Faded Lights

I try to feel sad about what my life -or whatever this is called- has become, but nothing happens. I am numb to anything and everything.

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1. Prologue

Everything changed that night of September. Not in a good way either. Sometimes, I think back to that night. If nothing happened and I just went home, what would I be doing right now? Would I be with my mates, or with my girl? Would I be happy, or sad? I don’t feel emotion anymore, just blankness. I try to feel sad about what my life -or whatever this is called- has become, but nothing happens. I am numb to anything and everything. I should probably introduce myself. My name is Ashton Irwin and I am a fuck up of a human. At least, I think I’m human. I look the same, but nobody sees me anymore. The last thing I remember is the night of September. I was such an idiot. I tipped my head back as I drank, the cool liquid burning my throat on the way down. Vodka, what a wonderful substance! Sweat was pouring of my forehead as I yelled out, everyone cheering me on. This was my ninth shot now, one more and I think I might pass out. “I’m gunna go!” I managed to slur. How I could even stand let alone speak was a mystery. Michael walked up and put this hand on my shoulder. He was the sober one of the group, by choice. He hated alcohol. He wasn't taking the others home for another half hour. Could I last that long? I nodded my head at him and stumbled out the door towards my car. I then realised, my car was back at the apartment. My mates and I traveled a lot, so we only kept two cars; mine and Michael’s. I stumbled down the sidewalk, well; I think it’s the sidewalk, towards the apartment. I saw two bright headlights coming towards me and I froze, knowing what was coming. That’s all I remember of the horrid night. Maybe I was in so much shock that I couldn't remember a thing. Honestly, I was just wasted to the max. Now, I wonder where I am. At the moment I am sitting in the lounge with the boys, watching television. Only thing was, they don’t know I am here. Ever since the accident, they haven’t been the same. I don’t blame them, not only was I dick to them last time I spoke to them, but I can’t even tell them how sorry I am. I am sorry right? No, I’m not. I don’t feel sorry. I don’t feel fucking anything!

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