door for my second class of the day, already expecting the worse.
As soon as I step into the classroom all eyes are on me. I hear a few whispers and giggles come from the back of the room. I immediately know who they belong to, Lauren. I try to avoid looking at the other girls who surround her, but it's extremely hard to do so when I have such little will power. My eyes meet each of the four girls eyes. I immediately regret looking at them, they give me a disgusted glare and start whispering to one another.
"Are you going to take a sit or what?" I hear my new English teacher call me out.
"I- I um I-," I start to stutter and don't know what to do, I quickly walk all the way to the far corner of the room with my head down, trying to act as if the entire class is not staring at me right at this moment. I take my seat and look up, everyone seems to have taken their attention from me to the lecture Mr. whatever-his-name-is giving. I quietly take out my notebook and try my best to focus my attention on the board. But I can't do so when I know that the four girls sitting at the other end of the room are staring at me with small smirks on their faces.