Losing It // z.m

“What would you say if I offered you my virginity?" * * * * Orion: Mischievous. Adamant. Curious. What else is there to describe a girl on a mission? Warning: Graphic scenes / Adult language


11. Chapter 9


“Not too far” I strained a laugh. “I’m not that flexible.”


“Sorry” he chuckled. 


It was the next day and Zayn had came over after school. He was helping me stretch my legs so I was on my back with one of my legs bent as he pushed it towards my chest.


“Ow!” I groaned, slapping at his chest. “Slow down! I’m not a pretzel.”


“Maybe you should wait for your appointment tomorrow to do this.”


I poked out my lip and feigned innocence, “You don’t wanna help me?”


“I do” he rushed out, “But not if I’m doing it wrong.”


“Alright” I grumbled, pulling down my shirt that seems to keep riding up. I breathed out a breath I didn’t know I was holding when he settled next to me. 


“Tell me about your sister.”


Whoa, what?!


“W-what?” I breathed out instead. 


“Your sister, Indus, tell me about her.”


I opened my mouth to object when I realized, he’s shared everything with me. He openly let himself out to me and even though it would be a painful memory to share, I let it out. 


“Indus and I were total opposites but that’s what made us close. She was always so sweet and caring and such an ass kisser” I chuckled. 


Zayn laughed along with me and grabbed onto my hand. For support maybe?


“She was fifteen when she got her permit to drive and she…she asked me to teach her.”

I bit at my lip and let out another breath.

“I had just gotten my license just a few months prior and I didn’t feel right helping her out but…our parents worked all the time and she was begging.” My free hand was waving through the air as my voice cracked on the last couple of words.


“She was driving to the store when she nicked one of the neighbors’ mailboxes. I was mad…so mad. Now that I think about it, it was ridiculous. I shouldn’t have been mad but at the time” I sighed, “I was being stupid. I drove us back home, yelling at her the whole way.”


I sniffled and wiped at the tear I felt streak down my cheek and warmly to my ear. “She was crying the entire time, telling me how sorry she was.”


“Orion, it’s alright. I get it.”


“But you don’t!” I snapped. “I made her feel so horrible that-that she ran away that night and got herself killed. Hit by a fucking car. Ironic right?”


“Orion, I’m so sorry.”


“And when…” I let out a sob and covered my mouth when another threatened to come through. 


Zayn pulled me onto my side and cuddled me into his chest. I cried into his dark shirt clutched onto him, hoping he wouldn’t let me go anytime soon.


“You don’t have to go on” he murmured.


I gulped in some air and croaked out, “I feel like…I have to.”


I felt him press a kiss to my scalp, “Alright then.”


“When we were going through her things in her room we found a folder. A portfolio of sorts.” Another sob escapes and I just let them flow out. “She was making a portfolio for me for that freakin’ school in San Francisco. She always heard me complaining about this place and…and she was helping me go.”


“San Francisco?”


“Yeah…High school through college. I’m gonna go…for her…because she wanted me to.”




“Senior year” I whisper, wiping at my eyes. “I know it’s late but I need to go. I know she’d be proud.”


“She would” he murmured, kissing my hair again. “So you draw?”


“No, I write.”


“About what?”


“Just poetry” I shyly state. “It’s dumb stuff but she thought it was great. She also liked romance stories so that’s not saying much” I fumble a laugh. The memories of my little sister bring all types of emotions.


“I used to write too” he admits quietly.


“Why’d you stop?”


“I kept seeing things, memories. I felt that the words never came across correctly so I just started drawing them instead.”


“So that sketchbook you have is just filled with those memories?” I asked, craning my neck to look up at him. I was a bit surprised to see the red tinge cross his olive skin.


“There’s others” he murmured, suddenly sitting up and getting out of my bed.


“What are you…”


He reached into his bag and pulled out the sketchbook and came back to the bed, sitting beside me and helping me to sit up too. 


“I started this sketch of…um…” he flicked through the pages while I watched, biting onto my lip in anxiety. 


He opened widely on a page and my eyes softened. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him look over at me but I didn’t look back, I just gaped. It was beautiful and so well drawn.


“Is this me?” I merely whispered.


“Yeah. I started it the day after we…you know…for the first time.”


“It’s so good.”




That’s when I turned my head and I saw him still looking at me. I lifted my hand to his neck and brought his face closer to mine. When we kissed it was gentle an shy. He really knew how to bring angles out of me.


