Losing It // z.m

“What would you say if I offered you my virginity?"
Mischievous. Adamant. Curious.
What else is there to describe a girl on a mission?

Warning: Graphic scenes / Adult language


7. Chapter 5

You see…I’m the same person. 


Virgin or not I’m still gonna be Winter Orion Shadows. I may just be a little less pure but let’s face it, I wasn’t cut out for pure.


I make myself laugh.


Anyway, so here I am panting like a dog in heat after the best, let’s say ten minutes, of my life.


I didn’t really deserve the happiness it gave me but I basked in it.


I looked to the side and locked eyes with Zayn who was creepily already looking at me. “Thanks.”


A slow cocky smile spread on his face. “For what?” 


I reached across and slapped his shoulder. “Don’t play dumb.”


“I’m kidding.” He paused, biting at his lip before saying, “You don’t have to thank me. I should be thanking you?”


“For what? Giving you the goods?”


“Well…Yeah. Your virginity is a gift and you…you gave it to me of all people.


I shook my head and looked back up at my ceiling. 

“Yeah, I guess.”


“Um…about your sister” he suddenly said, making my heart nearly stop. “Was her name Indi?”


I slowly nodded, “Indus, yeah. W-why are you asking me this?”


"My brother, Mari, remembered her from youth camp. When I mentioned you, he brought her up.”


“Yeah” I croaked, “She liked going to those summer camps. To get out of here for a while.” I sniffled but didn’t let any tears fall. I didn’t deserve to cry.


“What happened?” he softly said.


“No no no” I said as I shook my head “I’m not…I don’t want to talk about it.”


“Okay, I’m sorry for bringing it up.”


Then there was quiet. Nothing. Just thoughts.


“So…now what?”


Now what? I hope he’s not expecting- Oh goodness.


“Well, my mom get’s here in an hour or so and it would be really awkward if she saw us” I nervously laughed.


“Yeah” he breathed out and then suddenly sat up. 


I watched as he prepared to leave and I…I don’t know.

I felt funny.


It was almost like I wanted him to stay.



“Did you…um.” I tried to sit up but my aching lower muscles prevented me. “Did you hear about that party at Lexington’s?”


“Nah, not really my scene.”


“Oh…Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow” I stated, more confused that ever. He had his clothes on and I…I was left in my bed, naked, wanting.


From his profile I saw him bite his lip and his brow crease. 






The next day at school I was quiet up until third period. 


That night, after Zayn left, I soaked in a hot bath. I had a tingly feeling in my belly and it made me want him again. My mother asked about my day and I said ‘Different’ because…well…it was. I smiled more than I ever did and I was truly happy.


More happy than I deserve.


Now that I take notes in Bio class I can’t help but look over my shoulder at Zayn. I can tell he’s not taking notes by the way his worst flicks over his paper. 


He suddenly looks up and stops his sketching, locking eyes with me. I send a small smile his way and he gives one in return.


I turn back around and continue my notes. 


After the bell rings for the end of class I gather my things and head to Mrs. Costore’s desk. 


“I need a recommendation letter for the academy I’m going to. I’m gonna take AP Bio and I need to get accepted into it.”


“And you’re asking me because…”


This bitch. “I’m asking because you’re a high ranked biology teacher” I said through gritted teeth.


“Wait so you’re leaving to an academy? When?”


“Next year.”


“Why are you joining another school your senior year?”


Because it’s what my sister wanted. “I like it up there in San Francisco and…it’s a nice school.”


“Alright, I’ll write one. 


“Thank you” I said, discreetly rolling my eyes and leaving the room.


I was walking down the halls to my fourth period class when I heard a whispering from behind me. I turned to see two freshman girls looking at me with wide eyes.


“Do I know you?” I snapped.


The little one was shocked while the more stubbier one quirked her nose at me and sassily said. “Nope, but we know you” and walked away.




French was boring. Just a test that I’m sure I aced. 


Now that school was out and I was headed to my car I was really in the mood for something sweet. I hope the frozen yogurt shop doesn’t close early today. 


I unlocked my car and right when I was going to get in I saw Zayn’s car right next to mine. He was in in the drivers side with earphones in, leaning against the seat with his eyes closed.


I knocked on passenger window but he didn’t hear me. I opened the door and plopped in.


Instant burst of MJ.


I yanked out his earplug and watched in amusement as he jumped with wide eyes. 


“What the hell, Orion?” he shouted.


“Since when did you smoke?”


He rolled his bloodshot eyes and rolled his phone in his earplug cords.


“So let me get this straight. You skipped fourth period to get high? Why would you do that? Don’t you have Calc or something?”


“How do you know that?”


“I have my resources. Answer the question.”


“Yeah I skipped fourth to get high.”




“I have a lot on my mind right now and Calc isn’t gonna help.”


“Well…Do you-uh- do you wanna talk about it?”


“No, Oprah, I don’t” he lightly laughed.


“How about a frozen yogurt? Those are always good.”


“Yeah, yogurt is fine.”




“Pina colada again?”


He shrugged, “Yeah, why not.”


“I make it my mission to get a different flavor every trip.”


