When we first talked, I thought he's a jerk like every other jerks online.
But when we talked exchanged thoughts, I learned there is something about him, that pulls me toward him.
Though I did not liked what he wanted from me, but his honesty, boldness and that true statements of desires, impressed me somehow.
He was honest about what he wanted, He is always like that. And I couldn't afford to lose someone like him, even after many odds.
I wanted to learn about him, and why I was attracted, then I realized, if he is what he seems to be, than he is a dream come true to me. He is just like a fiction, or a fantasy I used to imagine for me.
He is dark, he is mystery, he is devilish, and he pulls my darkest wishes out. He is non judgemental, he is the weirdest thing I've been searching my whole life.
He's BRAVE and BAD !!! And I LOVE THAT !!!
I WANT TO GIVE UP ALL I HAVE.......
I WANT TO PLEASE HIM IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY !
I feel like all I want is to make him love me like I love him
I want him to want me like I want him.
The only thing we have in common is the favourite colour, 'BLUE'.
And the likeliness for the loneliness, he says...
And the odd number tendency (from the loneliness deep inside)
But even then it was like between 1 to 20 I'd choose 19 he'd choose 1
I feel like he has grasped my soul and captured my thoughts by his words
He's very straight forward, does not conceal, does not hide
I often doubt is he even REAL? Or my Hallucination !!!
Finally it's like I have been touched ; My soul has been touched
and it got infected with the feeling he left inside me
The wounds are so deep and so painful
It's been long since I have been in this kind of trouble
When I can't sleep or eat or enjoy myself doing anything
Everybody knows these symptoms right?
It's such a cheap thriller right?
Trust me its more worthless to me than to you
You said you don't understand what do I want
But I understand you, You are afraid you plans will be infected by my presence
You think you are preventing
But Baby, you can't hold it far from me often
I know you will come back
And you will keep coming back and keep drenching my soul with your words
With your praise and need for me
And then right after I let you see my heart ; You Put a dagger in it
You just tear my soul into pieces and throw it so far, that I can barely recollect them
Stop messing with my mind, will you?
No you won't, So I have to protect myself from you
I have to cut you out of my life, You might remain in my thoughts
But I'll never take you for real; I tried enough
Now what I know is, what you think and what is your pattern
I'm never letting you in again
Every time it feels like, it's the first time you've touched my soul
But It has happened before now; I remember myself crying
Just the pain is what I forgot, that how much it had hurt then.......
Maybe that's why I keep taking you back when I know where you lead me is darkness.....
Where there is no hope and no future.......
You want to marry someone else; Anyone but me
Why is that?
I think you are afraid that you will lose me bad; and I'll hurt you in the worst possible ways....
That no one else has the ability to do what I can do to you
You say you've seen so much that you can't take it anymore
But even than you want me.....
You just don't want to give me any rights on you !
And keep it irregular so that you don't get used to me;
So that you don't get trapped with me; So that you can leave any time you want.
I get you !!! I totally understand!
Probably better than you can ever do....