When I Fell

Falling in love is tricky. There are so many movies and books that make it seem so easy and passionate and right but in the real word it's confusing and exciting and fun and frustrating and in the real world, things get in the way.

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63. LXIII

Ruby's point of view

I am constantly nervous about the investigation. A week passes and I never really hear anything about it. They tell me when they interview Jason and what Jason does (Jason has gotten a lawyer involved, he's saying he hasn't done it) and they will bring me back into it when they have more information. But I'm not sad or necessarily scared like I thought I would be. I know that Jason is saying he hasn't done it but my family and Chris keep telling me that it will all be okay and that the truth will come out.

Plus, I don't think I even have a chance to think too much about it. Chris is keeping me busy to stop me from getting so anxious about it. Every day, we are doing something. Things are still weird between him and Jonas so we always go out. We go to the movies, we go shopping, we go on walks, we go for dinner. Today, we're swimming. 

"Can we take a day off tomorrow?" I ask, smiling and floating over to him, linking my arms behind his neck. 

He laughs, linking his hands at the small of my back. "A day off from what?" 

"All the activities!" I grin. "It's been fun, it has, but I'm exhausted."

He chuckles. "Sure. You can come over to mine tomorrow if you want."

I nod, smiling. I lean in to kiss him but I catch something out of the corner of my eye. Someone. It's Jason with a few other friends.

"Chris, we have to go." I let go of him and start getting out of the pool but I see Jason spot me. Chris notices too. He wraps a towel around me and pushes me gently towards the changing rooms. Inside, he sits down opposite me. I'm shaking.

"Rubes, don't worry." he says, taking my hand. "What have you got to be scared of?" 

"He's angry. I can tell, Chris, he's angry-"

"But what is he going to do?" Chris shrugs. "He can't do anything, the police are involved now. And I'm here, aren't I?"

My breathing gets steadier. My hands stop shaking. "You're right."

"Aren't I always?" the corners of his mouth turn up. 

I laugh a little. "Yeah."

As we're walking out, Jason stands there. Chris goes to say something, but I stop him. I look at him, taking him aside for a moment. 

"I want to talk to him." I whisper.

"Ruby-"

"Please, Chris." I look at him, desperately. 

He considers it and then sighs. "Alright. I'm just around the corner, okay?" 

I nod, squeezing his hand and then I go back to Jason alone. His eyes are wide, his eyebrows raised. He looks sad, like he's the victim. I actually laugh, shaking my head. 

"Why are you doing this?" he asks. 

"Don't you dare." I say in a low voice. I'm not scared. I'm angry. "Don't you dare act like the victim, not after what you did."

"I know what I did." he says, his voice cracking. "And I'm sorry and I'm trying to change and I would take it all back if I could. Please just... I don't blame you for pressing charges, but please don't. You're going to ruin my life."

I laugh, so shocked at what he's saying. I feel weak all of a sudden. I cannot believe he's saying all of this. I suddenly feel so angry about everything he's done and so angry at him and I want him to know. I want him to know what he's put me through. 

"You ruined mine." I look him straight in the eye for the first time. "I was not eating or sleeping or talking to anybody. I moved out of the country, I lost my family for a while, I forgot what it was like to be happy. You completely ruined me, Jason. For what? Your own selfish needs. But now I'm better and I'm doing something about it."

"What you're doing is going to ruin my life!" he says, desperately. 

"I'm not ruining your life, you are the one who ruined your life with what you did." I say, sharply. "I feel so unbelievably sorry for you, Jason, but it's not sympathy. It's pity. You cannot escape what you did to me, just like I thought I couldn't. So it is great that you are trying to change and that you're sorry and that you want to move past it, but it's not going to happen. What you did was unforgivable. You have to live with what you did, you deserve it and I am not sorry for that at all. So I'm going to continue pressing charges. You should just give up defending yourself now. You deserve everything you get."

And I walk away to find Chris. I could have screamed and cried at Jason there, but what would that have got me? I feel so at peace now. I have told him what he's done and what he deserves and he is going to get what he deserves. All of those thoughts I had when it first happened, all of those thoughts that I was meant to live my life belonging to him and that I could never escape what happened weren't true and I've never been more relieved. 

I get to Chris and he kisses my cheek for a long time before kissing my lips quickly and smiling at me. I smile at him too as I take his hand, a real, happy smile. And he smiles a real, happy smile back and for the first time in a long time, I'm completely at peace with everything.

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