I was so wrong. I couldn't do this. What was I thinking when I said that I was going to be okay here?
I ran into the girl's bathroom with short and quick breaths. Thank god no one was in here. I slammed open the stall door and stumbled inside. I closed and locked the stall door and finally let my hyperventilation begin.
'Pathetic, Worthless, Pathetic, Worthless'
Those two words ran through my head as I couldn't control my irregular breathing. My hands went up to my head and hid my throbbing between my legs. I just wanted these thoughts to go away. I wanted to be normal. I didn't want to have to run into the bathroom when I speak to people or if I get to overwhelmed. I wanted to be confident but I guess I wished for too much.
Heavy tears ran down my face.
I wasn't hyperventilating anymore but was still sobbing, hysterically.
I couldn't continue school being like this. Sooner or later, people will realize how pathetic and a freak I am and leave me. I will end up with no friends. I will end up being labelled as the school freak or the girl who has social 'issues'.
My biggest fear is rejection or humiliation. Maybe that's why I am so nervous around people.
My social anxiety started when I started middle school but I didn't have anything to worry about because I had Riley and Carmen. I didn't have to make new friends because I had them but now since I'm at LA, I don't have Carmen or Riley. I'm by myself.
I've never felt so lonely.
Ivy rushed out of the lunch room without a word. Maisie looked like she knew what was happening and started to stand up.
"Wait, what just happened?" I asked Maisie, which caused her to freeze in her spot.
"It's okay Dylan." Maisie looked concerned and scared.
"I want to know what happened." I stated with my eye brows furrowed. I was worried and confused. All four of us were having a lovely chat and Ivy was starting to finally open up to us.
When Liam started asking questions about her personal life, Ivy looked like she was having trouble breathing and ran out.
I stood up.
"I can't tell you Dylan, she needs to be the one to tell you." Maisie looked down at the ground. I saw Liam's hand land on-top of hers.
"How do you even know? You barely know her."
"I know that but I got her to talk at break." I shook my head.
"I'm going to get her." Maisie looked at me with fear.
"I don't think-"
"You can't stop me." I said then walked out of the lunchroom.
Now where would a scared girl go? I walked towards her locker and looked around. She was nowhere in sight.
The thought of her going into the bathroom flashed my mind. I walked towards the bathroom that was located on our floor. I opened the girl's bathroom door.
"Hello? Ivy?" No answer. I opened all the stall doors. The bathroom was completely deserted. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. I left the bathroom and went up the stairs.
She might be on the other bathroom. I went inside the bathroom and repeated my previous actions by calling her name out and opening all the stall doors. She still wasn't here. I left the bathroom and walked around the hall.
Where the hell is she?
I thought about all the different bathrooms that were in the school. I racked my brain and tried to think of which one she might've thought no one would locate her.
The gym bathroom.
No one ever used that bathroom, only if we had PE. I doubt anyone would be in there, except her, so I walked (more like ran) to the gym. I pushed open the door and found no one in here.
Just like I suspected.
I jogged towards the bathroom. I placed my ear against the door to see if anyone was actually in there. I didn't want to accidentally walk in a bathroom full of half naked girls, even though I wouldn't complain if I did.
I heard loud sobs. I instantly pushed open the door to find all the stalls open but one. The sobs instantly stopped.
I heard her throat clear and a clear sniffle.
"H-hey. Sorry about e-earlier. I-I'll be out in s-sec." She stuttered nervously.
I heard her shuffling around then the door opened.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I didn't want to ask her if she was okay if I already knew the answer. It would be pointless.
"N-not really. I'm fine."
"No you're not. You don't have to lie about this because I'm not a guy to judge. It's okay to cry sometimes as long as you have a shoulder and fortunately for you, I have a shoulder that is free." I took a step towards her. I didn't want to hover around her but I wanted to be close so she knew how much I cared about her, even if I barely knew her. Something about her made me want to be close.
"Thank you." She squeaked out.
"Come with me." I said as I took her hand. She flinched from contact which made me draw my hand back. She looked embarrassed from her tension and took my hand again. She squeezed it. I smiled at her and led her out of the bathroom. I navigated her towards the exit of the gym and to the track that was directly behind the school. I took her across the track and to a large oak tree that was barely standing in the way back beside the woods. It was isolated away from the school and a perfect place for no one to interrupt us.
We both took a seat on the grass. I sat in front of her, my back facing the school.
"I'm not pressuring you to talk but you can if you want."
"I don't think I'm ready." I saw the panic in her eyes as she looked sick.
"That's fine." I said with a small smile. I looked down and pulled at the grass as it was a habit of mine that I do when I sat on grass. I looked back up at her with a handful of grass.
