When I Fell

Falling in love is tricky. There are so many movies and books that make it seem so easy and passionate and right but in the real word it's confusing and exciting and fun and frustrating and in the real world, things get in the way.


60. LX

Ruby's point of view

Jonas ends up back home the next morning, safe and sound. The next couple of weeks are strange. I stay at Chris' for a few nights but I decide I really can't intrude any longer even though his parents tell me it's no problem. Jonas and I don't acknowledge each other at all. I try to smile at him and speak to him, he just doesn't speak back. After a week, he progresses to grunting a blunt answer to whatever I say. He doesn't even try to talk to Chris. 

I try to tell Chris he shouldn't come over but it seems like he is just as angry as Jonas. Chris keeps telling me how Jonas doesn't have to be angry about this and that we shouldn't let him stop us hanging out. I tell him that that's fine and that I'll just meet him out in places but he still doesn't listen. He ends up knocking at our door. I see that it's him and jump up to answer it before Jonas can.

"Chris." I say, quietly even though Jonas can hear us perfectly as he's sat on the couch. "Come on, let's go out."

"It's pouring with rain." he says, gesturing to the rare weather. "I thought we could just hang out here."

"Chris, come on." I sigh. "Don't."

"Rubes, it's fine, we'll just go to your room." he leans down and kisses my cheek, murmuring in my ear "Don't worry. Don't let him stop us doing what we want, okay?" 

I give in and lead him to my room as fast as possible, trying to ignore the sour look on Jonas' face. I sigh as Chris flops down on my bed.

"Why are we doing this?" I ask, wearily. 

"Doing what?" he asks, frowning.

"Purposefully upsetting him."

"Ruby, he's gonna be upset either way!" he says, sounding a bit exasperated. "We're not gonna drop everything for him are we? We just need to act normally until he gets over it."

I shrug, lying down next to him. "I guess you're right."

Chris kisses my head. "Just don't worry." he murmurs against my hair. "He's not gonna kick off or anything like that."

He was so wrong. 

Chris and I are sat on the beach together a few days later. It's quite late, just getting dark. We've just been swimming and there's nobody else on the beach and if there is, they're too far away for us to see. We're lounging around on his towel, him in his trunks, me wrapped up in my towel because it's getting cold. We're just laughing about nothing and kissing and I'm so happy, I can't even remember the whole Jonas situation until he starts walking down the beach with Jon and Clare and Jason and a few other friends. My stomach clenches. Chris is kissing my neck, he hasn't noticed but I push him away, still staring at Jonas and his friends. They haven't seen us yet.

"Shit." he murmurs, getting up and pulling me up with him. "Come on, lets go."

But it's too late. Jonas spots us. I dread that they're all going to come over, I can't bear even being this close to Jason but Jonas says something to them and they all start walking in the other direction again. Chris and I stand still as Jonas walks over purposefully. 

"He's going to punch me." Chris says.

And he does. He walks over and punches Chris hard around the face. 

"Jonas!" I exclaim, grabbing onto Chris to stop him from stumbling so much. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"I am sick and tired of seeing you two everywhere together!" he shouts. "This is not okay! It is not okay that you both chose each other over me!"

"We didn't choose each other over you!" Chris shouts back, wiping a bit of blood from his lip. "You're the one who got angry! You're the one who ignored us! What did you want us to do?" 

"I wanted you to not be together!" 

"We're happy!" Chris yells. "Why can't you just leave it alone?" 

"Because it isn't fair!" Jonas yells back. 

"Guys." I try to stop them. I didn't realise I was crying until I heard my voice shaking. 

"Let's just be honest." Jonas says. "Chris, I couldn't care less about you anymore but Ruby, you're my sister. It has to be me or Chris, alright?" 

"You can't make me do that." I whisper, my voice still wobbly. 

"Then just give me an explanation." he says sharply. "Alright? Fine, if you wanna be happy together and forget about me then just do it, but at least tell me why."

I glance at Chris, not knowing what to say. He's looking between the two of us, his eyes watering. I can't tell Jonas what happened with Jason.

"I... I never said I was choosing Chris." I tell him, stalling.

"So you're gonna come home with me now and forget about him?" Jonas raises his eyebrows. 

"I never said I was choosing you either." I say, wearily. I just want this entire night to be over. 

"What the hell is happening?" he asks, sounding just as tired as me. 

"I can't tell you." I say honestly, my eyes watering again. 

He sighs heavily and starts walking away. I look at Chris again and he looks so upset. We don't talk, but he knows I'm wondering whether I should just tell Jonas. And I know that Chris is telling me I should. 

"It's Jason." I call after Jonas, my voice cracking. 

He stops walking and turns around, his eyes narrowed. "All of this is because of Jason?"

I nod. 

"Because he rejected you?" 

"Jesus christ, just listen to her." Chris mutters.

Jonas glares at him and then looks at me again, doubtfully. "So what happened?" 

"He... he..." I keep trying to say it but I can't. This is where I tell Jonas and Jonas tells Mom and everything goes wrong. This is what I've been so afraid of for all this time. Jonas just sighs, shaking his head and starts walking away again. 

"Jason raped her." Chris calls and Jonas turns around again, his eyes wide.

"What?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nod, tears streaming down my cheeks now. "It was in Barbados. When I left the club, I went back and he showed up at the cabin and he was insisting he came in and then I couldn't say no and I kept it quiet for so long but I told Chris and I went to England but when I came back, Jason made up all of that stuff and it was bad all over again and that's why Chris decided to ditch all of you for me recently because he couldn't stand being around Jason and I had no idea what to do and-"

Jonas hushes me, pulling me into a hug and I just stand there, sobbing. I'm half relieved, half terrified. I have no idea what's going to happen with anything now. 

"Oh Ruby, I am so sorry." Jonas whispers, stroking my hair. "It's all going to be okay. It's okay."

I know it should feel like it's okay, but it doesn't.

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