It brought a sort of dread out of me because I’d be leaving for San Francisco in half a year. I pushed the thought back because now that I knew I had six months to make this last, I’d make it worth every second.




Later that day when my mom came home Zayn was already gone. He told me that over the weekend, if I was up for it, he’d take me to his house to hang out instead. I was glad for the offer because I feel like I’ve been trapped in this place for far too long.


My mom told me that the guy who was driving the car that night was in jail but his sentence wasn't all that long. I didn’t even care anymore. Yes, I was a bit upset but what’s done is done. 


I felt my phone vibrating somewhere on my bed and it took me a while to find it. When I did I saw Zayn’s name across the screen. I smiled and answered it. 






“Um…” I slightly laughed, “Why’d you call?”


“Well my Mari left to some girls house” he groaned.


“Awe jealous?”


He snorted, “No, he just left me playing FIFA by myself.”


“It’s nine at night shouldn’t you be sleep for school?”


“At nine? You’re funny.”


“Well I actually have to get to bed. I have online class tomorrow.”


“Same time as school?”


I sighed, “Yeah, it sucks.”


“I can come over and help” he offered. I bit at my lip to stop the goofy smile. He sounded so hopeful.


“Maybe after school we can just do whatever. I have an appointment at one so anytime after that is fine.”


“Alright, I’ll bring my game system so I can teach you how to play.”


“I never said anything about video games.”


“Oh but you implied it. So yeah, see you tomorrow?”


“Yeah, Zayn” I laughed.






“Who were you talking to?”


I slightly shrieked and looked up to see my dad leaning against my door jam.


“Dad, you scared me.”


“I see” he lightly chuckled, “So who’s Zayn?”


“A…uh…a guy that I know.”


“Wow, I wouldn’t have ever guessed that” he feigned shock.


I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face. “He’s this guy that…” I looked back up at my dad and really tried to tell a lie. I really did but he’s just so intimidating. “…that I like.”


“Really?” his eyes widened. “Since when?”


“Jeez dad you’re embarrassing.”


“What?” he smiled. “I’ve really never heard you talk about any guys so I’m just a bit surprised.”


“Now that you know you can leave.”


“No way. We need to have the talk.”


My eyes widened, “Please no. You already ambushed me that one time in the gelato shop.”


“That was a mild talk.”


“Dad, you hammered me with STD questions.”


“Damn straight.”


I groaned and and palmed my forehead. “Please go. I rather talk with mom about it anyway.”


“Okay I just need to know that if you’re having sex you’re being safe.”




“Okay, I’m going, pushy” he mumbled. “Remember the ones that start with H are permanent” he quickly added and closed the door, just missing the pillow I threw his way.




“The ones that start with H are permanent?” Zayn laughed, clutching onto his stomach.


“It’s fact!”


“Yeah but it’s like a little guide to help you remember” he wiped at tears. “When did he ever tell you that in the first place.”


“In a gelato shop when I mentioned reading Fifty Shades Freed.”


“Didn’t know you were into those books.”


“Didn’t know I was a virgin either but you learn something new everyday.”


His laughing subsided as he passed me a controller. “You never told me how your appointment went.”


“I walked” I mumbled, not really wanting to talk about it.


“Really?” he said in wonder, twisting on my couch so he was facing me. “That’s a big deal.”


“Well I had those bar things to help me. I didn’t really do it on my own.”


“You still tried. You’re getting better.”


“You think so?”


“I know” he chastely kissed my cheek, “Now X is to score…”


I couldn’t even listen to the rest. That little kiss just about turned me red. So I just looked at him and nodded every now and then.


He was just about to start a game when I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him towards me. “I don’t wanna play anymore” I breathed out and fell back, taking him with me.


“O-okay” he stammered and instantly moaned when I connected our lips. He parted my legs and laid between them, holding an arm under the curve of my back to arch me towards him. With my fingers in his hair I deeply kissed him.


His hand started to roam up my shirt and mine down his pants, slightly squeezing his backside. 


“What the hell!”


I gasped and pushed at Zayn who clumsily moved from on top of me. 


I looked at who was standing at the end of the couch, looking ready to flip a lid. 


My dad.


“Uh…hey dad.”


He cut his eyes at me and then Zayn , then back to me.


“Let me guess” he said in an overly calm voice. “This is Zayn."

 A/N: So sorry it's been so long. I have two AP classes I'm stressing about and I've been doing theatre competitions. Don't worry though! Fall break is coming in three days and I'll be able to update then.

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