"How are you liking school so far?" I just wanted to make simple talk to make her comfortable with me.
"It's going just fine so far. I miss home so much but I guess I gotta deal with the new change and everything." This was the first time she didn't stutter when talking to me. The idea of her getting used to me made me smile a toothy grin.
"Well I can assure you that with me by your side that school will totally rock. I mean, I'm just too awesome for you not to have a good year." She laughed at my comment and bit her lip. She was nervous.
"I bet." She replied softly.
"You wanna hear a joke?"
"What shoes do pedophiles wear?" I asked with a proud smile. I wanted to hear her laugh again and I bet that my cheesy pun would get at least a giggle from her.
"What?" She picked at the grass, like me.
"White Vans. You get it? Cause pedophiles drive... yeah" I said as her laugh filled the air which caused a chuckle to escape my lips.
"Very Unique Dylan." She bit her lip again. I ran my hand through my hair and smiled.
"I know I am."
Her smile was suddenly replaced with a frown.
"What did I say?" I said as I straightened my back.
"I don't want to feed you lies Dylan."
"What are you talking about?"
"This. This isn't m-me. I h-have to tell you." Her stuttering was back. She was snapped back into reality. I leaned forward and grabbed her hand.
"You don't have to Ivy. It's fine if you want to get to know me better before spilling your guts out to me. We did just meet so take your time Ivy. I'm not just gonna leave you like a asshole, okay?" I squeezed her hands then let go.
"Okay." I smiled at her and she smiled a sad smile back. A single tear escaped her eye. She shook her head and smiled wider. I could see the fakeness of her smile lacing through her eyes. She was hurting and I wanted to know why. I felt like I've known her forever just by the connection and sparks that flew through me. This feeling I felt was different than any feeling I've felt before. It scared me but got me excited. I wanted to know what was the cause of her pain but knew to let her adapt towards me and give her the time she needs.
"Thanks Dylan, really."
"It's nothing, just take your time." I saw her eyes shoot back behind me. I turned around and saw Liam and Maisie walking towards us, hand in hand.
"Hey guys, we just wanted to see what you two were up to and Liam here was missing Dylan." Maisie said as they both sat down. I saw that Ivy didn't want to end our conversation but let it go. To be honest, I didn't either. If i could, I would talk to her for hours.
I looked at Dylan one last time before entering my dad's car. He smiled widely at me and waved. I smiled back and gave him a short wave then shut the car door. My dad drove off.
"How was your first day of school?" He asked while turning down the radio that was now playing 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus.
"It was pretty tough in the beginning but found myself adapting to the people and the place at the end."
"Well that's really good to hear. Who was that boy who was waving at you earlier?"
"That's Dylan. He took me around the building and showed me around." A smile instantly lit up on my face as I thought about him. He was actually growing on me. He kinda broke the shield I placed on him and his friends.
"You like him?"
"He's alright." I replied, thinking my dad was talking about me liking him in a friend way.
"Does he like you back?" Realization hit me as I knew what my dad was indicating. He knew I've never had a boyfriend and has always pushed me into the dating factor of life.
"Dad!" I groaned out.
"I wasn't talking about it like that. He's just starting to be my friend. This is the first day you know!"
"I'm just pushing your buttons sweetie." He pulled up to the hotel. He parked in a spot and we both got out of the tall car. I got my backpack and entered the hotel behind my dad. We went in the elevator and pressed the 5. We both stood silently on different ends of the elevator. I twiddled my thumbs as the light piano soundtrack danced through the small lift. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. We both stepped out and walked to our room that was at the end of the corridor. He opened the door with the key and we entered the room, me going behind him. The room looked the same as we left it this morning, maybe a bit cleaner as the beds were made and the towels were switched.
"What are your requests for dinner?" My dad asked as he slipped off his shoes.
"I'm craving Chinese really badly right now." I followed his actions and took off my shoes.
"Chinese it is then. Do you want to go out or stay in and get take out?"
"I was thinking that we could maybe get take out and eat our food on the beach if that was okay with you."
"Of course it is. It's a date then."
"Gross!" I said with a light slap to his arm. His deep chuckle filled the room as he plopped on the bed. I stretched and left the hotel room and to the outside balcony with a book in my hand. I sat down on the lawn chair and propped my feet up on the table that was outside as well. I breathed in the salty filled air and breathed out, to clear my mind. I looked down at my lap to find my book that I was about to read. I was going to start 'An Abundances of Katherines' by John Green. I opened the book and escaped the reality.
