When you die. It's more than just a rush and a reach out for life. It's facing god himself and pleading yourself with the help of others. But me? I had no one. Not even the son of god himself. The one who dies for the sins of the world which I had out numbered. I had made the blood of the son drain out of him. Still suffering before mine own eyes. The pity I even dared to feel for myself. I wanted to beg for mercy. I wanted happiness past death but how could I take peoples life so soon and then beg for forgiveness. I was selfish. I looked god in the face and said I plead not for your forgiveness. But for your understanding of my actions. I don't care for heaven. I belong in hell.
I had murdered numbers of people. I passed down this gift yet curse to people. I created a chain of monsters. Monsters that cheated death.. That dodged a bullet and traded true life for immortality. Doomed to walk the earth forever.
It was so easy to make the choice. To think about a world beyond. To be forever young. Me? I didn't have a choice. My father wanted this for all of us. He wanted this curse. But where was he exactly? I didn't know. Was he even alive? At this point I had no family. As far as I knew at least. My mother and brother were killed by my own hand.
Hell was more than just your nightmares coming to life. It was suffering. Living with the worst feelings known to man. I wanted to beg. I wanted to plead my case. But the way I felt. I almost felt human again. My humanity had been replaced. I had feeling. I remember what love felt like. I remembered what actual happiness felt like. Yet The guilt of my life on earth was literally eating me alive. I had no right to ask for paradise. Not even to glance at the golden gates.
Now. I had cheated death again. I had found another way out. I was back to breathing. All the guilt was gone. All the remembrance of the feelings and the face of god, the horrors of hell. They were nothing but memories. My guilt was still there yet it meant nothing to me. The very image of the savior bleeding before me. Suffering for my sins. Meant nothing to me. I was heartless.
I dabbed my lips with a cloth. Removing the stain of human flesh from my very lips. I was hungry and my body hadn't eaten for a while. The taste of innocent blood had never tasted so much like freedom. This, this before me, was freedom. I sank my teeth into this girls neck and sucked the very life of her. She was motionless. Her heart was no longer beating and her hands fell lifeless by her side as death took the place of her body. I pushed her off of me and let her hit the floor with a loud thud. I stepped over her body and looked at myself in the mirror. More blood had been left on my lips and stained my vampire teeth. I licked the taste off my teeth still not fully satisfied. I wanted more. I was still wanting to taste more freedom. I didn't care whose life I'd take.
I exited my room and headed down my staircase. Luke was laying on the couch. Once he saw me he jumped off the couch to greet me with a kiss but paused as he saw blood on my face.
His eyebrows furrowed. "How long have you been awake?"
"A while." I said passing by him.
He grabbed my hand forcing me to face him. "There is no more blood bags in your room and you didn't come downstairs." His expression changed. He was worried. "Who did you feed off of?"
I grinned and kissed his lips. Giving him the delicious taste of human blood. Practically teasing him. "The maid." I said changing my grin into a smile as I continued to pack his lips.
Unfortunately I didn't get to continue since he wasn't happy with me at the moment.
"Jess are you crazy!?"
I shrugged. "I can be."
"Is she okay!? God she must be freaking out like crazy right now!"
"Relax Luke. Shes not freaking out. She's dead. So therefore she can' freak out."
His eyes widened. "Jessica! What the hell! You don't just go around killing people! Have you gone mad!?" He rushed upstairs and into my bedroom.
I laughed and threw on a sweater and headed out the front door and took a nice walk to the bar a few blocks down.
"On your way to drown yourself in alcohol?" A voice said.
I stopped walking. I sighed. I had hoped i wouldn't hear that voice. Not again. I hated the very sound of it. Why was he here?
I slowly turned around and stared at the well dressed man. Being around him gave me a weird feeling. As if I was actually breathing fresh air. As if I was still alive. The goodness he gave off. Gods good.
"What are you doing here Gabriel?" I folded my arms.