“What a plan” he mumbled, looking down at his cup.


I shift awkwardly in my seat and sigh. “So…”


“Orion, why am I here?” he suddenly snapped.


I was taken aback by his sudden bite and bit at my lip to stop myself from saying something I’d regret. “Well…don’t you need someone to talk to?”


He humorlessly laughed and shook his head, “What…we’re friends now?”


“What the hell is wrong with you?”


“Let’s not act like we’re close.You’ve only started talking to me a few days ago and that was for a favor.”


“Well I thought…”


What did you think, Orion? 


I swallowed my feelings like a bitter pill and continued, “I thought we’d be more cordial with one another. Like…what if I needed another favor?”


His eyes suddenly narrowed, “Like what?”


“So hypothetically speaking, what if I just so happened to be horny? You’re only a phone call away.”


“Hypothetically speaking?” he said with a slight quirk to the edge of his mouth.


I shrugged and put a spoonful of vanilla treat into my mouth. “If I said I was horny right now what would you say?”


He bit at his lip and suddenly stood up. “I’d say we go fix that problem…Hypothetically speaking."



The backseat of Zayn’s car is so sexy. I’d know because I’m currently pantiless with Zayn kissing down my neck…in the back of his sexy car.


“Zayn…I…um” I paused to swallow down nerves. “I’m still a bit sore from yesterday” I admitted. 


He suddenly stopped the kisses and looked down at me.


“That doesn’t mean stop.”


“You just said-“ 


I cut him off again, “Just a warning.”


His eyebrow scrunched and in one quick movement he was sat back and I was straddling him. I blinked a few times to gather my wits. 

“What are you doing?”




“You want to do it…this way?”


“Don't be nervous” he lightly chuckled, caressing me by the hip. My skirt was all bunched up at my hips and Zayn’s pants were just low enough to make everything happen.


I reached down and took his hardened length into my hand.


“Whoa there” he said, lifting my hand. “Let me just grab…” He reached forward and around my back and once his back was settled back he held a condom between his fingers.


He opened it and rolled the translucent rubber onto himself. 




I let out a breath before leaning onto my knees and then slowly lowering myself onto him.




“Ahhh” I breathed out. I circled my hips until he was completely inside of me and…wow.


“Zayn” I gasped, clutching onto his shoulders.


This was way better…much deeper.


“Orion, you have to move” he gritted out, grasping my hips and encouraging me to move them. 


“Nooo” I moaned, “So much better.”


After a while of just circling my hips I rose and fell onto him, crying out my pleasure. “Oh!”


My head dropped onto my his shoulder as I kept my pace, lowly moaning every now and then.


“Oh shit” Zayn breathed out and leaned his head back on the head rest. 


A sense of pride washed over me. Knowing that I was making him feel this way.


I lifted my head and looked down at him, plunging down and abruptly circling my hips.


“Fuuuck” he moaned. My mouth was gaped open as I vocalized what I was feeling.


“Oh” I whimpered, “Baby.” And crushed my mouth onto his.


His hand traveled up my back and into my hair as we ravished each others mouths. I was close…so close.


I went faster, moaning crazily against his lips. His other hand searched under my dress and in a burst of pleasure his thumb rubbed over my sensitive flesh.


I cried out as my hips crazily bucked and an orgasm ripped through me. “Oh!…Zayn…Awhhh.”


“Shit, shit, shit” I heard him chant over the blood rushing through my ears and then he stilled inside of me with a grunt.




My head dropped to his shoulder again as I tried to regain my breath. My chin digging into his muscle. I took in a deep breath and a musky scent filled my breath.


I sniffed again and pressed my nose further into his seats head rest. “Damn, your call smells sexy” i murmured.


“What?” I heard him chuckled, slowly lifting me from on top of him.


I saw him remove the condom, tie it and toss it out the cracked window. “Real classy.”


He laughed as he lifted his pants. I looked around and frowned at the little amount of light in his car. Tinted windows and shit.


“Where are my panties?”


“Don’t know.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and shifted so he’d lay me on the back seat, him on top of me. With his head now on my chest I sighed out in content.


Don’t be happy. Get the hell out of there. 


I ignored the voice in my head and clutched onto the back of Zayn’s shirt.


“I’m about to pass out” he whispered from above me. I lightly smiled, feeling about the same.


I heard his soft breaths and decided I could sneak out. That would be hard though considering I’m in a damn car.


I looked around for my phone when something on the floor behind the drivers seat caught my eye. It was Zayn’s school bag and barely peeking out was his green sketchbook. 


I reached over and slowly took it out, leaving it on the floor so I could look through it. I know it was wrong but I was curious.


The first page was…disturbing. It was of a bloody hand with the blood dripping down the wrist as it seemed to be reaching up. 


I quietly turned to the next and my eyes widened. Masked faces with black eyes.


I went through page after page, gulping at the fact that he was gifted at sketching the most disturbing things.


I slowly turned to another page and just as I saw a peek of a normal sketch of an eye and hair, a firm hand grabbed my wrist and made me freeze.


A low growl sounded from above me. “What..The Hell..Are You..Doing?"


Oh shit.

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