The head cheerleader named Caroline pushed me against the wall and sealed our lips. I automatically responded to her as my little friend made a appearance. Currently, we were in her room, making out against her bright pink walls that were scattered with boy band posters. My large hands found her back and pulled her closer to me so that she could feel the huge boner that was happening below us.
"Bed." She growled out against my lip as she pulled me to her queen sized bed. She flipped us over so that I was on the bottom and she was straddling me. She unattached our lips and winked. Her small hands went up to her button up shirt and seductively unbuttoned it. I bit my lip with anticipation as my throbbing boner couldn't wait any longer. She threw off her shirt and smirked. She leaned down slowly and was about to connect our lips again but her phone rang. She groaned loudly and got up off of me and grabbed her phone off her bedside table.
"Yes?" She snapped.
"Oh hey baby!" She squealed with excitement. My eyebrows furrowed as I got up in a sitting position.
"Nothing! I'm just talking to you silly."
"Awwe I miss you too baby!" I shook my head. I was a jerk and a asshole but I wasn't going to let this slut cheat on her boyfriend with me. I stood up and started to put on my shoes.
"Oh okay! I miss you sooo much and guess what?"
"I loveee you!" She sang then hung up the phone. She looked back at me and gave me a questioning look.
"Where are you going Dylan?" She said in a super high pitched voice. Her voice was now annoying me.
"You have a boyfriend so I'm just gonna leave." I said then backed away.
"W-We have an open relationship!" She stammered out as her clammy hands reached out for me. Realization hit me as I realized that I was about to sleep with her.
"So? I'm just going to go so don't bother texting me!" I yelled over my shoulder as I walked out of her room. I grimaced as she was trying to seduce me again by touching me up. That definitely killed my boner. I left her house and got in my jeep. I put the keys in and drove out of her driveway.
I arrived to the beach with a loud sigh. I was sexually frustrated and pissed off. I really hated girls like that. Girls who had boyfriends and think that I wouldn't care but I do. Cheaters like that cheerleader is the reason why I don't date. My first and only girlfriend cheated on me with my ex best friend because she thought we had an 'open relationship'. I don't even know what made her think that. We were dating for 5 months and I was loyal to her. I thought I was starting to fall for her but she broke my heart by cheating on my ex best friend. Since then, I haven't dated a girl. I never want to feel that way again.
I got out of my jeep and walked down to the shore. I shoved my hands in my front pocket and kicked off my shoes. I walked down and started to clear my mind of everything that just happened. From the beginning of school to the end. How I met Ivy today.
She was really different. She had something going on and she wasn't like most girls who rushed to tell me so that I had pity sex with her. She didn't even seem like she was interested in me like most girls. She wasn't giving off the intentions of having sex with me either which was actually nice. She seemed nice too. I just hope she isn't a slut pretending to be nice and innocent to get with me.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and started to jog, my khakis constricting me to run any faster. I ran along the water and let the adrenaline kick in my bones. I forced myself to stop and started unbuttoning my shirt. I took my shirt off and started to undo my pants. I grabbed my clothes and slung it over my shoulder. I walked towards a close by beach shop and bought myself another pair of swin trunks and pulled it over my boxer briefs. I tied my shirt around my waist and just placed my khakis on my shoulders again. I started to run again, this time running more freely.
I ran about a mile before losing my breath and stopped to take a break. I looked around and took in the beach scenery and the salty scent. I looked to my left and saw a huge hotel with tons of balconies. This was the first hotel I saw so far. I looked at all the rooms and saw a old lady, asleep on a chair. I saw another person who was very interested in her book. She had her headphones in and was bobbing her head a little. Those were the only two people who were actually outside. The old lady snorted loudly and sat up with a look of alarm. She looked around to see if anyone saw her. Her eyes met mine and widened them.
"Hi Ma'am!" I yelled with a wave and a light laugh.
"Hello!" She yelled back before rushing back into her suite. I laughed again which caused random joggers to look at me, weirdly. I looked back at the hotel and found interest in the girl who was reading. I couldn't quite see her face but I was interested.
"Hey!" I yelled to the girl. She couldn't hear due to the fact that her headphones were in. I picked up a small rock that was on the ground and aimed it towards her. I threw the rock and it ended up hitting the back of her book.
She looked up and looked around. It was Ivy. My heart suddenly started to beat rapidly.
"Hey!" I yelled again. She heard me and looked in my direction. I waved my hands and she finally found me. She sat her book and iPod down.
"H-hey." She called back. I motioned for her to come down and she nodded her head. I smiled and turned around to look at the beach.
I sat down.
Soon after, she ran down the beach and over to me. She sat down beside me and hugged her knees.
