Lani is a day dreamer. A bad one.

Constantly, thinking of what could be different if she did something different. Coming up with alternate scenarios. Fooling herself. But it's nice.

When a new student, Blade, comes to her school, he's all Lani can think about. And they've never said one word to each other.

Lani finds herself dreaming up a complete relationship, a complete life with Blade. She bases it off of observation and fills in the gaps herself. Thinking about what happens next until she falls asleep at night or writing it all down in one boring class period. And she sees it coming true. But not in the exact way she imagined it.

In If Only, distance takes on a whole new meaning.


1. ~Chapter 1~

I guess you can say I fell in love with Blade Antony Matthews because of his eyes.

They're too pretty to be contacts. They've got to be real.

Gorgeous blue eyes placed on his face like sapphires set into a gold necklace.

When the door to my first period biology class opened, I was doodling on my notes. I didn't look up.

Then everyone in the room started talking all at once. It was a collection of whispers that equalled one voice at normal volume.

My friend Ashton who sat beside me elbowed my left arm. Thank goodness I'm right handed, otherwise my doodle would've had a huge slash through it.

When she hit me, I swung my head to her.

"What was that for?" I laughed, keeping my voice on level with everyone else's.

"Look," was all she said as she nodded her head towards the front of the class. Her pony tail bobbed.

That's when my arm didn't matter anymore and I saw him.

He was turned towards Ms. Green. When she went to type something into her ancient computer, he turned to survey the class.

And there were those beautiful sapphires.

I stared.

Then he started to walk in between the tables. He turned at the third row of tables. He was walking towards me.

The rest of the class whispered and stared. I had my eyes focused on him and him alone.

He stopped right across from me and leaned on the black-top tables. He smiled and stared into my eyes with his.

"Hey there, Lani," he said.

I smiled back, but before I could answer, Ashton elbowed me again. I blinked and he was at the front of the classroom, turning his head away from the class. I focused on what Ms. Green was saying to him while continuing my drawing.

Her: What's your name?

Him: Blade Antony Matthews.

Her: Anthony?

Him: No, Antony. No h.

Her: Oh, okay. *types on computer* What's your real name?

Him: Blade Antony Matthews.

Her: Isn't Blade your nickname?

Him: No, my real name is Blade. I promise I'm not making this up. *shifts awkwardly in a very sexy way*

Her: It's not showing up in the computer.

Him: *leans over slightly and looks at computer screen for a second then smiles and leans back* Probably because there's an h in Antony.

Her: I thought you said that was it. Anthony.

Him: No, I'm sorry. I said no h. A-n-t-o-n-y. *gives the I'm-going-to-pretend-this-situation-is-okay-even-though-it's-clearly-not smile*

Her: Oh, here you are!

Him: That's good.

Her: Okay, let's see.... *surveys classroom looking for empty seats while single girls hold their breath* Take that seat in the back beside Kim.

I squeezed my free hand into a fist while the other kept drawing. Kim sat directly behind me. That meant Blade was being placed directly behind Ashton.

I turned around to see Kim giving her most flirtatious smile and moving her stuff to one side of the table.

I tried to look focused on my drawing as he passed. I think he slowed as he passed me.

"That looks so cool," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled. I didn't look up and I didn't say anything. I tried to tune out the sound of him talking to Kim behind me.

Ashton looked over at me as Ms. Green started the Lecture of the Day.

I lifted my eyebrows. She smiled wider.

"I like him already," she mouthed.

I nodded slightly and smiled.

For the rest of the class, I doodled Blade's name. Over and over. Different style each time.

The bell rang too soon.

I packed up slowly, hoping to catch Blade on our way out of the classroom. I picked up on what Kim was saying to him.

"So what class do you have next?" she asked.

"History," Blade answered.

"Really? Who do you have?"

Blade told her his teacher and she squealed; they were in the same class. I sighed and slung my book bag over my shoulder.

Then I dropped my bag to the floor, and ran. I sprinted for the door. I ran down the halls, people parted for me as I bolted through the front doors of the school building. The cold wind sliced at my skin.

"Lani," Ashton said beside me. "Are you coming?"

I looked at her. Blade was walking out of the classroom door, talking to Kim and one of her friends.

I smiled at Ashton. I lightly smacked the table beside me to make sure it was real."Yeah, let's get outta here."


It was impossible to walk through the halls without hearing about Blade Antony Matthews.

After fourth period, I found one of my friends, Ethan.

"I swear if someone mentions Blade Antony Matthews one more time I will rip their lips from their face and shove them down their throat," he said the moment he saw me.

I laughed. "Nice to see you too."

"Sorry. Hi. Is he in any of your classes?"

I nodded. "Biology. Great way to start of the day-- a little dose of Blade Matthews."

Ethan laughed. "No way. I'd rather start off my day with some Lani Andrews."

I smiled. "A little Ethan Cook never hurt anyone either."

Ethan laughed and I lightly bumped his shoulder with mine.

We walked into our fifth period class, geometery. It's the only class we had together.

We didn't have assigned seats in this class but Ethan and I always got the two beside each other in the corner. Everyone knew they were ours. Everyone knew to leave them alone.

I sat down in my normal seat.

"So I'm having a Christmas party at my house next Saturday," Ethan started. "You down?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm up. Of course I'm gonna be there, dummy."

Ethan smiled at me. "Good. Wouldn't be a party without you."

Then his smile faltered as he glanced at the door.

He leaned closer to me and lowered his voice. "Don't you dare say it."

I followed his gaze.

Blade had just walked through the door.

I couldn't stop staring at Blade as he took the seat in front of mine.

I glanced back at Ethan. Ethan rolled his eyes and mouthed "I will rip your lips off."

"No you won't," I mouthed back.

He smiled and shook his head.

The bell rang and our teacher started class by introducing Blade as if no one knew who he was already.

It was almost unreal how fast word about the hot new guy got around.

When our teacher turned to the board to go over a recent test, Blade turned around and face me.

"I went through this all my old school," he told me. "I know it like the back of my hand."

"I bet you did," I said. "No doubt you're a smart guy."

"I bet you aced this test."

"Aw, 'aced' is a strong word. How about I scooted by?"

We laughed.

"Goregous, intelligent girl like you? You did amazing on this," Blade said.

I smiled and flipped my hair behind my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and when they opened, Blade's back was to me and our teacher was still droning on.

I glanced over at Ethan. He was seemingly focused on the test.

I looked down at my binder. I started drawing again, letting my hand doing all the thinking.

The end of class bell rang. I looked at what I had drawn.

It was Blade.

I slammed the binder closed and shoved it in my bag. Blade had already left and Ethan was waiting on me.

"C'mon," Ethan said. "This room is infected."

I smiled and nodded. I couldn't think of anything to say.

~So what do you think of it so far? I've got a really good plan for where this is gonna go! :) Just let me know if it's good or horrible and I'll work with it! I'm kinda proud of this chapter even though it's really crappy and short and it's only the beginning! More is to come! ;)

This story is also going to be up on my Wattpad soon!

Social Media:

~Instagram: jessiibearr544

~Vine: Jessica Lynn

~Twitter: Jessheartsmusic

~Goodreads: Jessisanauthor

~Tumblr: jessmusicluver

~Wattpad: JessBookBabe

Vote and share while you wait for the next chapter!~

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