I'm sure the name Gabriel rings a bell does it not? Gabriel was one of Gods angels. As in the ones who serve god 24/7. He was there. When I was on trial in heaven. He watched me as I slowly broke apart. As my soul weaped and agreed to hell. He didn't help me. Nor did I want him to help me.
"I think the question should be why are you." He continued to walk and I soon followed.
I gulped. "What? did god send you down here to send me back to hell?"
He chuckled. "No actually. But believe me that has crossed the fathers mind." He pulled out a small little box out of his pocket. "You my dear. You have cheated death once again. I hope your realize heaven is not pleased."
"Tell me something I don't know."
"Do you realize how much you and your clan has messed with Gods plan? You cheated death and brought a demon onto the earth. You realize if the gates of hell open for even a second, more than one gets out?"
I shrugged. "Yeah/ Me and Amy."
"No. There are more than just the two of you. Some vampires and wolves have been risen from the grave. Some of which you may need to run from."
I laughed. "I'm not scared of anyone or anything anymore. I faced god and hell. Nothing scares me. I have no feeling Gabriel. Do you get that?"
"Jessica. Hell is only a bit piece of what evil actually is. You may have faced the eternal father but you haven't faced evil itself. If this news reaches Lucifer."
The very sound of his name sent chills down my spine.
"If he finds out his daughter as raised from hell, and if he finds out it was you. Do know this my brother does have a it of a temper. Last time he was angry he created evil. I suggest you start taking these matters seriously."
I shook my head. "Tell it to someone who cares."
We paused and sat down at a park bench. Gabriel stared at the young children playing and living their happy lives. "Surely you haven't forgotten what it was like to live? We know how you felt when you were on trial. I could see past your mask Jessica. there is still human in you. Even if you have been dead for a thousand years."
"I also remember as you all watched as I sent myself to hell. None of you pleaded my case. Not even Michael. He's supposed to be the one who stands up and tries. Even if it looks bad." My voice cracked just thinking back to the memory.
"Jessica. We cannot plead your case if you don't allow us to. You have to believe it in yourself that you are good. You have to want forgiveness. You have forgotten how much Father loves you. Many people on this earth have experienced the love of the savior and God himself. You haven't allowed yourself to feel that. No matter how many people were slain by your hand God loves you."
I shook my head. "I don't want it." I said.
"Your thoughts are dead." He said. "I may not be able to get into your head but I know what your feeling." He handed me the box he pulled out earlier. "You still have human left in you. Why do you think you feel something for Luke?" I stared off into the distance at the little girl on the swing.
I smiled at the joy she was exposing. "Who said I -" I stopped as I looked at the empty space next to me. He was gone.
Suddenly I didn't feel so alive anymore. I didn't feel good. The emotions were gone as if they had never existed before. Suddenly my hunt for flesh reappeared into my mind. The very sight of these children made me want to vomit.
I looked down at the box still in my hands. I opened it and in it. crafted white angel wings sitting on a gold chain as if taken from The golden welcoming gates from heaven.
I suddenly felt love. Actual love. As if it was sent down from the father himself. A tear escaped my eyes as I stared down at it. Again the emotion vanished. It was gone again.
I snapped the box shut and placed it into my jacket pocket.
I continued my walk to the bar. Once I finally arrived. I took a sat at the bar. The place was completely empty. Not another person in sight. The bartender was drying glasses and placing them on the shelf. He turned to face me. "It's a little early to be drinking is it not?"
I could feel my eyes changing color. My fangs ripping out of my gums. My quench for thirst was building up like never before.
I watched this poor helpless man as he faced death in the eyes. It was more than death. It was fear. "You must think I'm pretty trashy if you think I'm drinking this morning." I suddenly appeared behind the counter. "Pardon me Gabriel, but I'm just really hungry." I sank my deadly sharp teeth into his neck and fed off him. He screamed in agony and pleaded before me as if he was me.
I almost felt bad for him but I didn't give a damn at this point. His blood tasted to much like freedom to pass up.
I knew Luke wouldn't be to happy about this. He'd flip. No matter. I was still me.