My parents got divorced. I left my two best friends. I moved with my dad to LA which meant a new beginning. I wasn't going to fall in love. I foreboded myself of getting heartbroken. Then I meet a guy. A infuriating guy that stole my heart, crushed it, then mended it. Our cycle runs over and over again till I break completely. I find myself dying then I get released by my knight and shining armor but he wasn't really my knight. I then find myself starting over again. My life was one fucked up circle.


1. A new start

I entered the new house that I was supposed to call my new home. It was massive compared to my old home which was probably half the size of this new house. 
"Ivy, can you help me with these suitcases?" I heard my dad yelling from the car. I turned around and gently sat down my purse and went outside to help my father. I grabbed my own suitcase from the taxi and lugged it inside the house. My father followed with two other suitcases and a backpack. The taxi then drove away. 
"So our furniture and other stuffed we packed won't get here for two weeks. I guess we could rent a hotel room for the time being and stay there so that we both have beds." My dad suggested. I nodded silently. 
"When do I start school?" I asked in a tiny voice. I haven't spoken much to my father since we boarded the plane earlier today. 
"In two days sweetie." He sighed after and unzipped his suitcase. 
I could feel my heart accelerating as my social anxiety caught up to me. I was hoping that I could leave my anxiety back in New York but old habits don't leave. I bit my lower lip. 
"Just wait a little and we can go find a nearby hotel, okay?" I nodded my head and breathed out shakily. I could already tell that I wasn't going to like it here. I opened my purse and grabbed my headphones and iPod. I plugged it in and put the song 'Heart On Fire' by Passenger (song on the side if you want to listen to it). I walked over to the staircase that led upstairs and trailed up them. I tucked my iPod in my pocket. When I reached upstairs, I saw three four doors. I walked down the hallway and entered the first door at the end of the hallway. It was a large white walled room. I was guessing it was going to be my dad's room since the size of it. I looked around and saw there was a connecting bathroom. I left his room and peeked inside the room across his door. It was a small room which dad was probably going to turn into a upstairs study. I closed the door and went to the next room beside the mini study. It was another big room, slightly smaller than the master bedroom, with light purple walls which I was going to change probably. There was a connecting bathroom as well which had a shower, sink, and toilet. There was also another door in the room which led to a balcony which I could only access. It faced the ocean which I was very happy about. I could go there when I needed to think, which is a lot. I left my room and quickly looked in the one across mine. It was the guest bedroom. I went back downstairs and saw my dad on his computer. 
"How did you get internet?" I asked, still in a tiny voice. 
"I asked the neighbors if I could use it for a short time. They gave me there password and said I had an hour or less. Quite demanding right?" He laughed lightly. I left him and went to the backyard. There was a large pool which also faced the ocean. I really liked the house that my dad got. I guess since my mom and him are divorced, he has more money now. My mom would buy a lot of useless things quite a Lot. She does have a job but a low paying one. She was very dependent on my dad but they eventually stopped getting along and got divorced which left me to decide which parent I was going to stay with. I was always daddy's little girl so I chose my dad. It was a hard decision but I think my mom needs to get emotionally and money stable. If I stayed with her, I would think that we both would be struggling. My dad who works for a well payed company can be stable for probably a full family of 6 or more. He was rich and when I say rich, I mean filthy rich. I was actually surprised that he got the house that we have now and not a bigger one but I don't think that we could handle a bigger house than this one. I'm just a tight spaced person. I like to be in my own bubble. I did have friends back in New York by the way, if you thought I was a loner. I had Carmen who is my best friend and Riley who is my best guy friend. I had to leave them both after many tears shed between us three. It was quite depressing actually. All three of us spent our last night at Riley's house. We cuddled on his bed and sobbed loudly as they both gave me a huge speech about our friendship and how they were gonna miss me. Basically, it was an emotional train wreck. I both gave them kisses and hugs then left them, promising that they had to come visit me and vice versa. Best friends for life right?

I shook my head to rid of these depressing thoughts and entered the house again. 
"Sweetie, I booked us at a nearby hotel which is also located on the beach so let's get our stuff and go!" He said with another warm smile. I smiled a small smile and followed after him with my own luggage. He left one suitcase at the house. 
"We can always come back and forth from the hotel and the house. Okay?" I nodded my head. A taxi shortly pulled up and my dad put my luggage in the trunk. 
"Where to?" The taxi driver asked. 
My dad told him the address and the driver started driving. They both then started to make small talk. I put my headphones back in and listened to 'Scare Away the Dark' by Passenger. I'm obsessed with them. I leaned my head against the window and watched the lights that came from the beach.




I entered our hotel room which I must say was huge. It looked more like a condo than a hotel room. I threw my purse onto my bed and laid my suitcase beside my bed. 