"Hey." I said to her.
"H-Hi. Are you s-stalking me now?" She stuttered.
I laughed and shook my head.
"No, I was just running and I saw you reading."
"O-Oh." She stuttered out with a look of embarrassment.
"Why are you shy around me again? Open up!" I said and leaned on her. She instantly fell on her side. I got up quickly with a laugh.
"You okay?" she laughed as well and nodded her head.
"I still find it creepy that you found me." She said after a while.
"Well stalking is my specialty." She turned her attention towards me and smiled with a cute giggle.
"I can see that."
"So, why are you staying in a hotel?"
"We don't have any furniture."
"Oh, that sucks. Where is your house?"
"It's the huge house down by the pier. It's not that far." My eyes widened.
"Damn Ivy, how rich are you?"
"Your house is pretty expensive. It's been on the market for ages because no one could really afford it. My mom wanted that house but it was too expensive for us."
"Wow, I didn't know that." I looked at her and noticed how flustered she looked. I don't think she realized how rich her family was till then.
"You wanna go swimming?" I asked, switching the conversation to a more comfortable topic.
"I don't r-really swim."
"Why not? You afraid of the water?" I noticed her swimsuit that was under her shorts and shirt.
"N-No. I just don't find swimming enjoyable." I could tell she was lying as she was avoiding my eye contact and the way her body tensed.
"Then why are you wearing your bathing suit?"
"Why not? I am on the beach."
"Yeah, you are. The beach is suppose to be for us to swim. Now, c'mon." I stood up and dusted my butt off. I reached my hand down in front of her. She looked at my hand then up at me. She sighed but grabbed my hand. I helped her stand up and she dusted her butt off too. I pulled her towards me and dragged her slowly towards the beach.
"Aren't you going to take off your shirt and shorts?" I asked while untying my shirt that was around my waist.
"Y-Yeah." She stuttered and detached herself from me. She reached down and slowly unbuttoned her shorts. She slipped them off and pulled her shirt down farther down her leg. I could tell that she was trying to cover up.
She was self-conscious.
I reached my hand down to the bottom of her shirt and looked her straight in the eyes. Her body tensed up and she stared back at me. I was mesmerized in her eyes. I pulled her shirt above her head and threw it on the ground, never leaving my eyes off of hers. I could see she was at loss of words. I pulled away from her, before I was going to do something I was going to regret. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the water. Her free arm covered up her stomach as she was embarrassed. We entered the water and she shut her eyes tightly. I laughed and pulled her into the water. A slight squeal escaped her mouth as the water went to her waist. I dragged her deeper into the water as she was shaking.
"If you go all the way in the water, you won't be as cold." I said with a laugh. It was amusing to watch her struggle. She let go of my hand and ducked under the water. She came back a second after and let out a loud gasp.
"It's so cold!" Her eyes were wide and her arms were still around her body that was littered with goosebumps. I chuckled and neared her. I enveloped her in a hug and rubbed her arms with my hands. Her body tensed but relaxed right after. She leaned into me and laid her head on my chest.
"Y-Yeah." She stuttered then stepped away from me. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and she went back in the water. She started to swim away from me.
"Hey, Where are you going?"
"C'mon!" She yelled over he shoulder then went underwater. I shook my head with a huge smile and started to swim after her.
We were now really deep. The water went up to my upper part of my neck. Since Ivy was shorter than me, the water was past her head so she had to swim to stay above.
"You need help?" I asked as the light waves rocked me back and fourth.
"N-No." She was shivering again. I grabbed her by the waist, which made her freeze completely, and pulled her towards me. Her arms quickly covered her stomach. I then made the move to hold her.
"Why are you hiding?"
"I-I'm not." She stammered and tightened her arms around her.
"Do you want to know something?" I asked while looking at her in the eyes.
"S-Sure." We were really close now.
"You're extremely beautiful." I said with a little smile. Her eyes widened and she shook her head.
"What?" I asked.
"I hate liars." She whispered. She was no longer looking at me and now looking at her arms that were still wrapped around her body.
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." I put my pointer finger under her chin and made her look at me. Her face was unreadable.
My face neared hers.
She looked down at my lips and I looked at hers. I got closer but her hand went on my cheek.
"W-We c-can't." She let go of me and went underwater again. I sighed and knew she was right. We met this morning. She could have a boyfriend for fucks sake. She got back above water and smiled at me. She started to swim away and I watched her.
At this moment, I knew she was different than any girl I knew. I wanted her and not sexually. I shook my head and thought to myself that I was crazy. I started to swim and left my thoughts back in the ocean.