Losing It // z.m

“What would you say if I offered you my virginity?"
Mischievous. Adamant. Curious.
What else is there to describe a girl on a mission?

Warning: Graphic scenes / Adult language


9. Chapter 7

It was night and not being able to fall asleep sucked. It had something to do with the loud ass party a few houses down but there were lots of other reasons too.

I had people blowing up my Instagram DM’s with pics of my car that they vandalized and more pictures that just…it was too much.

I decided to call Autumn because even though all this shit was happening, I couldn’t blame her. During our conversation she told me that she was sorry for not keeping my not-so-secret and being a bitch at lunch.

So me and her are cool. 

I got out of bed, slipped on my slippers and went downstairs. I opened my backdoor and left to my overly large backyard. 

As if I wasn’t a loner now, laying under the stars makes it a bit worse but it gave me room to think. 


I gasped and looked up to see Zayn standing over me.

Of course. 

I quickly sat up and narrowed my eyes at him. “How the hell did you get back here?”

“The fence over there. You’re a really hard thinker” he said as he sat beside me. 

“Well leave” I spat, starting to get up but he took hold of my arm to keep me down. “Just stay, okay?”

“What do you want?”

“To talk.”

I sighed and laid back down in the dewy grass. “You know it’s weird how you show up as soon as I come out here.”

“I wasn’t stalking or anything. I just…I need to get something off my chest."

“I don’t think I want to talk to you right now” I nearly whispered, not sure if I was brave enough to say the words out loud. 

“You don’t seriously think that I’d tell the whole school-“

“Yeah but you told someone.” 

“My little brother for crying out loud” he breathed out.


“Y-yeah. He’s always saying how I…uh…”

“Need to get laid?” I offered.

“Yeah and I don’t know…I just blurted it out.”

I was quiet and thought a bit. Maybe it wasn’t so bad he told the only family member he seemed to acknowledge. “I thought…never mind.”

He bumped my hand in encouragement and whispered, “Say it.”

“I thought it wouldn’t have to be bragging a right…sleeping with me.”

“It’s not” he quickly explained. “I wasn’t bragging. I…was happy…I guess.”

I scrunched my eyebrows and turned my head to look over at him.

He looked over at me too and looked as if he was going to cry. “Orion I have to tell you something.”

I whispered, as if the loudest sound would make him cower away. “Okay.”

He closed his eyes and turned his head towards the sky again. “Fourteen years ago on this night” he started to breath heavily, “My mom was murdered and I…I was sold to a…to a sick, sick man.”

My mouth gaped in shock but now sound came out.

He rubbed his hands over his face and by his glistening skin I guess it was to rid of his tears. “Do you even want to hear more?” he croaked.

“Only if you want to tell me.”

“I’ve never told anyone” he mumbled, “it makes it better though.”

“Then tell me” I murmured.

“My dad gambled a lot, was drunk a lot. We had to move around lots of times because we kept losing our house. There was this night…”

I grabbed onto his hand to silently tell him that i was there for him, listening.

“He hadn’t been there since the night before and my mom was worried. We went around town to find him. It took all night with Mari in his baby carrier until we just gave up and went home.” He sniffled and used his free hand to wipe the tears away.

“There were these men in our house…waiting on us. They told my mom to put Mari in his crib and when she came back from doing that they…th-they…they killed her r-right in front of me.”

He broke into sobs and I just squeezed his hand --and my eyes --tighter. "They said they’d come to ‘collect their dues’. That fucking idiot betted on us.”


“They took me me and sold me to one of the men they worked for. He was sick, so sick. He touched me…so many times and I couldn’t do anything about it because I was only a kid. I was only four!”

I rolled onto my side and held him, wrapping my arm around him. His heart beat was loud against my ear and it nearly made me gasp. 

“Tell me what happened after that…tell me what made it better” i insisted.

“A year or so after, my dad came and took me back but he never…he never apologized, never even put the guy in jail. He just paid him and and traded me back. He got Mari from the foster system and we moved here…to The States. It never got better, it never will.”

“Don’t say that” I croaked.

“It’s true. As long as that guy is wherever he is…I can’t stop this fear that builds in my chest every year.” 

I leaned up on my elbow and looked down at his sullen face. I grasped his jaw in my hand and whispered. “I am so sorry. Sorry it happened to you and sorry you live with this fear everyday but Zayn you have to understand that…that man is someplace else probably rotting away in a whole different country.”

He shook his head and sat up, making me plop back onto my back. 

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” He got up and started walking off.

I shot up and paced after him. “Zayn, I do understand I’m just trying to make you feel better ab-“

He whipped around and yelled, “There is no ‘feeling better’ Orion! I’ve had the worst start at anything I could ever imagine and there is no getting over it. He took that away from me!” He turned and kept walking until he was out of my back yard.

I stood there not knowing what to do until I heard his car engine start. I ran out of my backyard and to the drive way where he was pulling out. “Zayn wait!”

I heard the muffled sound of my mom inside the house, “Winter? Winter why are you out there?”

I ignored her and kept screaming for Zayn. I even ran into the street after him. My stupid neighbors’ party was out of control I swear.

“Would you just stop and talk to me for a second!”

He drove off and I felt like something was really ripped out of my chest…my pride maybe.

Then I heard a horn…

Then white…

Then black…

Then pain…

Then ...“Orion!"

A/N: You might care...I saw The Bae's (One Direction) in concert two weeks ago in Charlotte. Best night ever! And this past week I've had a Danish exchanged student living with me so yes, I've been busy. Her name's Emma...she's awesome!


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