When I Fell

Falling in love is tricky. There are so many movies and books that make it seem so easy and passionate and right but in the real word it's confusing and exciting and fun and frustrating and in the real world, things get in the way.

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4. IV

The party is horrendous. I mean, I'm sure it's a great party, but it's so bad for me. Nothing bad really happens to me, I just think it's so awkward. Nobody wants to talk to me or anything and it's just embarrassing when they try to make conversation because I'm not the best at keeping a conversation going. I follow my brother around all night, just tagging along. More and more people arrive and eventually the garden and the house are both full. Jonas and his group of friends are all stood in the kitchen. I'm laughing at things people are saying but it's just embarrassing because I have no idea what the inside jokes are about.

I eventually just go and stand at the back door to get some air. I'm in limbo between everybody, not having to be a part of anything. I don't know when people decided that not being a part of things is a bad thing. I think liking your own company is just as important as liking the company of others. 

I spot Chris with a few other people, laughing and chatting. He doesn't seem too drunk. Either that or he's a very cool drunk. I'm guessing the latter. I just watch him for a while which seems so creepy but of course he doesn't notice. All of a sudden, I laugh to myself. What the hell has happened? Out of nowhere, I've moved to Florida and I'm at a party and I have a silly little crush on my brother's best friend. 

Once I stop laughing to myself like a lunatic, I go back to the group and stand with them and pretend I'm part of the conversation again. Not that I'm sure anybody ever would understand this conversation. It's literally so confusing, something about travelling the world and books and Tom Cruise. I feel somebody stand next to me and it's Chris and he looks just as confused as I am. I wasn't expecting him to speak to me but he looks at me. Not for any special reason, he's just confused about the conversation and knows I am too so he looked at me. I shrug and he chuckles, shaking his head and walking back into the garden. I know that was nothing but the fact that he noticed me at all was enough to make me a little bit happy about the night. 

 

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