"We are going to eat dinner in about an hour." My dad said then started unpacking his suitcase. I went to the balcony and left the hotel room and sat down on a lawn chair. I looked out at the ocean and breathed out, shakily. I gripped the bottom of my sweatshirt and finally let the tears I was holding on the plane go. I brought my knees up to me and wrapped my arms around my legs. I rested my head on my knees and cried, quietly. I didn't want my dad to see or hear me. I just let go of everything. I let go of my best friends. I let go of my mom and New York. I put everything behind me and tried to focus on the future, even if it's painful. LA was my new home and I needed to accept that. I had to accept that I needed to make new friends. I pulled myself together and I wiped my tears on the back of my sleeve. I breathed out again and stood up. I left the balcony and entered the hotel room again. I saw my dad on the phone, probably talking business. I walked over to my suitcase and unzipped it. I searched my suitcase and found my floral jeans and maroon tank top. I also grabbed my light pink sweater. I went into the bathroom that my dad and I had to share for the next two weeks and changed clothes ( <--- outfit). I reapplied my mascara and brushed my hair into a side braid. I put some chap stick and then left the bathroom to find my dad putting his socks and shoes on, still on the phone. I reached down and put on my own black flats.
"Okay, Bye" I heard my dad say then place his phone back into his pocket. 
I looked at him. 
"You ready to go?" I nodded my head and stood up. I pulled my sweater sleeves down past my hands and followed him out the door. I bit my lower lip and breathed out, trying to calm myself. 

We stepped outside and into the LA beach air. We walked down the sidewalk in silence. I tried not to get too close to him but stayed by his side. There were many groups of people walking and talking loudly. I was jealous of their confidence in talking and laughing in public. 
We found a cute little burger place about a two minute walk away from the hotel. We entered the restaurant which a little ding came from the door. We took a seat at a booth by the window. More groups of people walked by, some drunk. I sighed quitely. I automatically picked up the menu and saw the different choices I had to choose from. I saw avacado burger as one of the choices and put my menu back down. Avacado was my weakness. My dad put down his menu as well and looked at me. I looked back which caused awkward and tense air to form. 
"Are you okay?" He asked first. 
I nodded. 
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's cool here." I lied. 
"You don't have to lie to me Ivy. You can tell me what's running trough your mind." He said then placed his hands on top of mine. I tensed up which caused him to quickly tkae his hands off. I shakily placed my hands back in my lap and looked down.
"I just left my friends and the place I call home. I'm just confused." I finally said. I didn't really want to get into what I was thinking. 
"You can always make just as amazing friends here and we can adapt to this new place and call it our home. Home is where family is." He said quietly, upset about our previous actions.   

'There's no mom' I thought to myself. 

I nodded and looked back down at my lap. Our waiter finally arrived. 
"Are you ready to order?" He asked. My dad nodded his head and gestured for me to order. I shook my head. He then started to order first. I had to think of what to say to the waiter. I needed to control my breathing and try to speak like a normal person. 
My dad then finished ordering which caused my palms to sweat and heart to accelerate. I was nervous. I felt like I was going to faint. 
"What would you like?" The waiter asked with a wink. 
"I uh I uh uh want the guacamole burger with a uh D-dr. pepper." I replied with a gulp. The waiter then lost all interest he had in me before. He wrote something on his notebook and left. My lungs then felt like it was closing. I couldn't breath which caused me to start coughing hysterically. My breaths were short like I had ran a marathon. I felt sick to my stomach as I was starting to hyperventilate. I put one finger up and ran to the bathroom. I opened the woman's bathroom with short breaths and locked myself in a stall. I crumbled to the floor and started to hyperventilate. Tears burned my eyes as many fell down my face. I curled up and placed my head in between my knees as I was trying to control my breaths. I couldn't. I felt as if I was drowning and my lungs were quitting on me. I felt so weak. I knew I was having a panic attack. 
"Hello, are you okay in there?" A female voice asked. I started to then hyperventilate even more. I had to talk to her when I calmed down. 

'Stop, stop, stop' I chanted in my head. My breathing still wasn't slowing down. I dug my nails into my thighs as I felt light headed. I closed my eyes which caused more tears to fall down and focused on my heart beating in my ears. 

Finally, I calmed down. 
"Hello?" The same girl asked. 
"I uh I yeah." I replied as more tears fell down my face. I choked back on a sob. I was so pathetic sitting on the bathroom floor. I usually have these panic attacks. Like I said earlier, I have horrible social anxiety. Really bad social anxiety. 
"Can you come out?" She asked. I stood up slowly and brushed the dust of my bottom. I wiped the tears off with the back of my hand. I breathed out slowly and told myself to focus. I opened the door and walked out to find a beautiful girl that looked like my age. 
"Are you okay?" She asked with pure concern on her face. I nodded my head and shoved my hands into my back pockets.
"Uh yeah." 
"You sure?" 
"I uh, yeah. I'm f-fine. I'm I-ivy." I said then stuck my hand out. I bit my bottom lip. 

'Pathetic. You can't even speak to her." I thought to myself as I bit harder which caused a little blood to come out of my mouth. I quickly licked my bottom lip. 

"I'm Maisie." She said and shook my hand slowly. I pulled back quickly which alarmed her. 
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. I shook my head no and walked passed her. I waved at her and exited the bathroom. I ran back to our table and saw that the food had arrived and my dad was waiting. I sat down and released the breath I was holding. 
"You okay sweetie?" 
"Yeah, I just got something caught in my throat." I replied and took a bite of my burger. He nodded, not convinced, and took a bite of his own burger. 
"Is your burger good?"
I nodded my head and took another bite and looked out the window to see more groups of people. One girl tilted her head back and leaned on a boy with laughter. He laughed back and wrapped his arms around her. I closed my eyes slowly and sighed. I opened them back up and averted my attention back to the avacado and meat. 
I slowly realized that this was my new beginning. I had to take the opportunity and change but I knew that was never going to happen. 


Hey guys, sorry this chapter sucked buut it's 4 in the morning where I am. Hopefully the next chapter will be better. A picture of Ivy (shelley hennig) is on the side. Thanks for reading :)

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