When I Fell

Falling in love is tricky. There are so many movies and books that make it seem so easy and passionate and right but in the real word it's confusing and exciting and fun and frustrating and in the real world, things get in the way.


29. XXIX

Ruby's point of view

When it first happened, I was in this daze. I had no idea what was happening. Now I've thought things through a bit more and processed them a bit more but I'm no happier. Now I'm just living with it and it's awful. I can't think about anything else. It's taken over my life now. I can't stand talking to people, especially my family. I know it's wrong to feel annoyed that they're not giving me any sympathy seeing as I haven't told them but I can't help feeling that way. 

I always find myself thinking about when I've seen things like this happen on TV. The girls always tell someone and it's always okay again but that isn't happening with me. I can't tell anybody. I'm terrified of what will happen. I'm terrified of them not believing me, I'm terrified of what Jason might do, I'm terrified of what will happen to Jason. However much I hate him, I don't want to ruin his life. I've thought about sending him to jail or getting him in serious trouble but ruining his life isn't going to make mine any better. It just means there's one more life gone to waste. 

When I say I hate him, I mean it. The thought of him makes my skin crawl. I spend most of my days putting off thinking about him and most of my nights crying angry tears about him. I hate him. He just got what he wanted and then left me with this mess of a life. I can't do anything but think about it. He got what he wanted and carried on while I'm left here haunted by it. I have given up my confidence, Chris, my friends, my life, myself, all for him. I am not a real person anymore. I am just a shell of a girl who belongs to somebody else who doesn't care anymore.

Things may work out for some girls but that's not how it's meant to be for me. I just can't tell anybody. This is how my life is meant to be. I'm meant to just live with this and try to deal with it. 

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